A
female
age
30-35,
*optop197
writes:There's this guy I like. I played soccer with his sister, and his mom was my soccer coach. We've known each other for about five years (that's how long I was on the team), however, we've never really spoken much on account of both of us being kind of shy. Well, I have gotten many "signs" from him that he likes me, and I have a fairly strong feeling that he does. However, though I am 18, I am very inexperienced when it comes to this sort of thing and when attempting to convince my self to "make a move", my brain immediately ends up thinking "why me? He has tons of girls to choose from, why would he choose me?" And then I think "well, why not me?" But then again I think "yeah, but why me?" No guy has ever shown any real interest in me before, so I find it hard to believe that this guy would now, even though half the time I have a pretty good feeling about this. I mean, I've gotten looks from guys while out shopping or something, but nothing "long term" :-)So, for my question. As I said I have gotten many "signs" from him (read these... if you dare... http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlDHXhceZTLvI3vUcjW2bqDBFQx.;_ylv=3?qid=20090608195759AA82j9ohttp://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtC7DgcFwPoxFBfsHsT31vXBFQx.;_ylv=3?qid=20090423190514AAImScJ they are really long. I'm sorry about that...)However, like I said, I'm rather inexperienced with this sort of thing so I got nervous around him and would do the "look at him until he looks at ,me then look away" thing (which he would do as well for a while there) and when he would do certain things I would pretend not to notice in an attempt to not make a complete fool of myself. Anyway, long story short (I know, too late!) I am realizing now that my actions may have inadvertently convinced him that I don't reciprocate his feelings when I do (and I mean I REALLY, REALLY do). So, my question is, what can I do to make it clear (without sounding desperate, or doing anything that would freak him out) that I like him? I've tried to let this go, but I can't. He's a friend on Facebook and he used to live a couple of blocks away from me with his family, but his family moved away but he stayed here living somewhere in the city. I don't know where, though.Anyway, sorry this was so long. Any advice would be appreciated. :-)
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (23 August 2010):
Neither of you is very likely to say anything like "I like you" (much less anything more substantial) until you spend some time communicating with each other. That generally means in-person, face-to-face time - though not necessarily one-on-one, alone.
Do you have a friend who could invite both you and "the guy" to an event? Not necessarily a fancy party, but even "Hey, let's get a group together and watch soccer on TV tomorrow night.". Or, could both of you end up doing something together with your soccer team or league, or some other club or interest group? Probably not playing - but maybe referee, scheduling, coach's assistant, writing newsletters, etc?
You could try sending a message to him - yes, as direct as "I think I like you and want to spend some time getting to know you" - using one of your girlfriends, or one of his guy friends, as the go-between. In my opinion, this works a lot better in novels and films than in real life, but it may be worth taking the chance.
And I know two people who did pretty much all of their initial get-to-know you communication by writing letters - real letters on real paper, or maybe a friendship card (it's SO unusual, and special, to get a hand-written ANYTHING any more!) - for several months before they even saw each other, much less spoke. By that time it was pretty much past "I like you" - we have been married (to each other!) over 36 years now!
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