A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I really need help dealing with my thoughts.I am in a stable long term relationship and have been for almost 3 years. Everything is going okay- we talked about marriage and we live together. However, my partner has had one significant relationship before me where he got hurt. He was living with a girl who had a child from a previous marriage. She was quite demanding and to keep her happy he bought her everything she asked for to the point where he got in debt. It all ended when she cheated on him and he left her as soon as he found out. He says he is over her (its been five years since their relationship ended) and I believe him. He has not kept any sentimental photos or cards or anything of the sort. The house is completely clean of her- in fact I am plastered all over it! lolHowever, in his personal records (of receipts and bills etc) he has kept bills and receipts of things he had bought for her, also things that she bought which got delivered to his house (where I am now living). Also, they got a dog together and the certificate has both their names on it. I look at all these things and I feel a little sad. He shared so much with this woman and I haven't shared anything with anyone else. I am in my early twenties and I am a virgin so my current partner is my very first proper relationship. He has not done anything wrong. He had a life before me and I accept that but what I need help with is my thoughts of sadness and jealously that I feel when I see her their names together
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debt, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): If its just a few little reminders that are making you unhappy, then speak to your partner and explain. He had a past and theres nothing you can do about what happened before he met you. But he could dispose of any remaining paperwork quite easily.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010):
Men are more prone to feeling retroactive jealousy over their GF's past sexual experiences with other men.
Women are more prone to feeling retroactive jealousy about their BF's past emotional experiences with other women.
It's just two different flavors of the same problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): HEy there,
Thank you guys for posting. It was good to get a couple of views on what I was feeling. I think it was just a case of me not having shared anything with anyone before and having to share all my special moments with him which cannot mean as much as he has shared all these things before with another person.
Thank you again for your help!
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A
female
reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (12 March 2010):
 Receipts, bills, certificates, material things, have no value. If those things have your partner's ex's name on them, it doesn't mean anything except her name is written on them with ink, nothing else. You shouldn't feel jealous or sad, that part of his life is over and he's with you now. You two will get to share greater things together; his past relationship is irrelevant.
Instead of feeling sadness, feel happy and alive! You are with a loving person who "has not done anything wrong." Those bills or whatever should not cause you to be sad; they have only her name on it, not her actual self =)
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 I dont think you have anything to worry about here.
I keep recipts for 5 years before destroying them and things like the dog certificates most people would keep for a lifetime.
It sounds like you have a good relationship and you have to let your insecurities go or it will hold you back.
If you have no other reason to doubt him then enjoy what you have got now and dont dwell on his past. Its you he is with not her.
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