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female
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anonymous
writes: Well im 18 years old. i have been with my boyfriend for about 2 years altogether with like a 2 month break.when we got back together we slept together and i thought i was pregnant my period then came 3 weeks late but all the signs pointed to pregnacy.when it came i was heart broken but i didnt show .. i just feel that i need a baby and when i see people with new borns i just want to curl up and die. i try talking to my boyfriend and telling him how i feel and i do want another baby but he just calls me stupid. but i do feel however that a baby is just what i need to get my life back in order and make me smile again. being a mum is one thing i would be great at as young babies and children love me and i really do want one but how can i make him see that i am serious and feel this way because he's just not listening and no one else no's i need a baby im so down.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): I know how you feel. However my situation is slightly different. I have been with my fiance for just over a year and half. We live together and both have full time jobs. About a year ago I had a miscarriage and although we were really upset we knew it was for the best as we were not stable. My partner really wants a baby now because he feels we are stable, and although I would love to have his child right now Im not so sure we could cope. Im someone who wants to be at home with my baby, I dont agree with a baby spending more time with a carer than its mum. If he could support me and a baby on his wage id be happy but i know thats not possible, but he is so convinced it will owrk and we can get through it. I want to make him happy and i know that i would be happy with a baby too. But i cant see how we can cope financially. The only way I can see it working is if I could work from home somehow, but i know nothing about that sort of thing. I know im ready to be a mother. I say do what you feel is right. Having a baby to make you happy is wrong, you need to be happy, if it means finding a partner that is happy to have children with you then thats your decision. But bringing a baby into a world when one of the parents doesnt want it is no life for a child, i know from experiance. If your ready then you will know, no body can tell you your too young or unstable. Only you know when its right for you. Just think long term.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2006): I really think that you need to grow up and be responsible because if you think by having a baby will make your life better then it won't. You will have someone depending on you 24 hours a day 365 days a year and then some. I have a 5 year old daughter and five years later I found out that I was pregnant with another, but she died and that is something that I wouldn't want anyone to experience. There are a lot of opportunities in life, but they are a lot harder to achieve if you have a child. A child shouldn't have to settle for less just because mom and dad can't afford the best. Wait till you are more stable in life. Really I think that you love your boyfriend and you don't want him to leave you because you can't see yourself without him and by having a baby you will always be attached to your boyfriend, but please believe that will be when he leaves you to do the work on your own. Trust me I have been there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006): Your age and your emotional state are both great arguments against your having a baby - particularly if you have a boyfriend who isn't into the idea. You should never have a baby expecting that it will meet YOUR needs, quite the opposite, in fact. You should only think about having a baby when you are in a state to give it everything and expect little in return. That includes being emotionally healthy and happy with yourself in addition to being able to support the kid financially. Please don't confuse what I'm saying here - there are definitely rewards to having kids, but they are a bonus. You can't expect a kid to fulfill all your other wishes because they just can't. If you really feel like you have a flair for kids, why not try directing it into something related? Teaching or doing volunteer work with kids might give you some extra insight into what it's like to care for one without the commitment of having one of your own at this young age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006): One word: no.
Being a mommy is one thing, but taking care of one, raising him/her/it, having a well-funded lifestyle for your kid(s), and don't forget time and massive amounts of effort is another.
It's nice to see your kid smile back and react to mommy, grow up, and see them have kids eventually, but damn it, your way of thinking seems very premature. I think you need a talk with your mom and possibly other moms. Maybe do some research online, read some books and magazines. Look at the 'pros' and cons of having children, and geez did I say it's expensive?
Also, if you're basing your desires to have a baby as an anti-depressant, damn you need help. Go see a counsellor, psychologist - your doctor too. A baby is not a toy that you can just pick up and toss away after. [sigh]
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