A
female
age
36-40,
*aby-it's-you
writes:Me and my boyfriend are both 23. We met each other about 5 years ago. After a year of friendship (maybe not really friendship, we had a lot of common friends so we met often at parties) we started a relationship. He was my first boyfriend and I was his first. So that was cute I think. :) Anyway, we were together for 2 years. He was a little immature at that time, wanting to hear me every second and telling me a 1000 times 'I love you' each day. But we were happy. Until he broke up with me on the advice of his parents. I still don't really know what they didn't like about me. I believe they had the idea I loved their son less than he loved me. I think he only talked about me at home when we had problems so they concluded we weren't such a great match. And then he started to believe the same thing. So he broke up with me, leaving me very hurt. He immediately wanted me back but I couldn't trust him anymore. I did want him back but I was afraid. So I waited, for too long. 10 months past by and then he had a new girlfriend. I was still hoping for him but then I realized it was over. My own stupid mistake. I was hurt once again. I really hated him at that time. I told my mother the whole history and she told me to stay away from him. But I couldn't. He was surprised it hit me that much because he thought there was no way I wanted him back. The girl he was with was just a flirt to him and he broke up with her. I took him back. I didn't think about it, I just did it. I felt like those 10 months I was too scared to take him back only made me more unhappy so I wanted to do something about that. So since January this year we are back together. But my mother still doesn't know because I couldn't tell her in January. She would have said that I haven't thought it over seriously etc. He didn't tell his parents so they couldn't influence him anymore. We had to meet in secret all this time. Now in summer holidays we can't see each other. It makes him doubt. I suggested to tell everyone. Ok, our parents won't like the news but they have time to accept it. He doesn't want to tell. I feel like he is too scared to chose for me. Now he tells things like: I'm not sure if I can give up my freedom, I'm not mature enough to have a relation. And lately, I almost don't hear from him anymore. Now we are both having exams so I can't meet him soon. But I really want to see him more after the exams. But then I'll have to tell my mother the whole situation. Because it's only fair, I want her to know and she will ask questions if I start to meet him again. And I'm also afraid that his doubts will make him want to end this relationship. My friends say I should forget about him. I don't know what to do. I know if I tell my mother about all this right now she won't support me because things got so bad between me and him now. I really do love him. But maybe I'm wasting my time with him now. And maybe he will never really chose for me. Or maybe I should wait for him to make up his mind. What do you think?
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female
reader, misspurple  +, writes (15 August 2010):
You love him and he loves you it seems. Shouldn't that be all that matters? You are old enough to make your own decisions and so is he, i am 21 and i know that and so do my parents. Both of your parents can give advice but they can't make you do the things that they want you to do. At what age does he think he can break away from them? He is probably only immature because of the way they treat him and scared to grow up. Concentrate on your exams until they are over and then meet up with him to see how he feels. Try and keep calm when you talk to your mother- this shows maturity. Tell her you understand what she is telling you but you need to make your own decisions
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