A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well, you can see my age range, and I still haven't fallen in love and gotten married and sometimes I feel sad, wishing I had someone to share my life with.I have my heart set on finding someone (don't know who) that I truly love, who loves me just as much as I love him. There have been guys who have been interested in me, but they don't make my heart jump. I've been told that sometimes you have to settle for someone, but I don't want to marry someone that I don't love with all my heart. I've been waiting all my life, and I'm starting to lose heart. I'm starting to wonder if I'm being realistic or not.Nearly everyone I went to junior high and high school with is married, with children of their own. I wonder if they married someone they really loved and I often wonder if the reason they're married, and I'm not, is because they just settled for someone. I don't understand how people can do that. People tell me that I'm still single because I'm too picky, I'm snotty, I have unreasonable standards, etc., but I've stood my ground because I don't want to marry someone I don't LOVE. I feel like you SHOULD be picky when you're going to go before God and everyone and make a promise to share your body, and life with someone, forever. I've been in love before, and every single time, it has been a fiasco. Every time I notice someone, sooner or later, my heart gets broken in pieces and I just have to get over that person and move on. I've had to get over one person after another and I'm so frustrated.When I was in college I fell for one of my friends, but he was gay.I fell for my best friend and it looked like things were finally going to work out, but now he's practically engaged to another girl. I did everything possible to win his heart, and finally risked it all, and told him I loved him, but it looks like he's going to marry her.I can't imagine loving anyone else as much as I love him, but I would like to have SOMEONE to share my life with. I fell for another teacher at my school, and once again, I got my hopes up. He's only 50, which isn't a deal breaker per se... and he and I got on really well (I thought), and I noticed he had no wedding ring, no photographs of his kids, and I wondered if he was gay, but then I found out that he's married. That figures, I thought, the story of my life. I would never dream of acting on my feelings for him, and I realize that I have to settle for his friendship, but I feel ashamed because I think he's "on" to me. I always got on famously with him but lately he acts uncomfortable when he talks to me, from his body language. When I try to look him in the eyes when I talk to him, he always looks away.I would never get involved with someone who is married (I hate bitches who do that, because that is the reason I have no father btw), but I can't help it that I love him. At school, I have to see his face and it tortures me, I think that things would have worked out between us if we had only met at the right time, under the right circumstances. I went to a party last night for the Hispanic ministry of church and a friend was searching for someone for me. She asked around if any of the women there had eligible brothers, but it turns out that although several of them have brothers, they (the brothers) are all married already.My mom keeps pressuring me to get together with a platonic (at least, I WANT him to be platonic) friend of mine. I went to college with him, but he bores me to death. I like having him as a friend but as a boyfriend he would crush my soul. I know in my heart that he's not for me, but I have a feeling that my mom is "pulling" for him. I don't love him, and I never will, but no one believes me and everyone insists that I'll fall in love with him someday. So, there you have it. Every time I fall for someone, he's either one of my gay friends, or he's married, or he has a girlfriend who means the sun and moon to him, or he won't give me the time of day, or he is just so horrendous that I would rather be single with cats than commit to him. I don't want to be some crazy old lady with cats and no husband.I love my cat dearly but one day my cat will die and I'll be heartbroken all over again. I want another human being (even though cats are probably more loyal than most men). I don't expect every single man that I love to love me back... it just frustrates me that out of the 4 billion men or so, walking the earth, that it seems like just one of them would have loved me back, by now.If you can help me, then thank you!!
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best friend, crush, engaged, has a girlfriend, heartbroken, move on, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (19 October 2008):
 I got married for the first time when I was 42. Ya, other guys wanted to marry me before then, but I didn't want to commit. In my mind, I always had the question " Can I spend the rest of my life with HIM?" The answer was always NO.
I was never in a rush to get married. And I am not the type who "follows the crowd" (That is how I was raised.) My mother's famous words ringing in my head... "If other people jumped off a bridge, would you follow?"
There is nothing wrong with having a mind of your own. And I don't feel that there is anything wrong with having your own standards and sticking to them.
Take your time. You will find someone. Don't get married just for the sake of it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): Stop worrying about it and the answer will come, or should I say, that person. I was like you until I decided I wasn't going to think about it. Maybe because I was worried about finding a man, I probably sent out vibes that drove them away.I decided to concentrate on being a young woman, not yet 30 who was not going to let herself be defined by a man or marriage. I figured out that I owed it to myself to make my own happiness, independent of another person.Some time later I met the guy I'm in love with and plan on being with for a very long time. It was a complete surprise and he's all I've ever wanted. The best thing is, I didn't go looking for him. He just showed up when he was supposed to. We are both our own people and we could survive without each other. We just don't want to.So don't worry. It'll happen for you ;)
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