A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi i am a bit confused at the moment and was after a second opinion on this guy i have been writing to this man who gives relationship advice so i thought i would paste the questions i have asked him in here and then you could quickly skim them and give me your advice? it would just be nice to have a variety of opinions rather than one! the stuff below the link is my most recent question which he hasnt got back to me about yet! i hope you can help!http://www.seducemen.co.uk/1-does-he-fancy-you-/why-are-some-attractive-girls-not-nice-to-talk-to.html?Itemid=30you may remember ,i wrote to you several times a few weeks back in the letter 'why are some attractive girls not nice to talk to?'the guy in question is still confusing me, here goes!i heeded your advice about the warnings people gave me! When i came back from my holiday i didnt really give him much thought as i had had a lovely holiday and i assumed any interest he showed me was because he liked women, not because he liked me!when he first saw i was back he came into the kitchen and asked how my holiday was, he then asked for a hug,he said he had been waiting for one. i gave him a hug (but i didnt squeeze as hard as i used to,lol)he told me how he had had to come in on the weekend to fix our hot plate, he said he wasnt gonna bother but seeing as it was us lot he made the effort! i didnt really give him much apart from the hug and we left it at that!i didnt see him til the following week and when i did see him i only gave him a smile, then for some unknown reason he bought me a mars bar from the vending machine (not much i know, but its the thought that counts,lol)i accepted his gift and he went and sat back down with his friends who had seen him give me the chocolate, they both cooed at him.a few minutes later i sat in the seating area of the kitchen (where him and his friends were sat). Instead of sitting with them i sat on my own, he noticed and said 'why arent you sitting with us?' i said 'i didnt want to disturb you and your colleagues' but he invited me over! Mainly i just listened to them chatting about work and every now and then i chipped in! Then they were talking about how couples have joint bank accounts i said i wouldnt have a join bank account and i would keep mine separate! He then said 'if you were to marry me you would have a joint bank account and buy shoes and handbags!' i protested that i wouldnt but then he left, when he walked away he touched the back of my head and said 'dont dream to much of shoes and hand bags!'the next week he saw me again as he had to fix the coffee machine i was eating a sweet and he said 'dont eat those cos you will ruin your dinner' i replied 'i like sweets' and he said 'you're a little sweetie'! a few minutes later he commented on my face 'you've got a lovely face' then he went on about drinking to much! i said 'you know what you need, a wife' he said 'i know, someone to settle me down'i left him after that and went to fill up the machine and he told the woman he was sitting with that i was his wife and i was going to settle him down! Now he keeps calling me wifey, he told his male colleague that i was his wifey and asked if we looked good together his mate said we looked alright. i went home after that and the next morning i bumped into him we said hi!he totally shocked me as we were walking along with our arms round each other and then he said 'wheres my morning kiss?' and then we kissed on the lips!!! i didnt show my shock and just carried on talking as normal as a result it felt natural and unforced!it wasnt a full on snog, more like a kiss you would give your partner if you were saying hi or goodbye quickly! we didnt talk about the kiss afterwards does that mean he didnt enjoy it?do you think he could be playing me or could he actually see me as wife material? i asked my female colleague advice and she said that is quite flirty with women but he might just be being friendly, she also said he always asks where i am if i am not in. i know this sounds naive but i have always thought that he treats me different to other women, i have seen him talking to other women (i have never seen him hugging and kissing any of them) and i have always felt that with me he meant it,i also feel as though he respects me as i am a woman that doesnt just sleep with anyone! im confused part of me says stay away and the rest of me thinks even a player has to settle down at some point he is 25 and i know he plans to get married in the future from previous conversations!please help, im all a dither!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (19 July 2008):
 I want to know, what do you feel deep down, the part that really settles in your gut when you think about this. That would be your true feeling of what you should do. Think about it. Feeling without thought is true. Thought contradicts feelings but our thoughts do not know as much as our actual feelings do.
In reading this, I would have to say to tread lightly. Your right a player does have to settle down, but would that be with you or are you still part of his game?
Now what really worries me about this behavior. His calling you his wifey, and openly stating a relationship to others that you haven't begun yet. This is a form of warning others that you are his and for others to stay away. If you date and end up getting married, you may find him more controlling, and treating you as property than an equal. Think about it this way. Why do players play? Because they really don't care about the feelings of the person who'd been played. I'd definately watch it. Be careful and take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): I think, after reading your letter then seeing your age, that you are beyond help - you're FUCKIN MENTAL! Either grow up or see a psycho-analyst.
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