A
male
age
,
*ipling
writes:I'm in a happy long term relationship of over 15 years. My problem is that I had one previous serious relationship of 5 years when I was at college. It ended very badly and caused me much pain. I don't think I have ever fully got over it, partly because my partner left me very suddenly without warning and I've never seen her since. She did have good reason. No I didn't cheat on her! but I was possesive and didn't get on at all with her mother. (I was young and immature). Recently I saw her name on Friends Reunited and I was able to tell that she had looked at my profile on the site. I sent her a warm email wishing her a happy birthday and commenting that I'd like to hear from her. She didn't reply and took her name off the site. It really upset me. I'm not trying to get back with her, I don't have an agenda. Its just that I really feel I need some sort of dialogue with my ex, partly to discuss what happened between us, to'tie up loose ends' so to speak. As I said our relationship was very close for almost five years and this person left me very suddenly and I had no idea what was coming! I only recieved about three letters from her after she left. She said in them that her feelings had changed towards me because of my possesiveness etc. I wrote to her for about four years asking for a second chance but she cut off all contact with me. I later found out she had got married two years after she left. I found her address on the electoral roll. I could write and say can we talk? I feel a need to resolve some of the issues between us and the hurt I feel about what happened but I'm aware she may get angry and see me writing to her as an invasion of privacy. My partner is very supportive and mature about the issue. I have discussed my feelings about what happened with her. I just feel so sad that I spent 5 years with someone and was so close to them and now its a situation in which if nothing changes I will never see them again for the rest of my life! but what can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): I can understand how you feel my Ex broke up with me no explanation why he did I was 16 he was 18 but my thing is I haven't seen him in 15 years and I've been married to my husband for 10-11years. I didn't have closure so when I did see him 2 weeks ago I had a very bad nervous feeling I don't have feelings for him but I thought my husband should know he's out of town and he knows he can trust me but the fact is I'm still worried of the fact that he'll think I did something because when we were having a rough patch I told him something that I did but I didn't do because I knew it would get to him he was hanging out with his friends more then me and our new baby. me telling him that backfired on me because he spent more time out I put my whole heart into our relationship and I still I am and I wouldn't do anything to jeapardize our love for anything. andy advice would be appreciated
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 We understand better now. But, anyways, this is how it will be. I'm sorry about it, you know.
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A
male
reader, Pipling +, writes (10 July 2007):
Pipling is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think what I didn't emphasis enough was the suddeness of how this all came about. I came home from college one day and she didn't come home. That was my first realisation as to what had happened. I then had a short meeting the following day with her in which she said she needed to return to her parents for a break. I then had a letter saying it was all over a few days later and that was that! I didn't do anything to deserve that. I was not given a second chance. Remember this was after five years, we were engaged, she had bought her wedding dress etc. I had no clue this was coming. I just can't make sense of it and theonly way I can see that I could do so is by talking to her.
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A
male
reader, Pipling +, writes (10 July 2007):
Pipling is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you flower girl for taking the time to answer. I understand what you mean but I feel so upset that if I do nothing I will never see her again for the rest of my life. The years will pass and if I later found out that she had died for some reason, was seriously ill etc how would I feel then?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (9 July 2007):
I agree with flower girl. She gave you very good advice.
I have a little something to add. I understand your feelings because I was in the same situation. I know you just want to make peace between you two. But, you won't be given that chance. This is how it is.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (9 July 2007):
 Think about the trouble it may cause in her marriage if you were to write her a letter, as you don't know what sort of person her husband is, maybe the reason she took her name off of friends reunited was because he saw your message and was not happy about it.
You said that she wrote to you after you split, and she told you that her feelings towards you had changed because of your possesiveness, so i think she explained all she could what else more can she say to you?.
I really don't think it would be a good idea to meet with her also because it could stir up old emotions for you, and put you back to square one, which would not help you or the relationship you are in now.
Obviously these are just my opinions and at the end of the day it's up to you.
Take care.xx.
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