A
female
age
36-40,
*ooksyellowtastesred
writes:Bear with me, this may take a while.I'm a 21 year old female and up until two years ago I was a very logical, rational (some might say cold) person. I'd had one serious relationship with a guy I cared deeply about at the time, we were together a year and a half, he ended it and although I was hurt I got over it in a matter of weeks. This is just background really, I'm trying to put forward the fact that in most areas of life I process emotion very well, I move into 'acceptance' quickly and I deal with what ever life throws at me. Until I got with my most recent ex, for the purpose of this lets call him Eric. Eric and I had been friends for years and he'd always been interested in me, I'd just never believed it. We're of completely different social standing and at a young age I suppose that matters a lot. November 2007, after a year of barely talking because our different lifestyles had torn us apart we began spending time together, realised just how right we were for one another and got together later that month. I fell for him quickly, as did he for me and for the most part our relationship was good. Apart from the constant attention he got from other women - I'm normally quite a secure person, I don't get jealous but when your boyfriend is getting filthy texts/declarations of love from four or five different girls who just don't let up no matter what he does or says it starts to get to you. This plus numerous other emotional factors in my life led to me developing mild depression. This escalated early 2009 when I was the victim of a drug facilitated sexual assault, I sank in to a hole that no one could drag me out of no matter how hard they tried. He didn't know what to do, we argued a lot, he sought solace in other women (not cheating per say, just flirting) which destroyed me and at the time I thought I was ruining his life, so after a few months of it I ended our relationship. This brings us to July 2009, shortly after I ended it he left for France and spent two months there. We had no contact apart from two msn conversations. I realised I had hit rock bottom and worked on getting better, to little avail, whilst I managed to rid myself of a lot of my demons I was now burdened with the fact that I'd lost the man I was in love with. I couldn't get over him. I still can't.Believe me, I have tried everything, we did no contact from July - September, and all that happened was I drove myself crazy with missing him. He came back and insisted we try and be friends and it's been the same ever since. I feel empty all of the time, as though there is a hole being torn in my chest it's physically painful, I can't think of anything but him.. I have no spark, nothing interests me any more. I just feel like a shell of the girl I once was.I've tried keeping myself busy, work, finding new hobbies, going out with friends. But everything I do is tainted by him, everything reminds me of him. I've tried hating him but I can't seem to do anything but be in love with him. It actually feels as though my life is over. By the way I am aware that the previous statement is just daft, I know I am more than just one man, I know there is more to life than that, I know I'm much too young to feel this way. But knowing all of that changes nothing.He's moved on, he's having sex with other women and was in a (very very brief) relationship over the christmas period. I've yet to manage to kiss anyone without bursting in to tears. He claims he still loves me but he isn't 'in love', I know there isn't a way forward for us, he's made that abundantly clear. So now I need to find my own way forward, I need to get over him.I can't totally cut him out of my life as we both share a best friend. I really do not want to lose her as well.I'm considering howeever taking a volunteer placement abroad for 3-6 months, I figure that in a totally different environment, one I can't associate with him or picture him in I may be able to heal. However friends tell me I'm running away from my problems and when I return it'll be exactly the same.I'm just wondering if any one has any suggestions as to how to get over him. Anything at all. Thanks for reading this far.
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best friend, christmas, flirt, jealous, msn, my ex, period, spark, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (7 January 2010):
 sigh love is complicated look youll probably never get over this guy i still remeber the girl i had a crush on in 1st grade and oh how my little heart broke when she called me ugly and threw her legos at me, stop trying to get over him, you love him its ok, but he doesnt want to be with you so accept that and move one you need to live your life Now go find a man a nice guy like me that you can move on with. ok im not really that nice but you no what you gotta do.
A
female
reader, lovelife1437 +, writes (7 January 2010):
Going aboard is an alternative since nothing seems to be working for you when you're trying to forget him. You're not running away from your problems but smart enough to figure a way to move on, even if it means to go abroad. Going abroad could give you the opportunity to see things from a different point of view. As long as you're proactively trying to get yourself together for the better, it's good to try new things/paths to broaden your horizon because the truth is , which you've mentioned, "there is more to life than that." It's clear that you are strong and most importantly that you recognized your situation so it's a matter of being proactive with what you know could help ease the pain. If you do go abroad, have a wonder-filled trip and come back with a new perception! Good Luck! :-)
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A
male
reader, Jager +, writes (7 January 2010):
i do not think time away would be a bad idea. However the only thing that is going to heal this is time. Usually i find it to take twice the length of the relationship but the reason its so hard is you were friends first. Thing makes things much more complicated.
But only time will heal this one.
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