A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am sorry to rattle on but I am desperately in need of advice on topics that I have never experienced or seen someone go through. It would be helpful for advice from females and males.I met this girl who is three years younger than me. we dated for a short time. things were going great in my opinion but for her it can't of cos she said to me it wasn't going to work. she was my first proper girlfriend and my first sexual partner. She had already had a few sexual partners and a couple of one night stands (not sure exactly but I think about 7). she hasn't had the greatest of family lives. Her dad hit her mum and then he left them. She doesn't see him now. Even though we only went out for a short time I developed strong feelings for her. I have tried to convince myself that these feelings were false but I just don't believe myself when I say it. nothing bad happened for us to break up so I can't say anthing bad about her and believe it (I wish I could cos it would make things easier). She never has told me why she ended it but did say she felt bad about ending it. Her ex's have never treated her right. They were fine to start with but then were never there for her. since we split we stayed friends and she has felt able to tell me more. she told me she is depressed and is seeing a councilor. her ex's have said they would support her but never have. I know I would stand by her cos of the way I feel about her. I don't want to sound like I am perfect cos I'm not but I feel I know how to treat a girl right. I feel I know how to treat them because of what I have observed in relationships around me. I know that know matter what I would never hurt/upset them and I know that you should never stop spoiling them if they are worth it.The topics I need advice on are:1)someones personal experiance on how a relationship with a family member(i.e dad) has efected your relationships/ relationship choices2)friend zone*3)fall back guy*4)flirting (I can't decide if see is flirting or not and if see is why see does it)*I am struggling to work out if I am now in the friend zone and that means there is definitely no chance of us or if she knows I am different from her normal guys and she realises that it could work between us but not while she has sorted her life out.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): I really hate the friend zone. It basically yanks on your heart strings and gets you no where.
I have some experience dating girls with sordid family history and pasts. I'm a "fix it" personality. I tend to lean toward people with problems and feel like I can help them through them. The problem is that you can't. You can be supportive of them with the changes they initiate, but if they don't want to change, you can't change them.
My experience is that if it goes bad once, it will again. It sucks but that has been my experience.
Flirting can be fun but can also make you confused when you feel one way and they feel another. Sometimes it is harmless fun, other times not so much.
Good luck! My best advice is let her go. Date some other girls, maybe that will spark some jealousy in her she didn't know she had and help clarify her feelings for you. That can be a slippery slope though...
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