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age
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writes: Okaii,so most of you already know from my last question that I am in love with my teacher,but believe me I wish I wasn't,not because of him but because we can't be together 'obviously',even though I really wish we could,so my last question was "how can I tell him?",but now,because of the advice that I have been given,I am rethinking telling him,even though I feel that it will help me tremendously to get over him.so my question now is,how can I stop loving him,what is the best way to get over him.I have already tried focasing on other boys,studies etc but it doesn't help.please can I have sone useful advice and not patronising,unhelpful advice as that's really not what I need and it really isn't going to help.
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female
reader, SexyBabes  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Hey hunni, look i no it's hard to get over someone you love but you need to do this for his sake and yours. Try and look for someone else. Trust someone will turn up, try keep yourself busy and stay away from him.
it will take time!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): http://www.talktalk.co.uk/lifestyle/agonyaunt/ask-anne/teachers-love-for-schoolgirl/291. Here's a site showin a teacher askin for advice as theyr. In love with ther student,so its not just students tht wnt ther teacher it can b the techas too
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Some people want help and are able to take criticism... some people are sensitive and it's best to leave them to solve their problems alone.
You've been given good advice, sorry if you feel bullied by anyone... anyway, doubt there is anything more to say that will help you. Your life, your choice, we are only people on the internet, and we don't know you at all.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Jaii, I apologise if you think I have been harsh, but we can only go on what you write. You said you wanted to be a teacher, so I was just trying to give you some pointers. Sadly there are many people who write like that all the time, and see no problem with it - that is what our schools are often turning out now because often the teachers know no better themselves. If you have a dream, you should follow it, but I would hate you to fail because you could not grasp the basic concept of language and general manners in writing. We NEED more teachers to stop children learning that type of writing, and to teach them properly. I would not be doing my job if I was to advocate that type of behaviour.
Like I said before, you have potential so spend the next couple of months really working towards those exams. If you cock them up, you will not have the chance to go to college and be a teacher - they all ride on those grades, Every job application you fill in, will have those grades on them, every course you try to get on, every job, every time you want to boost your career, those grades will be in black and white, so don't throw away an opportunity because of a MAN! You are worth more than that! You need at least C grades in all your subjects, but to be a really good teacher, why not aim for higher? This is all down to you, and no one can do it for you. Don't let someone else ruin your chances because you are too busy moping and thinking about some guy, rather than your own bright future.
He is just not worth it. You are.
Tiger
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirstly I would just like to say in response to celtic tiger that I feel you are trying to get personal against me and I don't know if this is because I'm a sensitive person but I find them quite offensive,of course I don't write in slang all the time and I speak properly,I often correct others on speech too.I feel that instead of trying to offer me advise on a subject that I have asked you have chosen to slate me on my abbreviated text.please can we just leave it as its not helpful,I'm a fine reader and writer and I feel that now as well as this site giving me helpful advice I have been slightly bullied,not by you personally but by many people regarding my spelling and grammar.I would also like to thank Tisha-1 as she has given me helpful advise,and I'm definately going to try itx
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 To join in the plea for writing well, I know that teens write in the way you describe, Jaii, they do it here in the US as well. I have some teen friends on FB (daughters of friends) so I see the exchanges they have. I have to admit, it can be funny to read.
However, txtspk has a real downside. I look at these exchanges and think to myself how young and immature these girls are. Keep in mind, on a site like DearCupid, the only information people have about you is from your writing and perhaps the avatar you select. So if you present txtspk lyk dis an expect ppl 2 tayk u seriusly, u kin 4get abt it. In other words, your message won't be read, because people will make the assumption that you are an immature teenager with a lack of education. Why bother responding to someone who doesn't take the time to write properly? Why spend the time on advising someone who is obviously lazy? That's the kind of impression you make when you use that type of abbreviated communication.
Many of our readers and writers here are not native English speakers. What kind of message do we send them if they can't read the advice they are given? It excludes them from participating if the slang and txtspk take over the site.
