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female
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anonymous
writes: Ive been dating a guy for a few months. Things are going really well but he's going away in a few months to work and won't be back till May next year. I knew this before we got together but now I'm starting to worry. I'm perfectly happy to wait for him till he gets back but we have yet to talk about it. Can a relationship survive when one is away for months? I'm unsure what to do or what to think. Has anyone else's relationship survived this? Pls help Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 October 2005):
 The answer to your question is Yes. Many relationships have survived time and distance. If you want a historical example, think of the millions of relationships that survived the World Wars of the 20th Century, and all the couples that are separated now, due to the war in Iraq, and looking forward to getting back home once their tours are done.
Outside of wartimes, couples sometimes have to separate due to work commitments, like government postings. Hundreds of people in serious relationships live and work in Antarctica for six to 12 months at a time, so you're definitely not alone in your circumstance.
The real question is whether you want to do this. It's difficult to maintain the intimacy of a relationship - particularly when it's in the early stages - when you miss the little details of each others' lives. It's certainly possible, but it's hard and there are sacrifices for both parties. With postal mail, email, instant messaging and texts, you can overcome a lot of the isolation that used to affect people in your situation.
One problem you will probably face will be deciding to forsake all the other temptations while your boyfriend is in that distant location. Think about the situation where you fall hard for someone you've just met while your boyfriend is far, far away, expecting that you'll remain loyal to him. Would you be tempted, telling yourself that "he'll never know"?
I urge you to bring this up with your man soon. Don't make it a chore, though. Introduce the topic by asking him about the place where he's going, what the conditions are like there, whether he's anticipating it, etc. Tell him that you wonder how the distance is going to affect what you have now. You might be surprised to find out that he's been thinking about it, too. He may already have a hope that you'll wait for him. Or... alternatively, he may already have decided that you're going to have to break it off because he's convinced that he can't stay faithful for the months he's going to be away.
Either way, wouldn't you like to know what's in his mind? Time to talk.
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