A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me almost two months ago, and his mom keeps contacting me. Why would she do it? I always had the feeling she didn't like me during the first years we were together as we have very different views on things, but we were amicable. Over the time I managed to win her over. I wouldn't say we were ever super close, though.She contacted me right after the breakup to let me know she would suffer from not having me around and that she believed love would find a way. I thought thas was super sweet and I replied to her and all, but it's been weeks now and she keeps contacting me to ask me how I am doing with the pandemic, etc (we were in a long-distance relationship and my country is becoming one of the hotspots right now). I'm not sure how to deal with it as she often sends paragraphs telling me how she is doing and she also tells me what my ex is up to and it always manages to bring me back to square one knowing that he is so happy and moving on.I don't want to be rude and ignore her or cut her off, but I don't want to hear about all the things my ex is doing arghhh. Why does she keep contacting me? And any tips on how to deal with it?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 June 2020):
 If she's in another country, it should be easy enough to block her, and change your privacy settings on any social media accounts.
If you don't want to cut her off so suddenly, then you could gradually increase the time it takes you to respond, don't respond at all to some of her messages. Take longer and answer sporadically.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (29 May 2020):
 There's one of two things going on here I suspect: either she is sincere and hoping you and her son will get back together, or your original suspicions were right, she doesn't really like you and this is her way of rubbing your nose in her son's happiness.
That said, it's not really important why she is doing it. What is important is that it stops you from moving on and upsets you.
You can draw boundaries without being rude. Tell her what you have said in your post: that her emails stop you from moving on and stir up old hurts. Then tell her, while you are grateful for the contact, you feel it best that you two don't have much contact for the time being so that you can heal. Wish her all the best and then, if she carries on contacting you, stop answering and block her. Sometimes you have to be a little rude for your own benefit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2020): Sorry about the typo:
"I'm familiar with this type of question, and it isn't really very difficult to resolve."
"You don't mind her doing checks or followups on your well-being; but you need time for your healing, and would appreciate less contact."
"They cannot read your mind, and they will do whatever they like if there are no set boundaries."
She is just being a mother. She has to save-face for her family; and she is being protective of her son. She is more involved than she should be; and you have every right to request that she leave you alone. Don't feel any guilt or be shy about that!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2020): I familiar with this type of question and it isn't really very difficult to resolve. You must contact and speak to her one-on-one. This has to be a personal conversation between you.
Inform her that you are in your healing and recovery period after your breakup with her son. You appreciate her efforts to keep in-touch. You don't mind her checking checks or followups on your well-being; but you need time for your healing and would a appreciate less contact. You will let her know how you're doing from time to time. You wish no further notifications about how or what her son is doing. You no longer want him in your life and do not wish to know how he is doing. You must be frank about that.
You must be tactful and speak your mind when you need to get something across to people. Otherwise, they will assume or presume that all is okay. You have to have the courage to be assertive; and you must clearly articulate your boundaries and guidelines when people take liberties beyond tolerable limits. They cannot read your mind, and they will do whatever the like if there are no set boundaries.
You were never close, but it would be rude to send some unkind or snotty email just to shut her off. I think it would be respectful and mature to tell her in a phone call. Don't linger or beat around the bush, get straight to the point. Be polite in the process. Be classy and dignified.
Then you can block her from your social media accounts, and remove her and her son from your contacts. Limit her access, and that will control her future communications; if she is the overbearing persistent type who will ignore you when you chose the high road.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 May 2020):
 I would just wish her well and be frank about you not wanting to stay in contact as YOU are also trying to move on with your life after being dumped.
If she doesn't take the hint.. simply block her.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (29 May 2020):
 Even if you were married to your ex, there is no need to have a relationship with his mother. Sure it is nice and respectful to have a relationship with the parents of your partner, but it is not a requirement. The relationship is between you and your partner, not the parents.
Since there is no partner, you have no need to maintain a relationship with his mother. Especially if it affects you in a negative way. Why maintain contact with someone that hurts your feelings?? Block all contact with her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2020): There aren't really very many options here. Either you:
1. Tell her how it makes you feel and that it's therefore difficult for you to keep in touch. It's preventing you from moving on.
2. Be tardy in replying to her and hope that the communication get less over time.
3. Just not reply.
The last option is not to be recommended of course. If it was me I think I would take my time over replying and if she persists in getting in touch, then I think I would have to be honest. Maybe with the addition that when you have moved on properly, you'll be in touch? Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (29 May 2020):
If you truly don't want contact but don't want to be rude either I would take longer and longer to reply and make your answers shorter and shorter. "Glad you are all well. All good here. Stay safe."
Keep that up for a while and she should eventually take the hint.
If not send her one last email telling her your email has been hacked and you will be closing it down, then don't reply to any more messages.
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