A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Someone has said that because I am not shouting out my love for my boyfriend to the world that I am not really in love with him.I don't know if I should believe this or not because they haven't taken into fact that I am an extremely shy person and don't open up easily. Yes, I am afraid to introduce him to family but it's not because I am ashamed of him, but rather afraid of being ridiculed. Family, before I met him, was the most important thing to me. The closest person I have is my younger sister and I have always done everything for her. But when she found out I was with my current boyfriend she got pissed. I guess it's cause she is jealous. He has always tried to be nice to her even though she is a bitch to him. I'm not sure if she can tell I love him, but I'm afraid if I actually tell her she's going to try and cut all ties with me. And it pisses me off, and worries me, that she threatens to do that. I love them both.Anyway, is it wrong or strange, or does it mean that I am not in love with him, if I'm not shouting it out to the world? I thought I was just trying to be sensitive to my family who may have negative opinions about certain people. (which may include him if introduced)
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): Girl Its not about you using the first person so much.I meant you are selfish as you are thinking only about yourself.At times Love crowds all your senses and makes you blind.If your boyfriend is of your age it might take him a while to understand that what you are doing to him is utterly demeaning.
am olive skinned.my husband is so fair that he gets mistaken for a foreigner.Our parents are well into their 65's.India is so conservative that its tough for other people to believe.My parents didn't want me to marry him as he is very fair.His parents didn't want me to as I was not fair.Its worse around here than you think.(laughing).A very long journey is taken with a single step.
Suddenly the loving family you portrayed becomes "fuck my family"?? I wanted you to convince them not swear at them or give them up.If they love you they will understand!!I know one of my friends who waited for 10 years to convince their parents and then got married.Their parents had to give in at the end and forget their casteism as they realized the love of the couple is very strong.This happened in our country where people are murdered over caste and creed.The parents gave in under the gentle pressure of love didn't they?Today my friend is their favorite daughter-in-law.
Last but not the least 1 Corinthians chapter 13.If you claim you love him start practicing Agape love.Please read Spirit of Iona.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually, I talked with him and he completely understands cause he knows my past so and sees where everything runs together. He doesn't feel like I'm ashamed. He knows how it is around here and how it's confusing with colliding generations. Thanks a lot. But I'm still gonna say I love him. I guess I'll just say fuck my family and what they think. What ever I say is selfish. Screw the fact that I use first person so much.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (27 October 2008):
 You shouldn't care what your family thinks if you truly love him. So what if they ridicule you?
It's not about what other people think-it's about what YOU think.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): If you are confused, maybe this can help you.
" Most of us are taught from an early age to pay far more attention to signals coming from other people than from within. We are encouraged to ignore our own needs and wants and to concentrate on living up to other's expectations". (a qoute by Nathaniel Brandon)
Also
Reread what "Spirit of Iona" said in his answer about love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): Girl ever since you have posted the questions all I have been hearing is Me,My sister,My family.Its ME,ME,ME.If that's not selfish I don't know what is.
You have asked us "So you are saying that I should suffer once again in my life being criticized and ridiculed?? How does a punishment towards ME relate to being ashamed of HIM??".Its again about you here.The poor guy wants to meet your family.He is serious about you.looks like he really loves you.If I had a boyfriend and he was doing to me what you are doing to this guy I would have given him the boot long ago.you are scared of being criticized and ridiculed because you are with him.It indirectly goes to say that you are ashamed of him.As Pepper rightly said you stand by the ones you care for.I would face the gallows for my husband as I love him.I don't care a fig as to what other people say.Now Thats LOVE.
If your family loves you they will love him as well.Thats what a family does.They are/should be concerned about your happiness.I respect the fact that you care about them.Will take your point about the environment too.But Where does your boyfriend figure into the picture?If you don't love him enough please don't make yourself and him miserable.Give him up.There are a lot of girls out there who would love and be proud to have a guy like him.
