A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I would like more reciprocation in my relationship from my boyfriend. Sometimes (or quite often) I feel like I give him more than he gives me. In the past I have come to the agony aunts with a similar question, and some have said just move on. But that's just the thing. I do NEED him. And I'm not just being some dumb young adult. If I take it easy and see if he does anything, he still doesn't. I lose either way. I don't want to always give give give because he won't appreciate me in the long run, but if I don't, then I miss out on the things I need. HELPPPPP!(btw, starting our first LDR, over 2 years dating, he's 3000miles away, I'm in our hometown still)
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 September 2012):
 If you're still alive and well not getting what you 'need' from your boyfriend then I think that proves the point that you don't actually need him.
You're stuck in this situation because you're unwilling to entertain other possibilities. You know your boyfriend is less interested in you than you are in him but you choose to stay. You won't give yourself the chance to be happy on your own or with someone else because you won't allow yourself to go through the grief of breaking up with him.
You don't have faith.
For that reason there is nothing any of us can say that will make any difference.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 September 2012):
 It’s never good to NEED someone. I do not want to be NEEDED by my partner. I want to be WANTED.
Have you told him this? What does he say? Sadly what I’ve learned is that normally if you need to TELL them you need them to alter their personality (which is basically what you are saying) that it’s not a good match…
What do you need that he’s not providing? Clearly you guys are not on the same level of this relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): So... You need a boyfriend who's 3000 miles away in another country who takes takes takes and doesn't give you anything in return?
What exactly DOES he offer you that you NEED?
Anyway I agree with blonde30's, you need to communicate with him to find out if you BOTH want the same thing from each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): What do you "need" him for?
Does he support you financially or something? Well get a job and support yourself.
You "need" him because you love him and just can't see him not being in your life? Well tough shit then OP, because he's not making you happy, you say you need him but he's not actually giving you what you need. So you're stuck.
Why are you even here asking the same old question when nothing we said before made any difference?
You want him to change? He's not going to. You want some magic solution? There is none.
You need him more than you need to be happy, so you just have to put up with it, end of story.
We can't help you, because you're too weak to help yourself OP, no offence but this is your relationship, nothing you can do will change how it works, so either end it and find a guy who can fulfil your needs or just accept that you have chosen to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 September 2012):
 If you lose either way, might as well leave him. This way you are free to see if there someone else out there for you, whose needs are more in line with yours and who is more available for a mtual give and take.
In other words, if you stay with him, you lose and keep losing. If you ditch him, you lose but may start gaining in future.
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A
male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle +, writes (20 September 2012):
"I need him, what if he doesn't need me?"
Then your needs are incompatible with his.
"I don't want to always give give give because he won't appreciate me in the long run, but if I don't, then I miss out on the things I need."
I suggest you try scaling back to not-take, not-take, not-take; that way you won't be not appreciated and not-give, not-give, not-give boyfiend can sit back and not not reciprocate, striking pefect balance beween your needs and the needs of the man whom you NEED but doesn't need you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): You don't need him, you want him, you gotta have more faith in yourself than that.
They told you to move on in the past because many agony aunts value a common thing on this site, that is honesty, we are being honest with you, we are not going to lie and give you false hope.
Relationships are a two way thing, they need teamwork in order for it to be a healthy relationship. You are seeing this first hand right now because of lack of teamwork, you are feeling unappreciated, and he isn't making any effort.
I'm sorry dear, but as much as you re-post this to hear what you want, you'll likely hear the same advice, cause it's more than likely true...
I wish you the best and hope you find happiness...
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