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female
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*mz_xxxx
writes: hi, im in a bit of a muddle... ive been going out with this guy for just over three months, and today when he fingered me, he made me bleed. i know that it can happen because ive read about it. but it came as a shock really, and im so confused because i met this guy when i was on holiday for christmas and we both fell for each other.this guy i met is more or less the complete opposite to my bf, he's understanding, kind, gentle, he makes me laugh. he's everything that my bf used to be when i first met him but now my bf has changed a lot. its like we're an old married couple with so many problems. whereas the guy i met on holiday says that nothing will keep us apart and someday we will be together cause its meant to be. and i truly believe him cause i feel the exact same way. its just that something is stopping me from making my mind up. when my bf fingered me before he didn't make me bleed but now he has and that after effect actually canes and it hurts pretty bad. i need help on deciding what i should do, whether to give up my bf because i feel he's using me and i have a feeling that the "spark" has gone, or whether to give up on my desire of being with the other guy because i don't want to hurt my bf.please help me im so confusedthanks xxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): well i think what you should do is stay with your boyfriend a little longer, see how it goes and if your feelings for this other guy still carry on maybe you need to re-think who you are in a relationship with
A
male
reader, pzeller +, writes (31 December 2005):
 I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you're young. The key here is the difference between "love" and "in love".
"In love" is a feeling. It's hormonal in nature, and very strong (especially when we are young). It is commonly refered to as "love", but more accurately is "lust"
"love" is a commited decision. It is not a feeling, but hopefully is accompanied by the feeling of "in love".
Now, the "in love" feeling will come and go in phases, and this is normal, and has been for thousands of years.
It is probable that you are "in love" with the "new guy", and that you were "in love" with your boyfriend. The fact that you are asking this question suggests there is some amount of real "love" for your boyfriend there as well.
Here's the problem. If you are looking for the "in love" feeling, and leave when that disappears, you will find that you have a large number of very short relationships. Now, if this is what you want, and you are okay with that, then that's fine.
If you want to develop love for someone, you'll need to understand that times will not always be good. That the true test of your "love" comes in how you handle the ups and downs together.
P.S. If he made you bleed while figering you intentionally then this is abusive. If it was accidental, then accept that accidents happen, and he needs to be more careful in the future.
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