A
female
age
41-50,
*sthisit?!
writes:My bf and I have been living together for 6 months now. We seldom fight unless we have been drinking. It has gotten to the point that when we do drink, I prepare for the worst and hope for the best. A few nights a go we went out with some coworkers of his. My bf drank too much, as usual (he doesn't know how to stop and usually blacks out if we go out to the bars) and started taking crap out on me. When we got back to our place, he told me in the elevator that he didn't want to be with me anymore. Then once we got into the apt. he started yelling at me and telling me how much of a "whore and slut" that I am!!! He has no reason to accuse me of being either of those... I tried to diffuse the situation for a good 30 minutes and nothing would work so I went and got a hotel room. (we live in a studio otherwise i would have gone and locked the door in another room) its about 2 in the morning once I get to the hotel. I even threatened him that I would call the cops if he messed with any of my stuff. I had no idea what he was capable of in his state of mind.So I get a room, he calls me 4 times the following morning. I call him back 3 minutes after his last attempt to talk and he doesn't pick up. I go to a doctors appt. come back to the apt and he is not here. No big deal Im thinking he's going to get his truck and we'll try to rationalize the night... granted he was drunk. So all day I don't hear or see him.. I call him a few times and text he doesn't reply. Then at midnight he comes to the apt. Im already in bed, he wreaks of booze and gets into bed. I make a pallet on the floor and sleep there. The next morning we finally discuss what had happend and he doesn't remember anything. He says that he really cares for me and doesn't want me to leave(cause I told him I was breaking up with him and didn't want to be in that situation again) . I bring up the valid point that he made no attempt to meet up with me the following day, you know the day after he blacked out and woke up without his girlfriend there. OR that he couldn't reply to any of my texts. Or that that following day he was at a bar drinking from 1 pm to 12 midnight!! Not even trying to see how I am, why I went to the dr, not one ounce of concern for me until I tell him Im leaving!SO, he gets me flowers, apologizes and I can't take him back. I love him and he is a good boyfriend out side of this but I don't want this to continue and if he drinks... which he doesn't think that he has a problem. It could lead to something worse, that he won't remember and think that I am making up! (oh, he thinks that I am lying about most of the night)I guess I am posting this for people to back me up. I am still staying in our tiny apt because I have a ticket out of here in 9 days and can't afford a hotel for that period. I don't have any friends that I can crash with and am just really tired of seeing both of us hurt. I just want this to be done with. I told him I wanted to leave for a month or so and clear my head and said that if I leave then it is done. I can't stay like a sitting duck.Any support would be great!
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female
reader, isthisit?! +, writes (14 March 2011):
isthisit?! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to the post and I ended up leaving my ex in Jan 2011... Its been 2.5 months now and all though I feel displaced because I moved and left my job (I had been working for a few weeks when I left) and my apt, all my belongings and such... I don't regret leaving him. I miss bits of him but not the whole him, tiny bits that had become very infrequent. I realized that he was not happy and his lack of trust with me had me questioning him.. I don't want to be a jealous person and have that insecurity! SO i got the hell out of my destructive relationship and I am so glad that I did! Thanks for the support with my other posts too:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2010): You made the right choice. It's this paragraph in which you explain it all, so concisely:
"I love him and he is a good boyfriend out side of this but I don't want this to continue and if he drinks... which he doesn't think that he has a problem. It could lead to something worse, that he won't remember and think that I am making up! (oh, he thinks that I am lying about most of the night)"
You don't need to put up with that, and he has a serious problem with alcohol, which he refuses to address. Way to go, girl. Pack up your stuff, and if you need to, find a women's shelter in your community, so you don't have to stay in the apartment.
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