Getting to your question about how to get over your teacher, I think you need to recognize that in life, timing is everything. Perhaps if you were born earlier, if you'd encountered this man when you both were the same age, you might have a potential of a future together. The problem is that timing goes against us. We are too late, he is married already, he is taken, he is too old or too young. There is nothing one can do about this, except try to accept it. Life is unfair. The sooner you can take in this truth, the easier life will be for you. There is absolutely nothing fair about life. People get sick, people die, people have things happen to them that they don't deserve. The thing you do is keep going on anyway, and find the joy and beauty in everything that is around you. There is so much to rejoice in and celebrate. Find those things, and focus on those.
Right now, I'd suggest that you have a little ritual cleansing of him from your psyche. Write your letter to him, go ahead and get down all the words you would have wanted him to know. Write by hand, with a pretty pen on nice paper, don't type this on the computer. Draw all the hearts and flowers and embellish it with pictures. Spray it with your perfume. Then take the letter and fold it up and put it in an envelope. Bury it in a tin in the garden (obviously, in the letter you don't sign your name or use his or give any identifying clues). You are creating a little time capsule for yourself; mark the date on the calendar for a year from now, that's when you will dig it up and read it again.
A lot is going to change for you soon and change can be scary. We sometimes focus on things that aren't healthy for us because we don't know how to cope with all this change. We get obsessed with things that aren't going to happen, we get all riled up about these lost causes. It's just a coping mechanism that isn't really helping us out much.
I want you to think about the things that completely absorb you, what are the activities that make you lose all track of time and when you are through, you feel relaxed and refreshed? For some people, it's whitewater rafting, for others, it's running, there's painting, sculpting, singing, dancing, whatever it is that works for you. I want you to do more of that. I want you to spend time connecting to your friends, and your family. Maybe start an oral history of your family, interview your parents and your grandparents and aunts and uncles. Get started on an interesting project that makes you talk to a lot of people, talk and LISTEN to them. Record their words, find music that matches the mood, create a family album on CD that has pictures as well as stories!
Those are some ideas for you to think about; get creative, put your heart to work! Try not to mope or dwell too much on it, but if you'd like, you could devote one entire day to grieving the loss. Cry all day if you'd like, mope around the house, feel sad, feel down, have a pillow punching session to get out your anger and sorrow. Then, the next day, wake up, bright and early, have something fun planned with friends, and get out and be with them in the fresh air and the promise of spring.
You only get to enjoy these carefree days of youth for a short time; don't waste them on negative or impossible thoughts, okay? Trust me on this one.
I hope this helps you a little bit and please know that we want only the best for you. Take care.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Thank you Tiger, thank you! "Text Speak" is as irritating as fingernails on a blackboard.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 April 2010):
"The only reason that I have for why *MY* writing is sometimes in slang"
There is NO reason for it. You dont need to do it, no one is forcing you. It is down to you and you alone. Its like swearing, why do it? The English Language is full of wonderful words to get the point across so why do people feel the need to litter their phrases with F* words? Shows a lack of education. If you only write properly in a "formal" situation, how do you talk in real life? What a waste of all the time your teachers have spent with you, if you cant be bothered to use what you have learnt, and are taking the easy way out. Why did they bother trying to teach you, if you are not going to use those skills all the time? Can you not see how rude it actually is? When you become a teacher and you see this from the other side, you will realise.
I am going to say one more thing. Do you want to be a lemming? Do you always follow a crowd? If your friends jumped off a cliff because it was the new cool thing to do, would you do it too? Trends, fads and fashions come and go. Good writing and manners are ALWAYS important.
Just because "everyone else" does something, does not make it right. Don't be a sheep that follows the crowd. Stand up for who YOU are as an individual. Don't be typecast as a stupid illiterate teenager. Be someone. Be individual, because that will get you noticed far more in life.
