A
male
age
36-40,
*ontonbomb
writes:Hello everybody. I'm a long time reader first time poster. So i've recently been dumped by my girlfriend of 2 and a half years (on saturday in fact), and i'm struggling enormously to get over it. I know its still soon but my head is swimming and i'm spontaneously bursting into tears. So a little background. We met at work when she was 17 and I was 19. For the next two and a half years we were in bliss. We never fought, she was caring and loving and we seemed to be so compatible. I started university not long after we got together but we still seemed to be fine until the weekend just gone. Last week we had our first falling out ever where she said that shes getting tired of always being the one who has to come to my univeristy to see me (the reason for this is that I need to take 2 bus rides resulting in 2 hours travel, whereas she only has to travel for 40mins). I did go back as well quite often until my final year at uni when the workload was so large and I recently got a part time job that I couldnt get back to see her. She called me up out of the blue on saturday and told me it was over. It was completly out of the blue. I never expected it and it has turned my world on its head. i cant eat or sleep, i'm having nausea and headaches and i'm constantly shaking. We used to talk about our future and she always used to say she could never even picture herself with anyone else. It is so random that this has happened and coming to terms with it is ridculously hard.I realise that this isn't an original question, nor is there no information on the internet relating to heartbreak, but I feel I need support for my situation specifically. I'm very lonely at the moment as I don't have many friends at university, they are all at home.How can I deal with this? Peoples own experiences would be greatly appreciated.Jack
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wontonbomb +, writes (11 December 2009):
Wontonbomb is verified as being by the original poster of the question I went to a salon for the first time in my life yesterday, always been a $5 supercut kinda guy, but now I think I can use 'sexy mofo' :).
Thanks for your advice anon. Basically, this is how it has played out so far (taking your advice on board).
Spoke to my ex about a week ago, where she rang me up because she needed a dress she left at my place for a work party she was going to today. I was cool calm and collected and just agreed to let her mum come to my flat to pick the stuff up. I asked her very nicely for a reason for the split, and she just said that it was the situation. I replied with, 'how can you fall out of love with someone because of a situation?' and she just burst into tears and hung up. That has been the last of the contact.
I still have quite a few of her belongings (DVD's, underwear etc.) but she has sent all mine back to me. Along with a bag full of photos of me and her together and love letters she wrote me last year. Bit cruel to send those but hey, I don't get this girl anymore.
So its been a week now without any form of contact. Still feeling pretty down but coping skills are improving. I just really don't know what to make of this whole situation. It's almost as if she's acting like i'm the one who ended this. Bizzare.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): I didn't say to tell her to get out of your life. But nevermind.
Tell yourself repeatedly,
'It's ok that life is not fair'
'I will let go of those who aren't into me'
'I will attract those who might like me'
And if you want, 'I'm a sexy mofo' :)
We need to tell ourselves this because, well, girls like survivors. This is why most of the attractiveness of a guy comes from what is in his mind.
Best
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A
male
reader, Wontonbomb +, writes (3 December 2009):
Wontonbomb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo things have taken a turn for the worst. She text me asking if I was ok and if she could pick her stuff up from my flat and I just freaked out. I told her how depressed I am and how I havent ate or slept and then I told her to get her stuff and get out of my life, which I clearly don't want to happen.Man I feel down now.
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A
male
reader, Wontonbomb +, writes (29 November 2009):
Wontonbomb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your answer. I will do that tomorrow and will reply with how it went.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): No shouting or begging. Call her up and if she asks how you are, I think it's safe to tell her that you're extremely depressed about the breakup, because you love her so much. But don't make her try to pity you by saying more than that.
Let it be her idea to get back together. If she asks whether you want to get back together, say 'yeah, but give me some time' (like 5+ days). The reason being, you don't want her to control you with this kind of action again.
If she wants more time together, then try to give it to her.
Take care
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A
male
reader, Wontonbomb +, writes (28 November 2009):
Wontonbomb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply. That could be a possibility I suppose, and I definetly do need some answers. I've been prescribed Lorazepam and Counselling after going to the doctors for my sleep deprivation and malnutrition. I can't really live in this state for much longer or its going to be hell.
I think i'll try and fight through the weekend and then talk to her. Does anybody have any advice on what to say. I don't just want to do the cliche shouting at her about how hurt I am and begging her to come back. I would like to be rational but i'm struggling with that. Thoughts guys?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): Perhaps she just lost the connection with you because you've been spending so much time away from her. And maybe she wants to get back with you if you would be with her more. I would contact her and find out. If not, then remove her from your life entirely.
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A
male
reader, Wontonbomb +, writes (27 November 2009):
Wontonbomb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply. As much as i'm struggling with this I have cleaned out all of her belongings and tried to throw myself into my studies and work. I'm relapsing constantly and am still not eating or sleeping.
What are peoples opinions on contact? She has rang me a few times this week but i have had to pass the call onto other people as I just can't bear to speak to her. I've written a 12 page text message outlining my feelings and although I probably won't send it I still feel like I need to contact her and find out this is all a big mistake.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): I know being dumped by someone you're really into can be extremely hard. My thinking is to get rid of everything like photos, gifts, letters, etc, so you don't have reminders of her. Also go do things so you are not thinking of her. Try and be social.
All the best
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