A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am looking for advice is dealing with a situation regarding my son's partner and her mother.background and my son got involved with his partner at 17, something I wasn't happy about as she is older and had two children from a previous relationship. Her ex was in and out of the jail and her ex father is a convicted pedo. Her children were taken off her before she started a relationship with my son. I told him he was a bit young to take on the role of a partner but at the end of the day it was his life and I had to respect it, or lose my son.shortly after he told me she was pregnant, which although I was worried for him I had to accept the baby was coming.His partners kids were taken and put on the at risk register, because they weren't getting looked after and the house was filthy.my son and her got a house and together managed to get her kids back. They were under the social and things were looking good and I was told I would have to accept her two kids as my grand kids, which I did.His partners mother has never lifted a finger to help them, but constantly lived off them, they have fed had to feed her, give her money and smoke their cigarettes, slowly I started to notice that things were slipping, and her mother wanted the social out of the way, but I thought it was a good thing, as they could keep an eye on the kids, when my beautiful grand daughter was born, she was also put on the at risk, eventually with my son giving them a stable home and working, they came off it.I don't live near my son anymore but visit when I can, and my older sons visit daily, and they tell me the same things, that the kids are unkempt not clean, and their mum does nothing except sit in her kitchen with her mother smoking.so time passes and when I get up for a visit I can't wait to see my grand daughter, I do treat them all the same but my grand daughter is special as she was my first, so I took her to shoes as she didn't have any, and wardrobes of clothes. I've tried to help them out over the last four years, I bought them a fridge gave them couches and furniture only to find out the fridge was swapped with her mother for a old battered fridge freezer, and the other things not there.my son's partners mother is 43 and has just had another baby number 6, they are all to different fathers, she doesn't work and is pretty rough and ready and has a bad name. She has always ignored me when I visited it's obvious she has never liked me, we did speak briefly but after I moved away she would write nasty comments etc on her daughters fb to me if I commented on anything. So when I visited which takes 7 hours, my son's partner and her mother sit in the kitchen for our whole vista, last time we came, I was there 5 hours and she spent 10 minutes talking to me as her mother was over,I had asked my son if he could arrange it so her mother wasn't there but nothing happened. They had a new baby recently and I took up loads of things for her, I also knitted her beautiful outfits which was never worn, I send up presents on all the kids birthdays and yesterday I shared a photo of my grand daughter on fb and my son's partner deleted me, I had over the weekend blocked her mother, as I've had enough of her nasty comments, the thing is I could easily have given a piece of my mind long ago about the lack of support she has given her daughter and the living off them but I knew I wouldn't get to see my grandkids, so I messaged my son to ask why I was deleted from her fb and asked if it was because I shared my grand daughters photo or was it because I blocked her toxic mother, and he blocked me, no reason nothing, I've always been close to my son, and I've done nothing wrong, all my children don't like my son's partner and constantly complain about her mother being there and living off them.her mother has never been a mother to any of her kids and I think she is at the back off this yesterday.my son has put her out his house up teen times because of her attitude and living off them, I have never interfered but I rang my other kids last night and told them what had happened, they are all livid and we're going to speak to my son today, I love my grand kids, but I won't go near there house anymore because I really think they are the pits. I don't know what to do now, do I leave things, I think after everything I have done to help them they have a cheek to ask me to treat her two other kids as my own flesh and blood then do this to me.help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2016): Hi I have always treated them all the same, the oldest daughters birthday was last week and I put up a post for her birthday, nothing was said about that, they put up photos of the eldests party and I liked it, but apparently I only like the photos of my son's daughter, I never realised. My son told my eldest son that I spent hundreds on the youngest two and the oldest two get stuff out of a pound shop. That has ready hurt me, I bought the oldest two new coats n hats for Xmas, and the second youngest got a new bag for school and elsa dress up set, n dress, and the baby got a couple of outfits, so where this comes from iI don't know, when I was away on so im at a loss, im not going near their house again, ive always helped them out over the years, and no one else has, i never get birthday xmas or mothers day stuff, and i never say anyth7ng because i know they need the money, but her mother is always thanking them for her gifts, on her birthday mithers day, she doesnt even bother with none of the kids, she just shouts at them, calls my second youngest grand daughter a bitch. She is only 4, yet im meant to hold my tongue year in and out, when ibe been up and the kids are dirty n house is dirty, its embarassing, when she does share photos most of the time the kids hair isnt brushed their faces are dirty and their clothes are filthy. I just dont know what to do.I sent them up stuff from the holiday. they were all the same.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 May 2016):
 Urgh! I can't begin to imagine how HARD to must have been to bite your tongue for so long!
First off, though... it's Facebook. If they don't want you on theirs it's within their right. Being upset about will not help you, and obviously only create more drama.
My guess is, the GF of your son and her mother feels judged by you (and honey, I don't blame you for that!) but it has given them this "we will show her" attitude where they have just excluded you where they KNOW it hurts you the most.
As for all the babies, whether they are his or not, should be irrelevant. So my question to you is, DID you ever post picture of the other two for their b-days? Or only your "blood-grandchildren"? Did you overall make them feel as special as your "blood-grandchildren"? If so... good for you! If not, that might be one of the issues the GF/MIL has with you.
As for your son. He is a grown man and he HAS chosen to BE with this woman, and to allow the "MIL" to hang around. Maybe.. your son is a bit of a mug. Maybe he just really loves her and the kids. Either way, HIS life, HIS choice.
Would I want to visit them again? No really. I would however, keep sending birthday-cards/present to ALL the kids. It's not the kids faults that the grown up can't behave lie adults.
I would them just back off. Either your son will come to his "senses" or he won't.
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