I tell you now, if you fall into that style of writing when you are angry, it will easily happen when you don't want it to. Be warned. No exam marker will let you off with that. I actually had to fail a first year Undergrad last year because he insisted on using that type of language in his work and when he wrote exam papers. He now has to re-take the year. Get out of the habit now if you want to be taken seriously as an adult. Teenagers get away with it, because they do what they want regardless of what anyone else says. They will do it just to annoy the "grown ups", and because they think its cool. It isnt cool, it just makes you look stupid, which you are not, so why fall into that rut intentionally? 18 year olds applying for jobs do not get away with it. If you submitted a CV, without proofing and you accidentally wrote like that, it would go straight in the bin. Shows a total lack of respect for yourself and whoever is reading it.
Have more respect for yourself. You have a bright future, so don't ruin it by acting like a stupid 16 year old, when you so obviously have potential to do something good. Don't make it more difficult for yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks I do appreciate you input.The only reason that I have for why me writing is sometimes in slang,is because sometimes,for example the quote you showed me was written when I was angry therefore rushing to get my point accross.Also sixteen year olds tend to write in broken english/slang when they are not required to do it properly(its a teenage thing,or at least for england,all my friends write like this unless it has to be formal).
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 April 2010):
If you are an A Grade student WHY on earth are you producing writing like this then??
"I have no idea wt u sed to me,but the wastn tym bit,I'm nt thts y I have posted. Anova question askin for advice about how to get over him as I can't tell or b wiff him"
If you were a teacher, how would you mark that? How many mistakes can you see in that paragraph of your own words?
Anova? (Arghh) Wiff? I mean come on girl! That is just lazy writing, and if you want to be a teacher you cannot be lazy EVER, because your pupils follow your example. And why is that an acceptable way to write at all?
I also think you are missing the point that Miamine and I are trying to get across to you. I know you think and feel that you love this teacher, and I know it feels very very real to you. But in two years time, you will look back and realise that this is just a crush, and something that ALL teenage girls go through at some point. This is just a crush, and the feelings will pass, and you will find someone else to give your affections to. I promise that once you get to college, there will be lots of other guys about, who you will be attracted to, and the memory of this teacher will fade into the past. Take it from people who have been there, and I am sure Miamine will agree with me, we have ALL been there. But teenage crushes pass and fade with time, and by the time you are 18, you probably will not even be able to remember this teachers name, let alone understand WHY you thought you were in love with him. You will change as a person so much in the next few years, your desires and likes will change as you grow into an adult. What you think is true love now, will not be the same as what you think is true love at 21. This is how life works, and why the majority of teenage relationships do not last. People change. You WILL change.
I wish you luck with your studies, and I do hope that this job you set your heart on will still be available in 5 years time.
Tiger
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would just like to add that when I finished my work experience my employer had to fill out a form about how well I did. My employer said I was excellent and once I had finished university she would love to employ me,looks like I have got it in the bag ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear; Mia mine and celtic tigerI apologise if I have given you the wrong impression from my spelling,grammar,punctuality etc.Iam a very 'can be bothered' girl,in fact I haven't met anyone of the same age as me with the equal amount of drive and ambition,I'm sure that this will amaze you, but I am predicted an A in english and english literature, I have also been accepted for every college that I have applied for.Done work experience in a school,so I know what is required of me as I have spoke to infant,primary and secondary teachers as well as career advisors etc.I have known what I wanted to do since I was ten.I also have a job,so it seems Miamine that you were wrong,a company has taken the risk to employ me.I just thought that I should inform you,even though there is no need for me to justify myself.P.S you can't help who you fall for,I know its inappropriate and would never act on my emotions,(certainly not after the advice I have been given)this love is not selfish.I also understand that he would aslo never act on his emotions,(if he had any towards me or any student).I know that if I was twenty six and a sixteen year old student loved me I would probably have them put in another class away from me,as for one its illegal,another would be that I really don't believe that the guy should be younger than the girl,well not ten years anyway. x
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (9 April 2010):
Jaii Dixie, thanks for coming back after we were so harsh to you... I know it feels really bad at the moment, but we are only talking about a couple of months, and then your new life begins and you'll be away from him.
We get thousands of these stories, and yes, we know it hurts, but we also know, that very few teenage students continue to love their teachers once their life moves on and becomes more exciting.
Concentrate on passing your exams, and planning for what happens in September. Don't feel scared about things changing, your going to love moving on and meeting new people and having new things to do...
