A
female
age
36-40,
*iasmom666
writes:My Husband and I have been together for a total of 4 years, married for 3 of them. In the beginning our relationship was fantastic, sex was amazing and couldn't wait to get our hands each other type relationship. We were each others best friend and hated being apart. Nearly a year later we got pregnant and decided that this is good and what we both wanted. We got married 4 months before she was born and was the most amazing thing that has ever happened and we were still so happy. 6 months after she was born things started going down hill, He was angry all the time and still is. I would see his car pull up after work and would dread him coming into the door cause I didn't know how bad of a mood he was in. And that sucked, as soon as he would come into the door I was depressed and miserable, Nothing makes my husband happy, I have tried everything. We moved out of state and he got a better job to provide for us, He is a great provider. Things were working out and I still Loved him and wanted to work it out with him and help him, Now things are just bad. He drinks everynight and he is miserable and depressed and he gets angry very easily and having a child this is something I do not want my child to see or experiance. He is 23 and I am 26. He is young and i get that but that is no excuse in my mind. I completely changed when I had our daughter and slammed into mommy mode entirely she has become my life. Not for him at all, he has told me he hates being a father, he hates being a husband and wants to go back to his old life which was drugs and drinking. I do not, I love being a mother and want to her to have the best. We are going down different paths and I am not sexually attracted to him anymore, I dread having sex with him ( i have to be drunk) I don't want to kiss him or tell him I love him. We don't sleep in the same bed cause I have the excuse that our bed kills my back and I sleep on the couch. I no longer want to work it out with him as it has become a job trying to make him happy and help him out with his problems and now I'm just disgusted. I have no family where I am and when I do try to get some advice and tell them whats going on, they just tell me "work it out" I have no job as I am a stay at home mom. They say "what are you going to do? you have no choice but to work it out with him." I feel trapped!! I feel like I do not love him anymore. My step mom tells me it's a phase married couples go through. NOT TRUE! not the way I feel. I have got to a point where I am starting to dislike him and I do not want to be around him. I want to do other things with my life and find myself going down a completely different path then him and I have outgrown him. I do not know what to do anymore. I feel lost and trapped and angry. We also have started argueing and we have never really argued before..little spit spats. Now they are starting in front of my daughter. I do not want this! Please help! Any advice will be greatly apprciated.
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best friend, depressed, drugs, drunk, moved out, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, giasmom666 +, writes (10 February 2010):
giasmom666 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are a very strong person and I give you tons of credit. I hope I am as strong as you in this. You have given me confidence and have made me feel better in the fact that I can do this. I believe that true love does exist and we will find it or it will find us! Thanks again for sharing your story with me and giving me courage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): You are never alone, as this is not an unusual story, yet when going through it, you feel horribly alone. I am the first anonymous responder...btw. I also do not live near family and was a stay at home mother for years before going back to work pt and then back to grad school (while married), in order to get myself back on my feet. I am still in the process of divorce and am scared as hell. There are days when I am filled with doubt, regret, sadness & deep depression. However, at the end of the day, I keep telling myself that I cannot stay b/c it is the easier solution. I don't feel as though I can continue to sacrifice myself for everyone else. This would make me live a life of regrets & resentment. When faced with adversity, you may find strength that you didn't know you had. Because you are a mom, you will "dig deep" and push forward b/c you have no choice. Ultimately, you do have to do what is best for you. I went through the motions of marriage counseling b/c I owed him that but it also forces you to be "present" in order for it to work. I had mentally already moved on so it didn't work for us. I now am pursuing individual counseling to deal with my emotions. I keep telling myself that in 5-10 yrs., this difficult period will be a "blip" and I will be in a different place. Best of luck to you as well!
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A
female
reader, giasmom666 +, writes (10 February 2010):
giasmom666 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel better knowing that I am not alone. I do to feel like being by myself is better then this. I imagine about being just me and my daughter. I know that it would be hard but I already feel like a single mother somewhat. I hope all goes well for you. Being in a totally different state and I do not have friends or family to rely on. If I had a job and some money I would have left awhile ago. I am beginning to hate my life and becoming depressed and I believe that having a mother that is like this is not good for my daughter, she does not deserve this. I'm just done with all his crap and want a new life where I don't have to worry about him constantly and trying to save our marriage when I'm the only one doing it. I am alone in this. I now do not care what he does but just want to get out. It is not healthy for me and my little girl. I also believe that it is nearly impossible to fall back inlove this person and it is hard for anybody to do. I hope the best for you. Thankyou.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): Sounds like a really difficult situation. I am in one that is not too far off from yours, as I realized within a year of my marriage that I was not in love and was no longer attracted to my husband. At that time, I was pregnant with my first child and definitely felt "trapped", as you say. I was young when I married and absolutely got caught up in the honeymoon phase of our courtship and turned a blind eye to things that I know were not healthy or desirable in my husband. However, since I had not experienced true love, I did not know any better and have gone through our marriage changing for him and thinking something is wrong w/ me for not loving him like I should. It is something you have to reconcile within yourself, as far as if you feel as though there is something you both can do to make it work. I personally don't know how to fall back in love again yet I am sure years of counseling would convince me that I should stay for my kids and realize that marriage is not perfect. I personally want to believe that real, true love exists. The kind that is undying and never ending. I think that if your marriage is beyond repair, you should move one for everyone's sake. I am walking that path right now. It isn't easy but do hold out for brighter days ahead. I don't agree with staying for financial support or b/c of my kids. Kids are smart and recognize when a relationship isn't healthy. This impact could be more significant than divorce for them. I believe that being alone (by myself) is better than being alone with someone else.
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