A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I’m having a frustrated year so far.... WorkI closed my business last year after over 3 years of trading and got into a retail job, I then got let go from that retail job and the got called to go to a different branch. I hate it! I try to see the positive in it all but I hate it. I’m actively looking for a new job but am getting frustrated at not getting anything. Because I ran my own recruitment company they say I’m not acceptable to be an internal recruiter for lack or internal experience. I’ve tried other entry level roles and apprenticeships in something new but still nothing. I don’t want to work agency recruitment due to the fact I started my company cause of all the negatives I found in agency recruitment. I’m stressing cause I’m not getting career fullfillment and don’t know what to do.LoveSo I came out to my mum at the beginning of the year and now I’m out I want to meet someone, I’ve too much pride and kinda shy to just approach someone and have just been trying online dating which isn’t matching any suitors that I’m attracted to. There is one guy I do really like and I’ve posted loads on here about him in the past. We’ve been talking a lot more recently and other things a couple of friends reckon I should just tell him I fancy him, another few say his the reason I can’t meet anyone. So I’m unsure what to do there too I so wanted to start 2019 with everything together but it all feels like it’s falling apart.... I feel trapped and though I will keep fighting it’s getting exhausting.
View related questions:
shy, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (22 February 2019):
 You sound like you have a background in Human Resources. Why not try Corporate HR roles? You can start with an entry level HR role which may require you to post jobs, screen candidates, arrange interviews etc.. then with more experience, you can take on a more senior role where you would be involved with making employment offers, terminations, employee benefits, compensation, legal, etc.. and while working in corporate, you may meet that someone special... :) See, all your problems solved!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 February 2019):
 Amen to that. I'm not getting career fullfillment either. People always ask me why I dont have a more suitable job. I have a masters degree and work a job that doesnt require ANY education what so ever. Any 16 year old could do my job. My old boss even hired her 19 year old, inexperienced, fresh out of school, niese to take over after I left. So if you want to talk about career fullfillment... Yeah. I kinda know what you mean!
And why are things this way? I guess because jobs are hard to come by, our contact Networks are too small, people only hire relatives (or so it seems to be), or they just dont like the look on our faces. I have no idea why I can't get a break either. You ask me, I ask you. It is what it is.
At times like these, I think it's good to know you're not alone. Im in the same boat as you. So that helps. It also helps to know that... after all, at the end of the day, does career fulfillment really matter? I dont have a lack of ambition, but Im being realistic. At the end of the day, just having a job, any job, is good enough. As long as that job pays enough to feed you, keep a roof over your head, and allow you to buy the essentials you need.
The rest, Beyond what's necessary to survive, are just.. extras. Carreer fulfillment is an extra. The latest iphone is an extra. I keep trying to remind myself of that, and ask myself what do I want from life? When Im old and on my deathbed, and looking back, what will I wish I had filled my life with? I don't think 80-year old me will care what kind of job I had, or if I had career fulfillment. I think I'd look back an be happy as long as I had a good time living, and had fun, and laughs, and did the things I enjoy. Work is just work... It doesn't have to be part of your reason to live. Great if you find a job you love, but in my experience it's more about the people you work with than the actual job, and its more about having a decent pay than the actual title/profession.
As for Your love life... Congrats on being out of the closet! Don't tell Your love interest that you like him. Declarations of love are just cheesy and weird. Instead, ask him out for coffee. Then pay for it. Paying for it sends a Clear signal that this is a date. Then at the end of the date, ask him out again: "I had a great time today. Oh, and by the way, there's a concert playing next week/there's this restaurant I've been wanting to try out, would you like to join me?" If he says yes, then he KNOWS its a date and is interested in getting to know you more. If he says no, then he's not interested and you should move on. There are more fish in the sea.
Oh, and if you haven't tried it yet, do attend a Pride somewhere. They are great fun. And join a club of sorts for the gay community, or go to a gay bar. Very easy to get to know others at such venues and very easy to find someone to hook up with/date. Also the parties connected with Pride festivals are awesome.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2019): You're giving-up in frustration. You're still feeling grief and angst over your failed-business. You're allowed to. You once had an entrepreneurial-spirit; but disappointment set-in; because it didn't make it.
C'est la vie! Such is life! You win a few and you lose some.
Work
When you've got to pay the bills, eat, and keep a roof over your head; you get a job and you love the paycheck! Even if you hate the job!!!
You work days, and go to night-school; while you cross-train into something else. You take courses in business; so you'll know how to run one without running it into the ground. You must also network with other entrepreneurs; until you're inspired to come-up with something else, while keeping a day-job.
In-time, you might even partner with someone with a fledgling-business that has the potential for success. You both work at it, until the dream is fulfilled. You stay focused on the business, live frugally, believe in yourself, learn how to manage a budget, and you work diligently to defy failure.
Love
Stop pining over people who don't have a clue you exist; or can't figure-out you like them, after all your sulking and drooling the past few months/years. If they haven't figured-out you like them; they're more than likely pretending not to notice. While using you the whole time. Don't be stupid! Don't think with you dick! Pretty often, gay-men can be conceited and narcissistic. Loving your admiration, having sex with you, and holding-on to your attention; but giving nothing back.
Let him go, whomever he is. You don't have time for the foolishness. You're too old for crushes. You're a man now.
News flash! You won't walk-out the door, and find love just waiting around the corner. Love won't feed an empty belly, or pay the rent.
You can go on dating-sites; but a large percentage of the people there are self-centered, vain, and/or looking for someone with money. Craving to be flattered, and obsessed with their vanity. If he's cute, he wants to be "a cute couple." Centered more on image than substance. If he's average, they're insecure; if they think you're better looking, or if you don't immediately want a boyfriend.
If unattractive; you probably won't bite. So lets move on.
Don't commit too much or become too dependent on dating sites. Work-on developing a good personality; and build your character, to be deserving of someone special. Stay visible and available. Be cultural and curious to learn things. Don't be on a mission for love. It doesn't happen on-demand; or just because he enjoys having sex with you. Love takes time to be connected and established. You develop trust, stay on the same page; and don't throw the L-word around like fertilizer.
For the time-being, put love on the back-burner. Occasionally date for fun and casual companionship. No sex on first-dates. If you meet someone, it will be unexpectedly. Keep promiscuity in check, and play-safe! Use condoms EVERY-TIME!!!
You really need to focus on getting your life together. That, or you'll be broke and homeless! Even worse! Living in your parents' basement, their attic, or in your old room until you're 40!!!
...............................
|
