A
female
age
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*aryB
writes:Not sure if this forum helps with work issues also but, need some advice on how to handle a situation I am in at my place of employment.I am a site supervisor of a Before and After School Program for a non-profit organization. I provide structured child care at an elementary school. I have 2 employees who assist me in my job. One of my aides works at the school during the day as an aide for the school and then works part-time with me. I have had numerous discussions with her because she has a problem separating her day job with our program. She has a tendency to try to undermind me, argues with me if she doesn't like decisions I have made and oversteps her boundaries with parents and basically, likes to create a lot of drama. I feel that I treat both my aides with respect and fairness but, I refuse to back down from my position to placate her. I'm open for any suggestions that might benefit the program but, ultimately it is my decision as to how things are run. I have discussed some of this with my supervisor but, really hate to make a bigger deal out of things than necessary- nothing worse than working in a hostile environment. Let me add that my supervisor was not much help with this situation..her suggestion was to continue doing the fine job I was doing and if things got really bad she would discuss it with her. If that isn't a cop out I don't know what is. Thus, comes the reason I am seeking advise- this summer I will be working another program at the main site with her but, in the same position as her. The difference is that she is a fairly new employee and I have worked there for 20 yrs. This will be her first summer working with us and because I have worked there for so many yrs. and have a lot of experience with the summer program it has awarded me certain privileges. I refuse to apologize to her for that- I have worked hard to get where I am at but, already this person is trying to make problems for me by questioning why I get to do certain things or why I get first dibs on certain activities and makes digs against me to other workers. Today, another new employee asked her a question and she pointed to me and in a sarcastic voice said, "ask her she's the expert at everything". Needless to say, I was embarrassed but, said nothing. I pride myself in getting along with most everyone there and would like it to stay that way but, feel that this person is going to make my life miserable somehow. I need advise on how to handle this situation...I really would rather not have to run to my supervisor again over this. Your insight would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2013): Passive aggressive behavior is difficult to express to a third party, often making the complainant look petty (even though you are not). If I were you, I would spin her comments back to her, robbing her of the satisfaction she apparently gets from making them.
Ex.
Her: "Ask her, she's the expert."
You: "Oh, Carol, thank you. I appreciate YOUR confidence in me."
She will think, "Oh, no! That's not what I meant. Crap!"
Always word your comment to INFER how she's thinking, feelings, etc. it will drive her NUTS!! She'll either stop doing it, or she'll become more aggressive, and thus notably inappropriate, substantiating your initial allegations.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2013):
 Time to talk to HER or to your supervisor again.
She sounds quite passive-aggressive and those folks can be hard to deal with. They like to seek out people-pleasers (such as you) because they feel they can manipulate them easier. And in my opinion it is VERY important that you set boundaries for her and for how she treats you. Otherwise you can get a lot more drama.
Never take her snippyness personal. She most likely have things in her life that makes her unhappy and thus lashes out at people she feels she CAN treat bad (to boost herself up or make her feel better about herself).
When you DO talk to her, be clam and direct. If she makes more comments like that, just tell her that that kind of talk isn't productive or welcome. Don't go into long explanations, she knows what she is doing isn't right. But calling her out might be better then letting her get away with this over and over.
And DO NOT be embarrassed that you are GOOD at your job. The chick is obviously jealous and unhappy. And neither is YOUR fault.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 June 2013):
 The woman sounds like a pain in the butt and you are doing the right thing by rising above it. If she makes any more personal comments or sarcastic remarks, make a note of them and who was there to witness them. Just the personal stuff as there is not much you can do about how she works unless you feel she isn't pulling her weight.
Your supervisor did say she would speak to her if things got much worse and this is business afterall and you should not feel intimidated or akward for speaking to her again about the issues.
You do not have to go head to head with her, just collate your grievances, put them in a letter and ask your supervisor to look into things. You can mention how you think this is affecting the work program and maybe ask to not have to work with her on so many tasks.
There are always differences amongst co workers, arguments and petty jealousies. I work in nursing and lord it gets tense at times!... but when push comes to shove, we get the work done!There are a couple of people I don't get on with and I avoid conflict by just reminding myself that it's work!...
Personal comments are different (like her saying ask her she's the expert...bitchy disrespectful and casting a dark cloud)those are the things you can bring her to book on.
Write it all down,be calm, & to the point mention who was there and when it happened and give it to your supervisor to sort out...because that's her job!
Good luck and I hope things settle down soon.
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