A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my wife for 27 years. I fell in love with her in college. About 8 years ago, I told her I was gay. She was hurt, as was I. We had children still in school, and I promised myself that I would stay with her until our youngest graduated from high school, which she did this past May. I love my wife dearly and hate to see her hurt...it just kills me, but...there is no sexual desire for her. We have not had sex in over 3 years. A kiss on the cheek, or a hug, is our intimacy. We live together as "roomates", not husband and wife. I'm at the point that I need a separation, (not a divorce) to sort things out. I need to find out who I am. I will generously compensate my wife, pay all her bills, etc. I just need time to be by myself. There is NO man in my life and I don't plan on seeking one. I feel like "absence" will make the heart grow fonder. I have secured an apartment in a neighboring city, not far from my wife. My question is, am I doing the right thing? I truly love my wife but just do not have the sexual desire to meet her needs. We can't go on like this. I've suggested counselling, but she refuses to go. Your suggestions are most appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): I'm sorry, I accidentally hit enter before I was finished with my post.
I don't think counseling is going to help this particular problem. Your wife is the one that was wronged here, so you need to do what will be best for HER. I don't know that reducing your presence will be the best way, as that seems to me like slowly pulling off a bandaid when ripping it off quickly would be less painful.
However you get there, you need to divorce and go sort through your life on your own, not take her along for what will probably be a bumpy ride. Let her get on with her life and find someone new.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): It never ceases to amaze me how many closet faggots get into marriages of cover then ruin people's lives, their families no less, in later years when they now feel its convenient for them.
Ofcourse the best thing is for you to leave to sort out your life, but I recommend a transition, where you maybe live somewhere else but the rest of the time you continue to visit the home regularly. In the first few weeks visit or have dinner every day with your family. This will ease the transition, rather than just a pack up and disappear thing which would be very hard to adjust to for them. After a few weeks, reduce your visits and so on, until you are sure they are adjusting to the new status quo. Continue like you said to help financially so that they don't suffer too much. I would also recommend you go for therapy on your own to deal with your issues. Also, don't be tempted to enter the promiscuous gay scene; remember that gay lifestyles are also more risk prone for STD and other issues. So handle yourself with care and use condoms.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (14 December 2009):
So you want to have a think and then go back to a loveless marriage because you missed her company?
That's hardly fair on her is it?
Tell her that you are going but please set her free to find a man who will truly love her and want to be with her.
She deserves better than this and can find it WHILE remaining friends with you.
Good Luck!! xx
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