A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Long question...I've been with my current boyfriend just over 3 years, and things have been amazing. He's nearly everything I could ask for in a boyfriend, we've even called each other "soul mates". However, during the past few months, I'd been thinking that perhaps we had gotten too close. Before when we talked about marriage and living together it seemed romantic--now I'm terrified. I'm only 20 and now just realizing that he and I were perhaps moving a bit too fast, and getting far too dependent on one another. Not only that, but I feel that sometimes I would like to try and date other people. Not because I'm unhappy, but because I feel I want to explore all my options and "sow my wild oats" as they say, before really settling down. I've even developed a crush on one of my close long-time guy friends, and recently learned he felt the same way (both of us, on and off over several years).My own idea was to simply "take a break" from my current boyfriend, be single for a month and see how I feel later. But once I presented this idea to my boyfriend--he hated it. It was all or nothing. I explained to him exactly how I was feeling, and even mentioned to him I had thought about my friend (but not emphasizing it). We've talked about it over 3 days, and he's been incrediably understanding, but alas the decision is in my hands. I changed my mind nearly every hour over those 3 days. In the end, I decided to stay with him and we've both agreed to simply back down a bit and see we're our relationship goes, and not worry so much about the future.My question is--am I kidding myself by staying with him? I still have a knot in my stomach, even though we've "worked things out". Part of me loves him very deeply, but the other part of me is still curious as to what is out there, including my friend. Am I simply too scared to leave him? Another factor is time. I'm mostly likely going to be moving to a school in Chicago which far from where I live (6 hours) in about 4 months. My boyfriend says he'll still be with me during that time (should I wish him to be). But when I move, I lose my ability to have even a short lived relationship with my friend. Should I just break it off now? I've already changed my mind tons of times, and I know it's already hurt him very badly, but I still want him to respect me.
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female
reader, Honey2be  +, writes (19 March 2009):
Hi, i think you should go with your gut instinct. Your young, you wont be able to go 10/ 20 yrs or a lifetime pushing these feelings aside. I think they will always be there till your young,free and single again and allowed to be free. I dont think going to this other guy would be best, especially seeing as you would have just come out of a long term relationship. I think you need time on your own, to have fun and figure out what you really want. The fact that your having so many doubts says to me that the relationship your in cant be right. I know you dont want to hurt him, but you've done the hard part. Explain to him that you need time to do this and maybe you can remain friends once hes got over the pain. I hope this helps a little x x x
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