A
female
age
36-40,
*eganw3221
writes:Ok, this has nothing to do with a romantic relationship. I need some advise on how to repair a mother daughter relationship.I just recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, it is my moms first grandchild and she is thrilled to be a new grandma. She was actually in the room while I was giving birth and stayed with us for a week while I healed and we got settled in. She has done so much for us and I am very appreciative to her! My daughter was born 4 weeks ago and last weekend was the first time my dad and stepmom were able to visit and see the baby. They were not there for her birth because of extenuating circumstances. My mother does not get along with my dad or stepmom, and even went as far to say that had they been able to be there for my daugters birth, that she would have left the hospital. Anyhow, there were photos taken of my dad and stepmom and my daugter while they were here visiting. I posted them on my Facebook for friends and family to see. This did not please my mom, she sent me an e-mail telling me how much I had hurt her feelings by posting pictures of my stepmom with my daughter. She said that she had been there with us for a week and I did not even appreciate anything she had done for us. You should know that I had posted alot of photos of my mom and the baby, so it wasn't like I had left her out! I sent her an e-mail back apologizing for her hurt feelings and to let know that I do appreciate all she has done. I did however let her know how much it hurts me that she can't put aside her feelings towards my dad and stepmom for the greater good of my daughter. I was real kind but I told her this behavior has got to stop!I can't imagine my mom being jealous, my stepmom and I have never been that close and my mother knows this. As long as my stepmom is with my dad, she is going to be a part of my daughters life. I don't know what my mom expects me to do! I have called her several times and she won't return any of my phone calls. My mother and I have always been extremely close and it is killing me that there is this rift between us. I don't know what to do? Please help?
View related questions:
facebook, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (10 February 2010):
 I think you should acknowledge her pain but also tell her that NOT posting the pics may have hurt your dad's feelings instead and just because things did not work out between them, you don't want to feel like you have to choose one parent over another.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (10 February 2010):
I think you are possibly not fully aware of the pain your mother may have gone through because of your step-mom. She probably protected you from most of it. And during the time that she was dealing with her personal hell, she probably comforted herself by saying, at least I have my children. Nobody can take them from me.. Then here comes that woman again to enjoy her family, taking from her again. Hasnt she stolen enough??? Then all the ugly memories come flooding back along with the pain.
I think in this case, the only thing you can do is to acknowledge her pain. Say to her, (email or snail mail), that having thought about it, you have realized how much pain she felt and you are sorry. No ifs or buts. Just tell her you will be more careful in future. Or send a letter from the baby saying I miss you granny.
I understand that you want her to move on, but you cannot demand that she heals at your pace. I commend you for being such a good loving daughter who cares about her mother; that's quite rare these days.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): Having these pics on facebook is the equivalent of showing her pics of the baby and your stepmom in your living room.
Facebook is great but we don't realise that it blurs many boundaries which we would have kept otherwise.
I hope your stepmom is not your facebook friend too. The only way to deal with this in life, is to be discreet. The same goes for facebook as well. Would you invite them casually together? No, right? So why throw them together on facebook?
WHen your mom sees them its like rubbing her nose into the fact of the stepmom's existence in your life.
...............................
|
