A
female
age
30-35,
*loudpixie
writes:Hi guys and girls I am a female aspie (mildly autistic). I am hoping to get some dating advice here. Here's the thing, there's this cute guy at work, I totally have a crush on him. But having Aspergers, I am pretty bad at deciphering body language. I am also totally clueless about playing those mind games that other girls play.What I know is that he is currently not seeing anyone. I am fairly attractive though I am not sure he finds me attractive. We are kind of close at work. My attempts at flirting with him dont seem to work I am not doing it right.Any advise?comments from guys are welcomed too.thanks!Also, any dating books recommended for me?
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male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (22 September 2015):
 Sorry, but I still think that you are not forward enough, especially that he is so shy. Also, some people have an issue with dating people whom they work with so perhaps you could chat with him about how he feels about dating someone with who he works.
I'm just throwing out stuff on the table for you to possibly explore with him.
A
female
reader, Cloudpixie +, writes (21 September 2015):
Cloudpixie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell yes we sometimes hang out though it was always me that initiated it. I am still waiting for him to invite me on a real date he hasn't done it. I have known him 4 months and I see him during lunch every day. Maybe he's shy but people tell me I can't be too forward, I should make him do the pursuing.
He is quite a shy guy, he used to sometimes look at me from across the room and when I look back he would look away. But after I got to know him, he would still stare at me from far away. Just that when I look back now he doesn't avoid eye contact, he smiles back with this sideways grin then shakes his head and gets back to work.
He is very intense when at work, he doesn't talk much while concentrating but outside work he is quite sociable and funny. But he doesn't try to flirt with me. I know he isn't repulsed by me because when I touch him like when he teases me then I slap his shoulder or when I lean on him with my legs touching him he doesn't pull back.
I guess he finds me attractive. I used to be fat but I loss weight during college, I only started dating at 20, didn't have experience before that. I am also 5 feet 9 so some guys are intimidated by that, though my crush is over 6 feet. Initially I though he was a leg guy so I wore skirts but he did not seem attracted. But I noticed during lunch time he got easily distracted when a girl wearing a tank top walked past our table. So one Friday I dressed casually with a tank top and jeans. I don't usually wear this because my office has a formal dress code. Anyway when I arrived that morning he was not around because he had a meeting. But when we were headed out in the elevator he was checking me out. When I playfully said "what?" He teased saying I looked sexy was I going on a date that night. I said I don't have a boyfriend. I also asked him if he usually went on dates on Fridays. He said he didn't have a girlfriend.
I expected everything to go on smoothly from then on. But he still didn't make a move. He said I looked pretty and I am tall so my blouse accentuated my shoulders and my jeans made my legs look even longer. Asked if I worked out I said I do yoga and aerobics.
During lunch that day his body language was a little different. He giggled a lot. He also was leaning away about 20 degrees from me we were seated side by side. Though he didn't pull away when I touched his hand.
Alas I was expecting him to ask me out. He didn't. I spent that weekend crying at home.
Maybe he thinks I am too forward. Or I am a skank. :-(
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (20 September 2015):
I don't know what mind games girls play, but having Aspergers should not prevent you from getting to know if he is interested or not. Nor is reading body language reliable cue. Besides, mind games are very annoying to guys because men are generally matter of fact, yes-or-no type of people.
In fact, your Aspergers puts you in an advantage in this case because Aspies are "matter of fact" people as well who need explicit answers so you should just go for that.
Here is a sample: When you see him smile or laugh at something, wait several minutes then ask him "Do you find me attractive?" and say it in a nonchalant, happy and easy form. He may get taken back but he will answer, probably saying that you are attractive and once he does then open the convo more so that it leads to "Let's go out".
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (20 September 2015):
I don't know what mind games girls play, but having Aspergers should not prevent you from getting to know if he is interested or not. Nor is reading body language reliable cue. Besides, mind games are very annoying to guys because men are generally matter of fact, yes-or-no type of people.
In fact, your Aspergers puts you in an advantage in this case because Aspies are "matter of fact" people as well who need explicit answers so you should just go for that.
Here is a sample: When you see him smile or laugh at something, wait several minutes then ask him "Do you find me attractive?" and say it in a nonchalant, happy and easy form. He may get taken back but he will answer, probably saying that you are attractive and once he does then open the convo more so that it leads to "Let's go out".
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