A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:we see each other once a week, have a great time, laugh, talk and carry on, occasionally go to dinner or a party together, and then we have sex. i don't hear much from him when we aren't together which is fine, whatever. he tells me in bed that i'm incredible, strokes me hair and cuddles with me. he'll buy me dinner or drinks. i know he doesn't want to be in a real relationship with anyone because he works crazy hours and will be leaving town in a few months, and he was hurt from a previous relationship and is scared of commitment. when we were actually dating, he couldn't keep an erection up, but now that the romantic pressure is off he has no problem. so the question is, do i ever have a chance of winning him back or is this a total lost cause? i feel like he has some feeling for me deep in there but isn't a commitment phobe.
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female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (20 April 2009):
 Why did you guys stop dating?I don't think there's such a thing as a lost cause when it comes to love, things can turn around in a heartbeat. You mention he's leaving town in a couple of months - is that something you will be able to work around? Even people who are 100% ready for a relationship will be a little more reluctant when it comes to a long distance relationship.All you can do is put it out there and see how he feels about the situation.Good luck!
A
female
reader, littletigle11  +, writes (20 April 2009):
 In answer to your question.There is every chance of you winning him back, but if he's a commit-a-phob, it isn't going to happen fast. Men who are insecure need to be told how you feel. A heart to heart. You simply need to tell him...Then ask him what he wants. As with his limited time before he goes away, you's both want/need to be happy.If that doesn't work out and he wants to keep things the way they are, go with it. Like you said he's leaving in a few months. You're enjoying what you's are doing now, right? And if so, just go with it.At least at the end, you've always been honest to him and yourself.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 April 2009):
Friends with Benefits only ever works when you are just friends.
If you want more then you are going to end up being hurt in the long run.
It sounds like your bloke is treating you well and fairly nice, so I don't think he would want you to be hurt.
In 99% of cases where someone is in love with their "friend with benefits" I tell them to walk away as it's never going to happen.
With you though, I think you should consider that but just try talking to him first. Tell him you just need to know he cares about you and isn't going to use you till something better comes along.
I mean, would you be happy with your relationship to happily carry on like this for the foreseeable future? IF he said there would not be anyone else and that if his circumstances changed that he my be able to give a bit more of commitment?
Or do you want a more regular boyfriend who you plan to move in with / get married to / have kids with in the next couple of years?
If you are happy to carry on as you are and just want to know where you stand then talk to him. If you are going to be hurt if you carry on then walk away.
Good Luck!! xx
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