A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, just needed some advice on what to do. I met this guy on the net about a year ago, and we talked for months and months just over the phone, almost every night. I didn't really have the confidence to meet up with him for a while so I tried to end things with him before we'd even met each other, and told him to go and be with someone else. He then told me that he loved me despite us not having met up, and to be honest I really felt the same so I told him I loved him too. But I still told him that he should forget all about me. He then went abroad to India and his parents arranged for him to get engaged to a girl from India, and he said he was fed up with his whole situation so went along with it. All the time he was in India he was calling me and we'd talk almost every day. When he got back from India we carried on just like before, talking every night on the phone, and then decided we should meet up. We arranged to meet up in January but again I got cold feet and told him we should end things. That's when he told me he was engaged to the girl from India. We stopped talking, bt would still text each other now and again. Then in February time I decided enough was enough and that we should meet up. When we finally met up everything was great, except he no longer looked like he did in the pics he had sent to me, n i didn't really find him attractive. He thought I was perfect for him, and despite the fact that he didn't look like I'd wanted him to we had a great time, and met up as often as we could considering we lived quite far apart. The problem is that now he wants us to get married and says he needs an answer from me soon as he can't keep the other girl waitin. I just think he's been cheatin on her, even though he says he was 'with' me before he got with her so we should just take our chance and be happy. The other problem is his looks. I've always told him that looks aren't so important to me but I don't find him attractive and now I'm thinking maybe looks do matter to me. He has the best personality ever and I've not got on as well with anyone like i do with him, and I know he loves me more than anything. What should I do, because I need to decide whether I want to marry this guy and I really can't make up my mind? (Sorry for the long story)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): Sorry, you were not listed as a followup.Marraige is just such a large decision that it can't be made if there is uncertainty. Satindesire said what i was trying to say in a much simpler way and I still stand by that advice. Some people should follow their hearts and some should follow their heads. I think you're one who should follow your heart. And if your heart is not ready yet, then wait. It's a big step and not one to be taken lightly. And yes.. that's weird about the pros cons list. Lol. ~SY.
A
male
reader, holikdad  +, writes (9 June 2009):
Get out of the relationship now, change your number, and email address. Don't allow anyone to force you into marriage that's a sure fire way to know it'll end in divorce.
Also never, and I mean never marry someone that does not attract you physically, that could end in disaster as well. Everyone has their own tastes in what they feel is a good looking person so don't let your opinion make you feel that your standards are to high.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): Thanks for your replies. SY - it's strange you say that bcz that's exactly what he made me do - a pros/cons list. There was obviously a lot of pros on there and in his eyes that showed we should be together. I just think he's pushing me and I just need some time, which he apparently can't give me cz of the other girl involved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): To answer directly to the title question, huge life-altering decisions should be made ONLY through a sure, positive, and determined state of mind.
Such as losing your virginity, moving in with someone, getting married..,
These are not things that you need to make a pro and con list over. THey are things that you should only do it you KNOW you want to do them. Otherwise, the regretting, chaging your mind phase afterward, could get pretty messy.
goodluck.
~SY.
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