A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i recently met this guy and i feel good about things.He is well hot and seems v nice. The trouble is he is a bit backwards at coming forward. My last B/f was like a mad stud in and out the bedroomanad we would just do stuff were and when ever. The trouble is this new guy is totally opposite I think and he has so far only done sone v basic sweet kissing with me. He kinda crams up and maybe he is shy or hasnt yet really been with a girl. Im like I really miss my love life with my ex. In some ways I have to parhaps make the first move ,even when we are along he is like super nervous or unsure I think. For me a full filling love (sex) life is so important and more than that I need it each and every day if not more. My concern is if he is unable to say perform should I make the first moves? I dont want to make him feel uncomfortable or think I m easy or wot ever, but even if he puts his hand round me when we kiss he never seems to go much further (one time he did manage to squeeze a breast but Im not sure he really ment to. Do i tell him that I need sex and plenty of it, and perhps reminise about all the naughty stuff my ex used to do to me?.Ive never been with a guy who is not dominant and telling me what they wan. I like that in a man a strong confident attitude. He is missing out on plenty of fun , I did think of surprising him with one of my erotic uniforms and come on all dominering to him but im like dont want to shock him.
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kissing, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2019): Er... I think you just desribed me.
I am PAINFULLY shy when it come to all things sex and nudity. But, I still really want it.
Look- you're together, you both know you want sex, what's there to worry about? Not everyone can be the guy you had before, so don't let that bother you. Make the first moves, but don't push him too quick. Tell him what you want him to do, there and then, when you want it. It'll give his confidence, and ego, a good boost! Don't gettoo brave too quick though- sex on the back of a bus (for example) might be way out of his league, for now.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 January 2019):
 So your Hot guy is a bit on the cool side. Here are some quick notes from reading your post.
It is never correct to pressure someone for sex. You can ask, but not badge. Do you understand the difference?
I'm quite sure your stud muffin Ex is an Ex for a reason. try to keep that in mind.
Never compare to you ex out loud. No one likes that.
Some people are incompatible no matter how cute they are.
BTW kudos to you for being sex positive and open and willing to discuss. it's rarer than you think.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2019): It’s new, don’t compare him to your ex. Give it a few months. If you mention what you like (TACTFULLY!) then and he isn’t interested, then break it off. Some people just don’t rush things. I don’t want to be intimate with guys I barely know and may not be with for very long - lots of people are like that.
Either give him a proper chance (no past sex life chat!) or look for a FwB situation because sex isn’t the way to a good relationship; it’s the other way round.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (23 January 2019):
 Blimey girl, give the poor guy a chance! You have only recently met. The relationship is new. You suspect he may be a virgin. What is more important to you: this relationship or an immediate rampant sex life? If the latter, then let this poor guy go to find someone more patient and caring. If the former, then give him a chance. Guide him, be responsive to his moves. He'll eventually summon up the courage to do more. Perhaps he has been raised to treat women with respect and doesn't want you to think he is "just after one thing".
For the record, I think people who share intimate details of their previous sex life without express request from their partner show a distinct lack of class. It is never a good idea and just leads to insecurities in their partners. Why would you do that?
There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and enjoying it but you cannot force others to be what you want them to be. This guy may be a slow starter but could come into his own later, or he might NOT be what you need, in which case you need to be honest, for both your sakes, and let him move on. Looks are not everything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2019): In the age of "#metoo" there are going to be more and more men afraid of seeming to be sexually aggressive. In that vein, maybe you should just bring it up while you're having a conversation, maybe over dinner or something and just casually mention that you are crazy about men who are confident and your "fantasy" is that he aggressively makes love to you. Also, there's the possibility that he just respects you a lot more than you realize. I'm a fairly aggressive man, sexually and otherwise, but when I met my girlfriend I liked her so much that I was cautious with things because I wanted it to last. Eventually, after drinks one night, she looked me in the eye and said, "Are you ever going to f**k me??" That's all it took, and we've been at it for years now.Of course, there is the possibility that he is just too timid and none of that will work. If that's the case, find out sooner rather than later so you don't invest too much time in someone who is not a good fit for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2019): Do you like your new guy, or looking for a clone of your ex? He may like sex, but he's getting to know you. He wants you to like him, not just see him as a hottie to scratch your itch!
Sex, sex, sex...is that all you're about? Me me me, I want, I need, I I I!!! He's trying to figure-out what type of person you are and whether you really like him; or just using him on the rebound from your ex.
My guess is you're just too much. Not for him. For yourself!
Emotionally-connect with the guy. Let him know there's more to you than your body. Like a brain, a personality, and feelings. Like you can think with your brain, and not your vagina.
Calm-down, and let nature take its course. Some guys actually do have feelings; and they will express them both emotionally and physically when they know they've found the right person. If he's not the stud you're used to; then perhaps you're too busy looking for your ex in everybody you meet.
Maybe you can't see HIM for whom HE IS. You're still hung-up on your ex, and too over-sexed. Stop comparing him to your ex. Go back to your ex if he's not a good replacement.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 January 2019):
 With each relationship you have to hit reset and refresh your mindset. If you tell him about your ex and your expectations, that's going to give him pressure and push him away. It will be a catch up game for him and he would never live up to the your standard based on the comparison with his ex. You have to replace thoughts like, "he should, because I used to have" with "how refreshing it is to have a fresh young guy and that innocence!" Asking your boyfriend to be more dominant is like him asking you to be a quiet maiden.
You did mention you recently met him. I think it's quite normal for a young guy to be cautious. He wants to know if this is going to be a serious relationship. Your ex did not care about commitment, and obviously it's the reason your relationship did not work out. As long as your new guy is healthy and secure in the relationship, I think you should calm down your energies so that you can cherish this new relationship. A good relationship is much more rewarding then the orgasms and the fleeting sense of euphoria that sex brings.
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