A
male
age
41-50,
*ing69
writes:Dear Cupid, I have been going out with my partner for bout a year. I really love her and care for her greatly but I find myself fighting for her attention. She seems to care more for her family then she ever would me. I find myself doing silly things to get her attention and we end up fighting. We are scheduled to be married next year and she is busy making arrangments. I am quite successful, but how can I be sure that my partner is marrying me for the right reasons. She doesnt display the affection that a partner should display. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (24 July 2007):
Hi,
I would certainly allow some more time before getting married. She may have issues with showing affection which can be dealt with, but you need to be sure that this is the problem before committing yourself.
It’s stating the obvious a little, but 2 people should get married because they truly wish to spend the rest of their lives making each other happy. Your wife or husband comes first above everyone else. If you aren’t confident that you both feel this way then it would be wrong to marry.
If you are honest with yourself, you probably already know if she is more interested in your money and success than in you. Is she very materialistic? Does she expect big presents and expensive dates all the time? Does she show more affection and pay you more attention when you have spent money on her?
If you think that she isn’t just after a successful husband, then you need to have a heart to heart with her about why she acts like this. Explain to her that it is VERY important to you, and that it needs to be sorted out before the wedding. A big dose of honesty now will save a lot of heartache in the future. If she is the wrong woman for you, then walk away. There are many more women out there, and you are a young man with plenty of time to find another wife.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): I think it's interesting when women write in that the men they're seeing are not very affectionate, the advise always comes back stating that some people just don't feel comfortable giving affection and they should look for signs of their love in other ways. Yet when a man writes in about a women who's not showing affection, it's unanimous that he should dump this woman and move on. Interesting, don't you think?.....Have you tried talking to her about this issue? I'm assuming you are showing her affection and she still isn't getting the hint. I think it's always a sign with a MAN or a woman doesn't show affection to the person they claim they love. If you've talked to her and nothing has changed, you should put the marriage on hold.
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A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Someone can act interested for a year. Even two years. If you're quite successful, and she doesn't have her own "success," if you know what I mean, then you may be marrying someone who's more interested in your money than you. It happens all the time. If she isn't paying you much attention now and you still marry her, you may end up paying her after the divorce.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Stop making the arrangements, you do not want to get married with all this going on. The writing is on the wall, if she isn't showing you enough attention and affection NOW just think how things will be AFTER you get married! I have no clue why she is marrying you if she pays more attention to her family, it just may be for your money and security. You need to sit down with her and talk about all this, but whatever you do CALL OFF THE WEDDING.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (24 July 2007):
 You really need to speak to her and tell her how you feel, she may not be aware of your feelings. If you are getting married in church, try to speak to the minister for some pre marital guidance, most churches offer this service, failing that try to get one of your good friends to speak to her. If she continues to show no affection towards you, then perhaps put the wedding plans on hold until you are sure its what you want.
Aunty Em x
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