Good luck kid, keep your head straight and look to the future, leave the past behind and move on.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 April 2010):
Hi Jaii Dixie
I have read both your questions, and as a teacher myself, I have a few words of advice for you.
This is not meant to sound harsh, but if you truly want to go into teaching then you need to realise what it is all about.
Firstly, if you want to be a teacher, you need to sort out your spelling and grammar NOW. No more of this txt speak, (okaii, and most of your replies in your last question) - this is not appropriate for anyone over the age of 16. In real life you use proper language, and if you use this in work at school, or especially at Uni, you will be severely marked down for it. It shows a lack of maturity in writing, and a "can’t be bothered" mentality. This makes my blood boil as a teacher, because of the time it takes to teach kids to write properly. I might as well not bother. Get your writing skills up to par now, or else teaching will be a total no-no. ok, Teacher rant over.
Secondly, all teachers are briefed about the pitfalls of working with hormonal and pubescent children. When we choose to be a teacher, we sign up to something called duty of care, and we are essentially in "loco parentis" which means we are acting as a parent while the child is in our care.
It is ILLEGAL for a teacher to have any kind of romantic relationship with a pupil under the age of 18. This is called breach of trust, and can result in sacking, disciplinary action or possibly even jail and being put on the sex offenders register. It is something that every teacher is warned about, because the teacher is ALWAYS guilty until proven innocent. If a pupil makes an allegation, or even jokes about having a relationship with a teacher (i.e. wishful thinking) the teacher could easily be suspended even if it was made-up. It would go on a permanent record, and be made known at every job interview they ever went for. Any romantic love letters, or personal notes that are worrying or in this vein, would automatically have to be shown to the Head, or line manager. This protects the teacher from false allegations, because students can be vindictive, if they don’t get their own way. Any type of romantic behaviour from a student ALWAYS has to be reported. Teachers will also often leave office doors open when with pupils on a one to one in order to avoid any issues and so that another teacher is always in earshot of a conversation. You probably don’t realise, but your teacher has probably realised you like him, and has already discussed this with his superior as to how to deal with the situation. The boss is always made aware of a situation, so nothing would have been left to chance in case you accused him of something.
Parents of students also are very untrusting, if word gets out. They assume there is no smoke without fire, and if a teacher has had an inappropriate relationship with one pupil, there probably will be more. A career can be ruined, by love-sick teenage girls. This is a fact, and it is not supposed to be derogatory to all teenage girls, but having been one, I KNOW that we are totally immature, emotionally silly, and we really do not understand what the world of sex and love is all about. I know this thru hindsight, which is a marvellous thing, and in 10 years time, you too will realise how little you actually knew when you were 16, and how immature you actually are now.
I am 26, and there is no way I would EVER consider having a relationship with anyone under the age of 21. They are just kids at that age, and so young it hurts. It would be totally unbalanced and wrong on my part. I hate to say it but no sane man of 26 would ever look at a 16 year old girl for a serious relationship. I work with older students at a University, and even there, we have rules about teacher-student relationships. They are not permitted. It doesn’t matter about age, they are just not allowed due to the abuse of a position of power that teachers have over pupils. You have the issue of sex for grades and all sorts of other terrible situations.
My advice is focus on your work now. You have important exams coming up, and you really need to work on getting good grades. No point being a teacher if you only scrape a pass is there? Concentrate on you now, when you get to Uni you will be spoilt for choice with guys! Trust me!
Tiger
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys,for making me realise that telling him most possibly is'nt the best thing to do and that I would not want to make him or me feel uncomfortable or ruin our teacher student relationship as it really is a great one.I already know wat I wana do career wise,teaching,ironic I know lol.infact I'm starting my course in september which is two years long then hopefully I'm off to Rhoehampton or portsmoth uni lol.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 April 2010):
Take a look at your life and really work out what you want to do with it. Whenever I fancied someone and couldn't get her, I would always look at my life again and throw myself into it, again and again. Find a new hobby, or look at a possible career. Anything that you can use to get over him. And get out there with friends and have fun as well. that helps too.
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