A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 9 months, living together for 8 of those, I've found out lots of things about him that I couldn't have imagined, but I love him with all my heart and he loves me, my problem is that he doesn't make love to me, he did occasionally at first, and it was wonderful, he seemed to enjoy it too, but now he never touches me intimately, he kisses me passionately sometimes and he enjoys that, I can tell because he gets aroused, we do have sexual contact but it's always me performing sexual acts on him, which of course I enjoy, but I miss the intimacy of him kissing me all over, touching and stroking me and making love to me. He occasionally penetrates me from behind (vaginaly) after about an hour of me giving him oral sex, but it doesn't seem very intimate to me and he will often withdraw and finish himself off. I have tried to tell him what I'd like but he denies there's a problem and says I worry too much. We are always cuddling, telling one another how much we love each other and we are very close in every other way. I know he has a problem with keeping hard and he does take viagra, but at the beginning his love making was wonderful if not often (twice a week) and now it hasn't happened for about 4 months. He enjoys masturbating regularly, I don't know what to do, I often cry myself to sleep.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): Since when did 40 become the new 80? Men in their 40's are still able to have a very active sex life and clinically only 3% are affected by any erectile dysfunction, most of those are in the morbidly obese category. So what's going on here?
Sounds to me like a sexual addiction...to masturbation. When men are young, they can MB all day, every day, and still have sex with women. If this is a habit that they don't grow out of and they hit their 40's still doing this and doing it with more and more explicit porn, well, they completely wreck their sexuality. It's sad but true.
Here's the thing...it doesn't sound like he has given much thought to what is going on here...he dismisses your feelings...that's not a good sign. Are you willing to live out the rest of your life without a satisfying sex life? Because that's what you will be doing if you stay with this man. You need to ask yourself some tough questions here..do some research on sex addiction....try this web-site and stick to the women's forum at first npsupport.net , they can answer a lot of your questions. Don't confront him for at least a couple of months, or until you have a firm grasp on weather or not her truly has handicapped himself this way.
I feel for you...I've been through it and it's a tough road. The tip off for me is that he masturbates frequently...when a man has true ED, they can't get it up, period.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 January 2010):
There is a problem, and I suspect that he may be having erectile problems. For a man, that can be very depressing. Please dint think it's you. You need to be honesty with him though, and tell him that the lack of intimacy is now affecting your relationship. It's not you. He might just be suffering from depression and having erection problems.
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