A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Had a 5.5K road trip with my father to Alaska over a month ago. During a Scenic stop we got out to enjoy yet another BEAUTIFUL site in and along Alaska's Great Hiways. During one particular stop we met a woman that took some pics of us, and I returned the favor. She was such a breath of fresh air! My tongue was tied and NOTHING came out. I can't get her off my mind. I know where she was heading, as well as what she was driving. She also made several comments that would allow me to know it is her if fate lets us meet again. Here is where this site comes in... I'm not a wordsmith, but I do know how I feel and can get it (somewhat) on paper. My problem is Editing and format. Yes, I know these should be "My Words", but what’s wrong with a tiny help? I have written a letter and would like to put it out here. Have the members critique, spell check, edit. I’m open to suggestions! I want to make a better first impression, and not come off as a stalker. I just want to post the letter in the Valdez, AK. Gazette. It is where she was going, and that’s all I have. Fate and my letter will have to do the rest. Also, I don’t want to just blog out my name. If she or a friend finds the article “and she will know if she is the one” then she will need to do some work to find me as well.Anyways, if interested I’ll post “ROUGH DRAFT” here. If it does not get attention, email rsblack4@ymail.com ***********ROUGH DRAFT************The date was September 23rd and my father and I were on our way back from a whirlwind trip from our home in Wishram, Wa. to his old homestead of 50yrs in Nanilchik. It was rather short live when we got there. He could not believe the change. The town was literally shutting down due to the town seeming to be primarily a haven for some great Charter fishing. There was not much left, and he did not feel like staying so it was off to Wasilla to visit some family we have never met, as well as get the communities’ perspective of Sarah Palin.We had stopped at many places to take different pictures of all the beautiful sites that Alaska was so willing to display. But there was one very in particular turn off I can’t get my mind off. It has been nearly a month now and it is all that occupies my being. We were traveling along insert and we came to a road construction site that was displaying signs that we could have up to an hour wait. As we approached, we could see that we were going to be caught up in it. People were stopped and out of their cars just soaking up the grand views and the clean crisp air. So, I took advantage of this wait and decided to make up some lunch out of some supplies we had in our cooler. I had a menagerie of stuff out, just enough as to when they decided to re-open the roads I was not but half finished. Dad started the van and it was down the road we went, hitting every bump, just enough to have my make shift kitchen bounce to the point of me just taking a defense mode of just holding on. It was only about a mile down the road did he spot a turnout off the road where I could take a few pictures as well as clean-up the cooler mess. It was a little thing, just stopping long enough to snap a picture or two clean up and then back on the road. This is where I was shocked by what lye in store for me just moments away. As I looked over my shoulder I saw a women get out of here car, and for the first time I was speechless. As she was jumping out of her root beer brown (mid 80’s) Subaru wagon, my mind was starting to flood with all that I was going to say, but my mouth was working much slower than my brain. “RICK, GET THAT BEAUTY TO TAKE OUR PICTURE” he yelled at me. She seemed to be reading my mind as I was walking towards her with my camera. I managed a “HI” and asked her if she would like me to take a picture of her as well with the mountains in the background. She replied yes, and I fumbled around like a little kid trying not to drop the cameras. As I looked through the camera I was stricken by beauty of which I’ve never seen before, and I have travel around this great country of ours many times. It is hard for me to put into words how in awe I was. There in front of me was a creation from God that missed nothing. She was beautiful in every way and the mountains and blue sky were masked by her eyes. I did not want to put the camera down! I felt the moment was slipping away to fast. I managed the typical “where ya heading to?” She replied “VALDEZ, if my car won’t break down. Why didn’t I ask to ride with her to TOK junction? God knows I could have used the break from my dad (now nearly 4,000 miles in 5 days). I could not say anything, I only turned in time to see her heading back to her car. And the view was spectacular! Her hair was just lightly blowing in the wind, and you could see her smile as well as feel a total feeling of her being 100% genuine, not just beautiful.I know Valdez is a beautiful city and I’ve never stepped foot, and it only got better when she pulled in. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): Hello,
I think this is a sweet idea, but my honest impression of your letter is that it is FAR too long and quite pretentious. Don't get me wrong, I love language and am an avid reader, but your letter has the air of someone TRYING to sound literary and deep. Your turn of phrase was a little cringey. If it was me, I would NOT respond.
Why not get straight to the point, forget all the back story about your trip with your dad (more for your first date?), and keep it about her, not you. Use your own words and drop the over-the-top superlatives. And try to get it down to a few sentences. If you're worried about her not noticing, why not give it a heading 'Did you take my photo at xxx on your way to Valdez? And give it a border on the page or something. Your letter would cost a small fortune to print!
Sorry to sound critical, but you asked for honest advice and there is mine.
Good luck.
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