A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, since i got with my fiance 2years ago, it seems like everyone is against us. we've both lost 3/4 of our mates, hes lost his because they've tried splitting us up and making up rumours. iv lost mine because my so called mate tried it on with him and everyone seem to have took her side and fallen out with me, the mates i do have live too far away and dont seem to want to talk to me either. me and my fiance moved out of our parents house a year ago and we have a 7month old son together, now we live near enough the center of our city. my mum and dad live no more then 5miles away, my mum and dad have a car yet my mum says we live to far away for them to come to see us often. iv never had a good relationship with my family, my dad controls my mum, my dad wanted me to grow up how he wanted me to but instead i went my own way and became my own person which he did not like. when my parents do actually come to my house and my mum goes out for a cigarette me and my dad dont talk, it falls silent. my mum and dad both make me feel down about my self, my dad had ago at me about having cats, he said the cat will sit on my sons face in his cot and kill him. my mum outright told my antinatal teacher that she didnt want us to move more then down the road from her because she had postnatal depression so im obviously going to get it. we asked my mum to baby sit so we could go out for our 2year aniversery, we was 10minutes late and she had a massive go at us and she didnt talk to us for like 2weeks. my fiance worked 6days a week but cut his hours down to 3days a week to spend more time with us, but we never get any time away from our son, we have no one to baby sit, im not close to my family, my fiance doesnt have much family, his mum is disabled and an alcoholic. my fiance gets out the house by going to work but im stuck with my son 24/7 if we go out we take him with us, i dont get a break at all! its getting me really down, especially as i have an attention seeking son, if i dont show him attention he screams, it drains me of energy, help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): I know it seems hopeless at this point, but it will get better sooner or later as you get older.
Your mom and dad likely love you very much and are disappointed with the tough situation they see in your life; they likely wanted much more for you and it depresses/disappoints them they weren't able to help steer you towards that. As a dad I get that take on things, it is just tough on you because you see it as outright rejection, which isn't probably what they are going for, but that is how it is interpreted.
Some help that might be available is getting involved with your local church. There might be a mom's group where you can socialize and spend time with the other moms. Typically these are also great for getting some hand-me-downs, or other things you might need, but can't afford, which can be a big help. Sometimes, after you've been involved in the group for a while, another mom will volunteer to watch your kids for a day in exchange for you doing the same later, which gives you both a break in exchange for helping the other out.
Again, I know it is tough, but try to get some good mom type friends that are supportive of your relationship, don't talk badly about your husband/fiancee or about the struggles you've had with your old friends as people don't like to be around bad news/situations, just try to start up a good friendship based on mutual helpfulness, and healthy social interaction.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): You are a mother now....mothers typically don't get breaks. If you have someone who can babysit while you take time off for yourself that's great, but if not, your focus should be on being the best mother you can be. You are so very young, and you probably weren't ready for a child....
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