A
female
age
51-59,
*indy0101
writes:I hope someone will be able to give me advice on this which is breaking my heart. I have been with my partner almost 6 years and he has left me. I came from a marriage of 20 years where i found my husband in bed with another woman, so to of got together at the time was massive for me. i am 46 and he is 36. We have had lots to deal with in the relationship including his ex that tried to split us up for 2 years, his daughter that i tried to get on with for 2half years but she made it clear she didnt want her daddy with anyone so my partner thought it best to keep his children away rather than have talks with his daughter as he said at the time he didnt see her enough to cause her any upset. Also i havnt saw his parents for 3 years, i got on very well with them but a complicated issue that my partner knew was down to his dad not me.The problem.....my partner has a friend that he knew from years ago that they grew apart then he came back into his life around 2 years ago. My partner went on holiday with him end of last year, we hadn't of gone anywhere for 3 years, but i was happy for him to go for the experience and hoped we could also plan a break for ourselves.Since this holiday, my partner has become very close to his friend and his wife (she didnt go) They met at New Year, have been meeting up for lunches the weekend my partner has his children and have never asked to meet up with me. The couple split up for 7 weeks this year over trust issues and got back together around 4 weeks ago. My partner told me that the last time they went out for coffee, he was asked why didnt he go round to their house when they had split up? I said to my partner this was odd and he said not really as she just thought there may have been something he could of done to help.He was also asked to go on a family holiday with them this summer with his children. His mobile rang a couple of weeks ago when we were in bed and it was his friend saying sorry it was so late but his wife had been nagging all night for my partner to be rang as she wanted to know if he would def be going on the holiday. I said to my partner i was not getting a good feeling about this and please would he not go.His response was that it was a family holiday and he was going for his kids and that was that it was not open for discussion and he was not going to be bullied into being told what to do.While away with my mother and daughters 2 weeks ago, i started to get terrible anxiety and couldnt get it out of my head that there was something not right about all of this. i contacted my partner how i felt and he refused to discuss it with me saying it was madness.I threatened to contact his friend if he wouldnt help me as i got myself in a terrible state and he told me to carry on.I did and now the consequences are huge.....his friend was furious when i wrote that i just felt uncomfortable about the whole situation.He sent me a nasty message back and contacted my partner, furious.I returned from the break which i didnt enjoy because of this in my head to find my partner had moved everything out of my house, understandably.A few days went by and we met up and he stayed for 1 night.He had briefly saw the friend and they planned to meet up.They did and my partner came to my house saying it was all good between them.. He was there less than 5 minutes when i asked him if he had told his friend something that i asked him not to repeat...about us going to counselling to resolve some issues. His reply was yes,,,he said he had a right to know. i went hysterical crying and he left and in my anger text the friend again saying my partner had no right to tell him our business.The friend then rang my partner in a rage, telling my partner never to contact him ever again and this was all hassle in his life he could do without....My partner now says theres no chance in this world for us, although he still loves me, as this is just the icing on the cake for the problems in our life.can you tell me why i would of reacted in this way, did i have a right to feel as i did and if anyone thinks there is a chance things will work out.have not slept hardly for over a week..thank you for taking the trouble to read such a long problem and will appreciate any feedback
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a break, broke up, bullied, got back together, his ex, on holiday, split up, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, leo1  +, writes (11 May 2016):
 Well your partner doesn't care much about you and how you feel, your like an option to him and his friend is a priority.
Yes you had aright to feel as you did but i think there is nothing you can change here, your partner chose his friend over you
A
female
reader, sindy0101 +, writes (10 May 2016):
sindy0101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi janniepeg,my reply to your answer, of which I appreciate you took the time, is I am wondering if you have read it correctly. My partner and I havnt had a holiday for, this year would be 4 years...He had an expensive trip end of last year with the friend and has since socialised with the friend and wife of which I have not been invited once...my partner sees his 2 children every other weekend and it is them all who have been invited on this summer holiday with this family...my anxiety came when the wife gave my partner her mobile number, asked him why he didn't go to see her when him and my partners friend split up and then invited him on holiday with them, I just felt uneasy about the whole thing...I said to my partner we could all go and we could have a caravan next door and his answer was no...this is why I reacted the way I reacted,,,I wasn't trying to spoil everyone's fun,just felt as though I was being treated as though I was nothing....many thanks
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 I am guessing you have reasons that you were against his recent family trip.
You have separation anxiety, since you had dealt with the pain of being cheated on before. He had gone on holidays without you for 3 years. You felt being left out. You were worried his friend could be a bad influence him, somehow telling him that relationships are a hassle and it's better to be single. Perhaps something is missing in the story. I don't understand why you didn't want him to go.
Now I will explain why he wanted to go. He hadn't seen his daughter for a while. He's catching up with a long time friend. He was looking forward to a trip without drama.
At the end he was angry because while he was able to go on the trip, the drama had to come from you interfering with their friendship.
Your ex's decision to leave is a combination of being overwhelmed with emotional and trust issues. He's also resentful that he sacrificed his father daughter relationship and all he got was your distrust and anxiety.
I think you two are a bad combination. Separation would hurt but in the long run it would do you good. You have to realize your anxiety was not his fault. Of course you have the right to feel what you feel but he also has a right to not want to be in this drama, and to choose what's best for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2016): You have brought some package from your previous relationship into the new one and unfortunately chosen another partner who keeps you at a distance.He was excluding you from his life. Period. You had a horrible reaction and did things you maybe otherwise wouldn't do. I know it's hard but you should move on and this time take the time to heal and grow. Why would you stay with a man who pushes you away? Why would you be with someone who does not make you a part of his life?If he thinks that in some way you are ill suited for his life for whatever reason, then he shouldn't be with you. He should have left you long time ago instead of putting you in a drawer separate from everything else in his life.Ask yourself how can you love someone who treats you this way?I don't justify your actions, but you obviously do not feel loved, respected and protected in this relationship. Off course he should put his children first, BUT not on a way that would exclude you completely.Excluding you from normal socializing with friends is ludicrous. If he is ashamed of you for some reason THAT IS HIS PROBLEM. HE shouldn't have pretended that everything was fine and you on the other had should have be focused more on yourself instead of you two as a couple or him individually.It is not a good sign that you two never went anywhere together. It's not okay for him to go later on a family holiday that doesn't include you.All of this is HIS doing. Stop blaming other people (his daughter being difficult, for example). If he wanted you in his life he should have made some space for you.
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