A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey I need some help sorting out this friendship...to make it work like it should be.Well we've been friends for nearly 2 years at first we were great but then things got weird.I dont quite understand but I feel im being treated very differently. Its like im the one that always speaks to him first on msn and stuff or im the one that texts him arranging to meet up(with others, not just us 2) and everything. When we do speak on msn its always me doing the talking, mostly, there has been the occasional time after we've been out one night that hes spoke to me first and been really friendly with me or even the other week he text me at like 2am after I got home asking if i'd had a good night(with him and our mate). But normally theres just nothing.You see we've always not spoke alot and although he says we're good friends we dont seem to be. We were at college toegther for 2 years and in the last year we sat together, more or less very lesson, he orignally sat there because there was summat up with the other pc where he used to sit but he never moved back. All throughout the first year there it was made so hard for me, me and him never used to talk and I used to well get bullied. I found out what went off thre as well...but thats a totally different story. (Basically it was because this girl ive known nearly all my life has always fancied this guy and something happened - which I thought I heard him admit he liked me because after that people were being different around us and teasing him and saying things, and so after that she started bullying me and turning everyone against me because she was scared of loosing this guy to me. I have no idea why that happen but i found it out afew months ago) So yea i thought all throughout college woul never be the same anyway and it wasnt. We did really become good mates there but then stuff got said about us again(people just didnt like us being mates) an so it went back to the old days. Mind you outsie of college we werent the best of friends but we were much better and he seemed to seem more enthusicastic when talking to me and not like he was trying to avoid it. We;ve had some good times in the past!! Better than i could ever wish for.I just still dont understand though its like after we left college we hardly saw each other now weve been out drinking with a mate of ours and also one time this girl that caused the trouble for me at college came along and me and this guy got on great. Some of the stuff he said shocked me because it was like he was trying to wind me up and joke around with me which he never used to do and ive alwyas wnated him to. Also he spoke to me better. But the thing that shocked me the most was the fact he was play fighting with me and i was so shocked at this espeically as it was infront of that girl that doesnt like me and him being friends. It was great and we spoke loads however you may just say im moaning over nothing but that night i text him syaing thanks for the bruise meany and asking if he had a good night and he never text back, whether he forgot or what i dont know. But we;ve been great and yet if hes ever on msn or anything he never talks to me first or i have to be the one to text him.Please dont tell me im wasting my time over him because im not he means alot to me and hes not a nasty guy or anything. We;ve had a difficult 2 years so im aware things wont always be great but i thought it would improve after we left college. An dont get me wrong it has its just these other things espeically with the conversations that are letting it down, he knows im shy and not the most talkative person in the world but he knows i'll talk about anything really and stuff. I just keep thinking maybe if i meant that much to him he may attempt every once in a while to approach me first but it never happens. And yet we go out and have amazing times like we did the other night when he was like really playful with me and stuff. Pleae help me understand all this, is there any reason this could be happening? What could i do to imporve it i cant really talk to him about it.I know for a fact he will talk to other people no problem both girls and lads because of some of the stuff ive heard he makes converstaion with them and everything so why am i so different? :( Thankyou for listening!
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bullied, msn, shy, teasing, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, califnan  +, writes (8 September 2009):
 It sounds as if he is either really shy with you - or he is preoccupied in his love (or friend) life.. I know you really care for him .. But you (being a beautiful, whole, complete woman) still deserves a man. A man usually takes the role of initiating conversations, etc.. It is nice that you have started the communications and have babied him.. But it seems to me that if you really want to know how he feels, you should give the relationship space.. Time for him to examine his feelings, and see if he approaches You..
A
male
reader, Omegahero09 +, writes (8 September 2009):
 Hmmm. Well first off, you aren't wasting your time with him. You don't waste time with people you enjoy being with (hanging out, friends or family or your pet goldfish 'bubbles,' doesn't matter because you enjoyed spending time with them), and if you're still friends then you certainly aren't. Its... hard to say whats up with him. I want to say that he may just be changing. People change over time, and if you know someone for a time, you will notice it. And that's hard because you want someone to stay the same because that's who you love them for.But it also seems like he still enjoys being with you (hence the wrestling bit- totally adorable if you ask me), and that he may just be busy. When you're out of college and into the 'real' world, your day-to-day patterns change. So there's no telling what the story with that is. I must say though Ms. Anonymous, that I can relate to you. See it bothers me too when my girlfriend doesn't text me back, or when something seems a little out of whack. So I get what you're coming from. And I also understand what it means to fear losing a friend to... nothing. So I offer this- don't freak out about it. If anything, get a chance to pull him aside (go for a walk in a park, or eat lunch at a nice place- somewhere comfortable) and have a little heart-to-heart with the guy. Tell him how you miss being closer to him, and how you value him as a friend, and anything else your heart tells you to. If he is a good guy, he'll smile and say don't worry about it. And I say don't worry about it. I used to slam my head against the wall for hours over worry and it's not at all good. Oh, and one more thing (lol sorry for being so long winded), be unafraid of change. Sometimes things happen and there is nothing we can do about it. If you really love this guy as your friend, then you'll accept his change in behaviour. Stay strong, and please keep us posted. (We care on DearCupid)-Hero
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): That's an easy one mate! your so different to him because he clearly cares about you! Ask him out! I think he is just to shy to ask you out, and doesn't want to risk losing you as a friend, but he clearly cares about you.
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