A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Guys, I/we seriously need some help!!! A bit of background (some of you may find this familiar!) http://www.dearcupid.org/question/nothing-concrete-but-more-seems-to-be-going.htmlAnyway after a hell of a year last year, my husband and I have made the decision to stop being childish, irresponsible and foolish and make our marriage work. We have the best base for a successful relationship but due to possible post natal depression following the birth of my 2nd child and financial pressures among other things we both went off the rails. It is obviously difficult due to the factors surrounding our deceit, however we know we can, and are, getting along better than we ever have, largely down to complete honesty and openness.However the mistress, as detailed in the posting I made in September last year, will not let go. When he told her he had told me about their affair she told him he had no right to tell me without speaking with her first!!!!!!! WHAT, I am his WIFE, who is she???!!!! He told her it was over completely first of Jan and she understandably sent a few texts and emails, big deal. The work that he agreed to do during the affair (these were the extras that from her part ensured she still had contact with him) were mostly done for free, however he still has bits to finish off, she still owes him an amount of money which he is rightly writing off. She has had more than her monies worth over the 18 months he has known her. His father said he would go and finish off the work priced for and collect the tools, as so not to exasperate the situation further. But is has now come to fruition that my spineless, greedy, using bas*ard of a father in law was always egging my husband on to get with this other woman and leave me as he believes she is more successful. What an effing laugh!!! We had little contact with father in law anyway as he is an arrogant, disgusting person who left his own wife to marry someone else and then when the sh*t hit the fan with her, hooked up with another mug who is now having to put up this vile excuse for a man.Anyway they are colluding and we have made the decision over the past few days to deal with his dad in the way he needs to be dealt with, no problem. But today she has sent another email from her work email address (tis the only one she uses so a call to her company may be in order) saying that father in law is going to finish the work and there is not enough money in the pot to pay him for finishing the freebie extras!! We have worked out that there is exactly the amount of money in the pot for her to pay the spineless wretch for finishing the priced work. What more does she want????Anyway as you may be able to imagine neither of us are appreciating her contact. I do feel like ripping her face off and doing some damage but this is not going to be the most sensible thing to do. even if I could go and speak sensibly, which I probably could, it only will take one wrong word and then I could be in a whole heap of sh*te with no excuse as what was I doing at her house at the first place??? I have a lot going for me both personally and professionally and I don’t want a bi*ch like her to jeopardise my/our future, she has already done enough. I am so laid back normally, but as said before when it goes it goes.We are going to relate, but our counsellor is off with other commitments, Great!!! I need some impartial views. My supports are all closely linked and so their advice is too emotive.
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affair, mistress, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (21 January 2010):
 I remember all of the problems you and your husband were having and I'm glad you decided to save your marriage. The two of you have too much work to do to be worrying about this woman and her shenanigans. She wants you to get upset; she's trying to to things to provoke a confrontation from you. She hates that your husband chose to stay with you and is doing everything in her power to destroy what you are trying to rebuild.
Do like Caringguy says and let the law sort it out.
I bet she will take up with your father-in-law. Sounds like they deserve each other!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): Sorry, to elaborate why I "curse" out my father in law I quote the following that I wrote in the original question "But it has now come to fruition that my spineless, greedy, using bas*ard of a father in law was always egging my husband on to get with this other woman and leave me as he believes she is more successful."
Along with the fact that while I was pregnant with my first child he told my husband not to have his name on my daughters birth certificate????
I am far from white trash, I hope! I was grateful for his help initially and feel really bitter that he failed to reveal his true intentions.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 January 2010):
If she won't pay, take her to court, drag her name in the mud. Also, tell her clearly if she continues to harass you and your husband, you will have a court injunction to keep her away. I'm a tradesman, so I know getting money out of people can be difficult. The trick is to turn the tables on her and make he life a living hell using the law. Which you can. I think you've been a saint to put up with the crap you have. Now you need to be tough and look at this using cold logic. If she won't pay, take her to court, if she won't leave him alone, take her to court.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): Im not sure what to say other than I question why you curse out your father-in-law, whom it seems to me is helping you out a lot! He's doing this work your husband was supposed to do so your husband doesn't have to be over at her place. That sounds to me like he's doing you both a huge favor, so maybe go a little easier on him and focus your anger on the mistress instead. Or better yet, try to stay calm, that way you can still think logically and maybe find a good way to deal with things. Going over to her place to yell her out sounds like a bad idea that nothing good can come off.
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