A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. When I was 15 I had my first experience with sex. It was with a guy that was a few years older than me and took advantage of me. I didn't want what was happening to happen but I couldn't say no because I was scared. When he asked if I was ok when he was done I said yes because I was scared of what he would do if I told the truth and I wanted to believe I really was ok. I know I was young and stupid but this experience has been ruining sex with my boyfriend of 2 years that I love very much. I think of the bad time and start to feel sick or I tense up. I really would like to get past this because it was years ago but I don't know how. Does anyone have any ideas? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (3 April 2012):
You need someone to help you work out what is troubling you. Whether you are angry with yourself for what you let happen, or angry with the guys that did this to you. I am sad to say that many young women have had similar experiences as you and it is good that you confront your fear and understand why they are there and you will overcome this. You have a boyfriemd who LOVES you. Remember that. It is the love that is important, not the sex. Good luck, it will be ok.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all that answered :) my current boyfriend does know and is very understanding. I will look into taking your guys' advice about a psychologist or therapist.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 April 2012):
 Have you been to a therapist? You are struggling with getting over this episode, and the best thing I can recommend to you is to see a therapist or psychologist. Psychologists can go deeper into problem solving than therapists can, but therapists also help out a lot.
The thing is that it would help you to talk about the episode. I am sure you have been trying to forget about it, and then talking about it in depth would seem to be the complete opposite of what you want. But, talking it to death helps you. When processing what happened and how you feel about it, you learn what emotions you really feel, and also how to respond to those emotions. A professional will help you deal with your reactions and also help you channel your emotions in a direction where you want them.
Right now you are probably channeling those feelings towards your current sex life. Which is causing you trouble. A therapist can help you channel those feelings elsewhere, and help you distinguish between the experience you had as a 15 year old, and the experiences you have now as an adult.
You don't know how to do this by yourself, if you did you'd not be here asking for help. But a therapist, preferably a psychologist, knows how to! So seek one out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): If you haven't told your boyfriend then please consider letting him know, it helps immensely if he can understand your fears and then together you can build up loving experiences. Remember that the fear was from another guys actions, your boyfriend loves you and only wants to make you happy, telling a doctor too can help as they have professional counsellors trained to help victims of sexual abuse and it really helps to speak to someone like that. Good luck x
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (1 April 2012):
 Do not try to handle this alone, go and see a counsellor.
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