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female
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*vanna22
writes: I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and 3 months about 3 weeks ago. I'm very over him cuz this was an abussive relationship. I've been seing this guy for about 3 weeks also. I can't wait to start having sex with him. I was sexually active until I broke up with my boyfriend and now I feel like I need sex badly. No, vibrarors and other things don't ineterest me. I wanna be with THIS guy BADLY but I don't wanna have sex with him until he asks me to be his girlfriend. He's still a virgin so I don't think he knows how this urge of having sex feels like. I don't wanna end up having sex with him before we're official cuz we might never be. I don't know what else is there for him to think about. I like him, he likes me, I'm a nice girl I think, i'm loyal, I mean I don't know what he's waiting for. Should I just move on and look for other guys??? I don't wanna kiss him or do anything anymore cuz I think this way he'll respect me and ask me to be his gf, but it seems that the less affectionate i'm with him, the less he's into me. I don't know what to do cuz it's really hard not to hook up with him but then I want my respect. What should I do????
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): he is obviously not as skilled as you are I mean he is a virgin so he wont be able to read the signs that your ready to have sex with him.
I'm sure he is very confused at the moment, I mean your not being very fair, Why would holding back affection maeks him realise that you want him to ask you to be his girlfriend?.
I assume that you are from the states because here in the uk, if you have been going on dates with someone and you see them a lot then that means that your automatically an item unless suggested otherwise.
its just simpler that way!.
just tell this guy that you hope this relationship isnt a passing intrest and that you would like to "go steady" or what ever it is you guys call it.
that way you have given him the oppurtunity to start talking about being Boyfriend and girlfriend.
dont expect guys to be mind readers, they dont even get the subtle hints us girls drop most of the time!!.
Once you have got that side of it out of the way just get more intimate with him each time your alone, and tell him that if you go to far and he says stop then thats ok, be gentle with the poor fella hes still a virgin!!.
Calm down girl its very exciting being in a new relationship its nice to make the feeling last!.
ok have fun,and go easy on the boy!.
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): Here is what I think is going on with you. Firstly, you just ended a long relationship that you say was abusive, cudos to you for having the strength to do that...Be wary of any intense feelings sexual or otherwise that you are having for other men, you are simply transferring your emotions and feelings for your ex onto someone new and they are not real or genuine....you are feeling a bit desperate because you have just ended an important relationship although for good reason.
Secondly, It is very important to spend a few months on your own without getting newly involved in an intimate relationship. You need to get back to knowing yourself, clear your head and your heart and heal from your past relationship, if you try to skip this step it will only cause pain and drama in your life, and you just got out of that after 3 long years. Don't you think you owe it to yourself to take care of yourself? As for your sexual urges, they to shall subside, and there is nothing wrong with "taking care of yourself" until you are ready to get involved again with a new guy.
My recommendation to you is to date around, but not sleep around, you will lose this guy's respect if you sleep with him before a basis of friendship and trust is built between you, and you may scare him off as well with your desperation...Wait until you are in better emotional control of yourself and you will be much happier I promise!
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