A
female
age
30-35,
*amilylove
writes:This is long, but I really need the help. Thanks. Um, well I'm 16 years old, and I'm a junior this year. I come from a very very very Christian family, who does not under any circumstances accept sex before you get married. I believe in God, and I believe that is the way it should be as well. But as strongly as I believe in my morals and my religion, I am very bad at saying no sometimes.I never expected myself to have sex before I'm married. Its not like I hadnt had the chance, because I had. I prided myself that I was the only virgin left in my little group of friends.I had preformed oral sex on this one guy (we'll call him R), but once he tried to force me to go all the way, I kicked him out of my house.That experience shook me up a bit, I couldn't stop thinking about how I dodged that bullet. I literally thought about it all the time. I even failed FCAT (Florida Comprehension Achevievement Test, mandatory test for all public schooled Florida students) the next day.Well after that I didn't mess around with anyone for a while. I got into smoking pot. I hated myself for that. I worked through the summer as a lifeguard at a local pool and I found myself not having time for parties and smoking and all that, because I worked almost 10 hours a day everyday of the week.This school year was going nicely, and one Sunday night I noticed someone on my AIM buddy list I didnt recognize. I IMed them, asking if I knew them. After chatting with him (we'll call him T), I found out that yeah I did know him. He went to my churchs lock-in about 4 or 5 years ago. We had talked since then but only breifly through a myspace message. Anyways, T didnt realize who I was yet, he wanted to meet me cause he saw my myspace pictures and thought I was cute. So one weeknight that week thursday to be exact, I needed to go to Wal-Mart to buy some school supplies. I told him I was headed his way and I could pick him up on my way. So I picked him up at a McDonalds on the way and he dropped his motorcycle off. He realized who I was and we had a great time. He wanted to hang out again, so he went with me to my high school football game the next night (friday). Again, we had a great time. We went to Dennys and saw Deathrace the next night. And when we got in the truck to leave, he asked what this was. And I asked what what was. And he said tonight, was it a date? And I said I didnt know, he should tell me. And he said well, if it were a date, I would do this, and he leaned over and kissed me. It really was a cute moment.Well he and I hung out the Monday night after that. And then he came over that Thursday when I wasn't feeling good and I stayed home from school. He came over, and we were lying in my bed and doing some pretty heavy foreplay. He wasn't wearing anything but his boxers, and he asked if we could have sex. I said no, I can't. He said ok. A few minutes later he asked again. I said no once again, only this time he didnt say ok, he said just once, youll like it. I promise. And I said no. He said ok. We kept doing things and I felt him. I got really tense, andy asked what he was doing. He started apologizing and I said you dont even have a condom on. He got up and put one on. He got back on the bed and it happened.Thursday, September 11, 2008 I lost my virginity to a boy I wasn't dating, and who I didnt love.I liked it. I'm not going to lie and say I didnt. But I was scared after. He was notorious for hit-n-quits, a one night stand type thing. He had done it to my friend a few years ago.I texted him, asking if I was a hit-n-quit. He said no, but I was still scared. I told him I want him to promise me. And he told me that he wouldn't be talking to me if that were his intentions. He wouldnt have texted me back, he would have deleted my number.that was the most reassuring text of my life.I felt like shit that night. It hit me, what I had done. I had gone against my religion, my morals, and my beliefs. I didnt want to tell anyone. I felt like a slut.Now, its October 8th. Almost one month later. I got my period this afternoon. Thank God.My parents dont know, and a lot had happened since then. He now lives in Montana. He moved there 3 days ago. Its where his dad lives. He is going to get his life together. Here, he had no home. Yes, I know he was a hobo. And I somehow got my parents to let an 18 yr old stranger stay here for about a week. He had no job. No motorcycle (he crashed it). No nothing. He and R (they are friends) are now 3000 miles away. T and I aren't together. We never officially were. Byt we arent seeing anyone else. He comes back in 3 months, and he says we will be together then.He isn't the best person, and I dont know if I trust him all that much. He takes anxiety bars, to get a trip that way since he doesnt smoke weed anymore. I hate him when he is on bars, and he knows it. But when he is around R he does whatever R does.I am close with on of his best friends. (we'll call him A). A told me that T had sex and it wasn't with me. A is angry with me for losing my virginity to T. He tells me I couldn't be any stupider. And now I see where he is coming from. It scares me to know I have to end it with T. I know I have to, but he has that part of me. He always will. I dont regret it, yet. My friends hate him, my family now hates him, and A wants to fight him for doing that with me.I dont love him, and I dont want to stay with him. But I also selfishly dont want him being with anyone else.A told me yesterday he has feelings for me. Those feelings for A have always been returned. He has his head on straight. He goes to school. He has a job. He has a home, and a family there that loves him.So now what? I'm scared of my family finding out. I dont want to let go of T. And I am now faced with emotions for A.I need some direction. Something. Please.
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best friend, christian, condom, foreplay, lost my virginity, myspace, one night stand, oral sex, period, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Samilylove +, writes (13 October 2008):
Samilylove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell here is an update... Things with A are going alright. We arent going out yet, and we haven't done physically sexually yet. My mom cannot stand T. So she blocked his number from my cell phone. I literally cant get ahold of him to work any of this out.
Now it turns out that I might have to fight this girl. Thats only if she starts it. She keeps running her mouth on me. All because apparently this girl in NH likes T, but T likes me. So NH girl wants me beat up so she called her friend down here and told her to beat me up. R had to be the a-hole he is and give the girl my address and phone number. I hate fighting, especially over T, he isn't worth it, but is she lays a finger on me I'm going all out on her.
I have my homecoming dance this weekend. Even though things are going well with A, I'm going without a date. This will be a night out with my best friends. A will probably be at an after party I'll go to anyways.
I bought a GO-phone and put unlimited texting on it. I just texted T. I said no you and me. No more not standing up for me like you said you would. No more drugs. No more of this. Any of this. I'm done.
I really want to tell him about myself and A, but I'm not sure if I should. :/
A
female
reader, miaow  +, writes (9 October 2008):
I think that you should forget about losing your virginity and just try and erase it from your brain.
A is the one, he sounds perfect :) I would be jealous of you if I knew you and you two were together.
You're only young though, and I'm sure A wouldn't pressure you into sex, going against your family's wishes.
Try and break it off with T and R, they don't sound like people you want in your life.
hope this helped :)
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): Hello. You've strayed from the path just like little red riding hood did. Get back on it.
The core values of Christianity make you part of a big family that try that follow guidelines and rules. The beauty of this is someone with the same beliefs or morals can offer you a safe long term loving relationship.
The downside, the sulky leathclad bad boy always looks more tempting, don't be fooled, there lies the wolf.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, CharmmyKitty +, writes (9 October 2008):
 I think your making things out to be way more complicated than they really are. You clearly seem to like this "A" fellow more than the other, so what more is there to think about?
You don't owe him anything just because you lost your virginity to him. And the way you talked about him, I think it's pretty obvious that you're really not that into him.
It might not have been everything you dreamed it would be, but all you can do is learn from your mistakes and carry them with you.
Then you need to decide how you feel about sex. If you really don't think it should be until marriage, then stick to your convictions. If you feel comfortable with it, then that's fine too, just be careful.
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