A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I've been with my man for almost a year now and lately we've been speaking about our future in terms of where we may live one day. He used to talk openly about it but lately he seems short with me when I bring it up and I'll explain why further on.I live in a small coastal town and I have worked so hard to get a job like the one I have. I have a nice little apartment and I love where I live. I have always lived in a coastal town because I enjoy water activities like swimming, surfing, walking, diving. Etc. The ocean has always been a big part of my life.My boyfriend lives and grew up in the city and has to be there for work. He wants to move to a coastal town one day too but can't for the next few years because of his work as well as his finances. For the first 6 months of our relationship, he kept saying (without me asking) he would love to come to the coast to live one day. But tonight we got into a deeper discussion / argument about it. He seemed short and asked me to quit asking him about it because he doesn't know where he'll be living. He told me he wants to live on the coast but can't afford it and doesn't want to drive 2 hours each way to work.The reason why I have been persistent is because I was in a 3 year relationship prior to this one and I tried living in the city because that's where my ex was from. For 2 years, my ex told me he was going to move to the coast one day and when it came to the crunch he told me he couldn't. I ended up moving in with him for a year, hoping he would eventually come back with me but he wasn't able to. I became agitated and depressed living in a city because I wasn't near the ocean.I don't think I could ever move for someone again, especially to the city. I am a water person and need to be near the water. I know that my current partner has been a little agitated when I ask this question but I need to know his true answer. I think I have every right to know his thoughts on this.I keep persisting with my current boyfriend because I want to know what he really wants. I deeply care about my boyfriend and I know he feels the same way about me. At the moment we are spending every free moment we have together.... commuting back and forth to each other's places but I know this can't go on forever.You're probably asking why I went for someone in the city again....it's because my current boyfriend told me when we first met that he would move to the coast one day and will do this when he has enough money. And he will one day, but it might not be for another 5 -10 years.I'm not even considering breaking up with him but what other options are there so that we can continue our relationship? I don't want to be one day living in a city feeling depressed again....and I don't want him buying a place and living on the poverty line or having to commute back and forth to work each day.... I also don't want to have to give up my perfect job and sell my unit to move to a city again....any suggestions or advice please?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 October 2015):
 Which coast are you on? I'm assuming California or possibly the Gulf Coast, based on the "swimming, surfing, swimming, walking, diving" activities. There is surfing on the East Coast but not as much diving. Most of the citie
You also wrote "I became agitated and depressed living in a city because I wasn't near the ocean" which does sound very much as though you can't handle change very well, and based on this, I'd suggest that instead of expecting your guy to move, that you end the LDR and start searching locally for a man to date.
You don't mention what his career is, but I'm assuming it's as important to him as being near the ocean is to you. Many people become agitated and depressed if they can't earn a living.
If you want his true thoughts on this, then ask him. Prepare yourself for not liking his answer.
It would help a lot to know what area we are speaking of, most of the big cities within 2 hours of surfing, swimming and diving are near Los Angeles or San Diego or Santa Barbara. I believe the Gulf Coast is lovely but isn't renowned for surfing. If we are talking about Florida, all the cities are within an hour's drive of the coast.
Help us help you by giving us an area to work with.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 October 2015):
 "The compromise" is to find a CITY (which accommodates his career).... which is near enough to the WATER (coast) - such that your needs are met.... and live somewhere near or between these two places.
You don't say where you are. Here in the US.... there are oodles of cities that meet the criteria that I've suggested..... Boston, New York, Wilmington, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco......
AND, remind him that, what he considers an unacceptable commute (2 hours) is reasonably common in our modern, spread-out world.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (19 October 2015):
 This is one of the biggest obstacles couples in a Long Distance Relationship often face.
Your goal is always to eventually move together, but who should be the one to move?
It appears in your case, neither of you want to move and thinking about this problem is beginning to frustrate your boyfriend hence he wants to dismiss it. So, I really don't see any point in pressuring him now. Leave it alone for a little bit (a few months). Is there an option to meet mid-way? Find a place in between the city and the coast. You travel an hour to work at the coast and he travels an hour to work in the city.
Always bear in mind that with a Long Distance Relationship there will be even more compromise and adjustments to make inorder for it to work out.
Best of luck!
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