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (26 October 2008):
 Hunny if you love someone you love them no matter what, you may be close to your family, I am close to mine my fiance is 22yrs younger than me and I fought my family because I belived in him..I believed in his kindness and his love for me no matter what it took a yr for my mother to accept but I did it because I love him so it matters not what your family say because if they love you they would love anyone that also loves you and if they cant find it in there heart to accept the very person that cares deaply for you then what will you do, hide him away forever...If it were me Id stand right by his side and be proud to say this is the man that loves me, bugs has said it all love I cant say more than that Im 100% with what diovan said in the last post and bugs TAKE CARE MANDY XX
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): Before answering the poster in detail lots of hugs and kisses to Mamma.(smiles)
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm confused, then. Am I being selfish in concerns to my family or am I being overly concerned with a stupid question. This is why I stated that I wished it could just be the two of us. I DID NOT mean hide him away!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): "There is, in sanest hours, a consciousness, a thought that rise, independent, lifted out from all else, calm, like the stars, shining eternal. This is the thought of indentity - yours for you, whoever you are, as mine for me...creeds, conventions, fall away and become of no account before this simple idea". (quote by Walt Whitman).
and don't forget the words of Charles Field:
"There is abundant testimony that if we choose love rahter then slef, we gain immeasurably".
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo you are saying that I should suffer once again in my life being criticized and ridiculed?? How does a punishment towards ME relate to being ashamed of HIM?? He hasn't done anything to me to be ashamed of. I do speak of him and introduce him to what friends I have, the only issue I have is introducing him to a family that I respect enough not to ignite any discomfort.
Maybe I have too much respect and maybe I'm too sensitive to them. Maybe I'm overanyalzing this whole situation, because maybe they won't even care. I am not thinking of myself, but rather those who may have an issue with my situation. I do care about what they think, and maybe that is my downfall.
I was also only trying to point out that environment and life events create part of a person's views. It just seemed like factors are not put into any sort of consideration.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): Hey Aunts/Uncles this is her original thread.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-introduce-him-to-my-family.html
I was the one who made the comment.Raising both my hands up.you tried to brush me off saying its kinda hard to understand in different countries.am well read,well educated and have a brain on my head.Who on earth said Racism doesn't exist in India?Not only do we have racism,we have casteism,creedism,statusism,richism.....I can go on with the isms.am really glad that ReadyforLove agrees with me.
Not much of a difference between "it's not because I am ashamed of him, but rather afraid of being ridiculed."Girl they mean one and the same thing.
you have also said "Environment is a factor in psychological, physiological, and emotional development"
The character of a human being shines through when you face the odds and do what you feel and KNOW is right!! If a murderer gives the above excuse in court it wouldn't work until otherwise he is mentally imbalanced.
To the rest of the aunts/uncles:
Read her first thread and Please let me know if I said anything wrong.am always open to correct myself.
Regards,Bugs
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): True Love or Agape does not boast, it is not proud and it is not rude, it does not require grandiose gestures or loud protestations, Agape is a small voice that speaks to the heart that says "I Love you" and crucially "I Love you not because of what you have done for me" but "in spite of what you do to me", So you don't fall in and out of Agape when you no longer feel "in Love" through an argument or mistake or when they have hurt you then Agape love will demand that you forgive and put the other first, in other words Agape Love demands a conscious choice, and that is how you know true love because it is also selfless and demands nothing in return.My answer then is Why should you need to justify your relationship, If it is true Love, For Love needs no justification...It justifies itself because it cannot lieThere are two old sayings "the truth will out" and "Actions speak louder than words" as Agape (True Love) rejoices in the truth and is a series of choices on your part you should not need to shout it from the rafters it should be plain for all to see.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 October 2008):
Do you know what I call people who go on and on about how much they are in love with their boyfriend and how perfect he is all the time?
Annoying!
Your younger sister isn't in a position to cut you off and never see you again. She can hardly leave the country, she is too young. She may throw a hissy fit for a while but she will come around. She is just being a teenage girl.
As for you family, they will just have to judge your boyfriend on his character and actions. If they are bigoted in anyway then you have to question if having them at the centre of your life is really the best thing to do.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Janj +, writes (26 October 2008):
 You are allowed not to make a big deal about loving him- it doesn't mean you love him any less.
If you think you love him, then you probably do- it's your decision to make- no one elses. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): You are ashamed.You're afraid of being ridiculed by your family.If you weren't ashamed,you wouldn't care what your family said.And as for your sister,just try and connect with her again if that does happen.
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A
female
reader, wawa +, writes (26 October 2008):
if you ask me it is perfectly normal to not shout it out, it would seem better to tell your family ofcourse, but i have been with my boyfriend for over a year, many people in my family know but my brother, sister and mam dont, ive done this for their sake's, as i know they will not accept him yet as i am only 17, it does not mean you dont love him, it simply means you are being sensable to your situation. best wishes, sarah.
x
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