A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've recently found out my boyfriend of 6 years has lied to me. I found out by reading msg's on his phone should I confront him? please help feel as though I'm losing trust in him. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Yes, confront him, if you are prepared for how angry he will be that you have been reading his messages. It's best out in the open.
A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Hi, Well, I am wondering, do you think this is the first lie he has told you, or is it the first lie your found out about. It has been my experience that either people are honest or they are not. Some poeople are complusive liars, it is just a part of their DNA. For some reason, they feel they have to lie. Whatever the messages were about, it would appear, that to have any kind of settlement of the amtter, you should have a talk with him. Do you expect him to deny what you have seen, and what are you going to do when he says, yes he was talking to this person, and it may be more than talk. In addition, you now have this issue of can you trust him, this is difficult, because you will be looking at every little thing and believe me if you look hard enough, you will probably find something. So my suggestion is, that you evaluate, are you in love with this man, and what is that love based on now. He is not what you thought he was. The sand has shifted, there is a new perspective. Now you either have to deny to yourself that he lies or talk to him and get to the bottom of the situation, and he has already lied, so what would be the answer, I lied, please forgive me, and he never lies again, this is the problem. Sometimes love is not enough, if you stay with him, your trust in him would have to be rebuilt.
Can you handle that? This is your decision, be true to yourself and make the wisest choice. Good luck. By the way, may I make a suggestion, go to www.socyberty.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137 and read the article "Letting Go: Stop Chasing Ghosts"
This may give you an idea, which may help you with your decision. Take good care.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Without knowing much "context" - I am going to say yes, confront him. You are obviously very concerned about whatever you found on his phone..and if your trust is eroding...what are you to do? Leaving it will only make it fester and get worse for you - you have to broach the topic and see what he has to say for himself. You will need to be prepared for what you might hear though by the sounds of it...but at the end of the day, you won;t be able to move on from whatever this is until you air it/sort through it/have it out...whatever is needed!!
I hope it turns out to be nothing....but if not - be strong!
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A
female
reader, roftl1234 +, writes (12 June 2008):
well it depends on what he did to you you know??
confront him
but make sure its not too like WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME??
more like hey um i found this on ur phone and was wondering what its all about
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