A
female
age
30-35,
*bdd
writes:I promise to make this as short as possible. Me and my (ex) boyfriend were together not that long but 6 months. We were not together 3 months out of the 6 and basically lived together a month and a half out of the other 3. THe months we were apart there were no problems in fact it grew our feelings for each other stronger. Then little problems popped up negative thoughts ran constantly through my head. He had never given me a reason to think he was cheating, think he was lying to think he was out to hurt me. My mind played tricks on me and i started accusing stuff on him. started calling him names cussing at him when he never did to me. I went through his stuff one time just to see if he had anything to hide. I dont know what was taking over me. But it went on so long we broke up twice he came back because of love. this time is different he told me i was lowering his self esteem he told my best friend i make him feel like a pice of crap when he has never done anything wrong. He was everything I wanted everything I needed I just had to ruin it. Now these ways werent just in this relationship they have been carried through many I have just realized it enough in this realtionship cause I want it to stop. I have done my research I know insecurity and trust is a hard thing to adapt in your life after being raised in a household where you were let down and emotionally abused. I want it to change and I know what to do. I just feel like I lost him I know after I find myself maybe some things can be worked out, i just dont know if he's through. I need help. I dont want to give up on us, I just don't know what to do. I truly am greatful he decided to end it cause it was killing us both, neither of us were happy all the time and we were miserable. I know it could be time. But i need advice. Im being as strong as I can be right now, I want this for my self and me and him. I cant say for sure if he is the one, I just know it deep down I have never had this feeling before... Please just help me out.
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best friend, broke up, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kbdd +, writes (27 October 2010):
kbdd is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks so much..that really helped.
A
male
reader, manolis  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 If the feelings are very strong that your partner is cheating but you have no proof, then there are trust issues in the relationship and whether your partner is or isn't, until trust can be found, jealousy will exist.
But hey, he never gave you any reasons, did he?
Don't make him feel bad by constantly harassing him. Obviously he found something in you that appeals to him and unless you push him away, he will probably continue to love you for you.
Don't feel negatively about yourself and certainly do not talk negatively about yourself. Also, your past, even if that was really bad, is past.
Self confidence is very attractive and if you remind yourself to think positive when negative feelings come up, you will eventually develop a habit of doing so.
There is also a very bad thing, called control. Don't try to control the relationship. You can't control the other person and by attempting to do so, you are setting yourself up for failure. Even if they seem to comply to your demands, everyone has a mind of their own. If you feel like you can't trust them unless you know what they are doing, who they are with, where they are, every second, then either they are untrustworthy and will cheat anyway, or you will push them away. This is a no win situation. If your partner does things that hurt you, for example, talks to their ex. Then let them know, hey, when you do that, it hurts me and I would prefer it if you didn't talk to that person alone. This will be more likely to get the desired response then demanding they don't see them anymore.
Be a trustworthy friend to your partner. Be more than the person they love, be their friend also. If your partner knows they can trust you implicitly and more than love you, they also like just hanging out with you, then the relationship will be stronger and reasons for feeling jealous will disappear.
Good Luck!
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