A
female
age
36-40,
*oracherish
writes:hi i do have problem when it comes to sex i get alot irritated when having sex alot of qestion do come to my head like i'm feeling like a dog or an animal or i see who am having sex with as a very crazy person[i have had several account of rape in my live right from my chidhood]. i also have never loved a guy even when they love me so much and i do not know why i still stay in the relationship even when i cannot find myself.how do i know when am in love. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with you for what you had to endure in your life; I can understand that you have these negative feelings towards love and towards sexual intimacy. The abuse and trauma that you have experienced since childhood have left scars and you need professional help to move on; you need to deal with the pain and the hurt of the past to be able to try and live a normal life and have a happy relationship; unless you deal with the issues of the past and have your feelings resolved you will always relate to sex as dirty and "crazy"; it is very sad and very unfortunate that you have to suffer with these feelings so many years later but you need to get HELP.
You cannot hold yourself responsible for what happened and even if it makes you feel bad or guilty, please do remember you are NOT. Imagine you are a little girl; then take that little girl and hug her; tell her how much you love her and how much you will protect her; close your arms around yourself and start hugging yourself; start making peace with yourself and start loving yourself "the inner child" needs your love and acceptance. Be kind and forgiving to yourself.
Please contact your doctor and ask him to refer you to somebody that can assist you to deal with these traumatic experiences.
You need to know, all is not hopeless; with the correct help you can and will be able to have a happy relationship and you will be able to start enjoying physical intimacy.
I suggest you do get some post trauma treatment and you need to learn to let go of the past experiences. No matter how painful and difficult.
Please ask your doctor for some help.
Keep us posted.
Best wishes, lots of hugs and SMILES.
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