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male
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anonymous
writes:I am gay and have been living with my boyfriend for the past six months. Ever since we moved in together sex has been almost a thing of the past.He just doesn't seem that interested any more. It is so frustrating! When sex does finally occur it has only ever been late at night on some weekends when we are both tired - because that seems to be the only time he'll allow for it. In all this time we've never had sex at any other day or time, and sometimes a few weeks pass with nothing happening. He is older than I am, however before we moved in together our sex drives seemed about the same, and we had sex a few times a week. I still want to but he doesn't seem so interested.Besides this everything else is great. We love each other are both faithful.So many thanks to anyone who can provide some advice on this matter.
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male
reader, shurup  +, writes (28 September 2008):
Hi, i think this might be "older question"? Anyways i am gay and this type of thing has also happened to me/us. Just a guess it might be medical, that was me i take pain meds and did not know how much my libedo would drop off. So that might be something to think about or check out.
I would so like to hear that all is well now and that you have worked it out. Me and my Richie have been together over 15yrs , so GOOD LUCK GUYS!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): My ex-partner of 8 years and I had the same issue. I ignored it for a while since I was the one not interested. My partner always wanted it at night like yours but he also rejected some things I wanted to try (that were monogomous) in a way that was not encouraging to my own self esteeem. His reaction, his later humor about any suggestions I made, and his focusing just on his needs just made me embarrassed to talk to him about it. This contibuted to a huge breakdown in communication, which led to resentment and me basically cheating to get his attention (my therapist told me that). I recommend you bringing up a possible counseling session to talk about some things so you can talk things out. If you can't talk about it then you both have more issues than just sex. The true question is the amount of time you have been together. Eventually sex frequency goes down regardless of what you did at the beginning. The true test is communication and how strong you two have built it. Both of you though need to be accepting of each otehrs reasons. Sometimes body image enters into the issue and so does staleness of the act. But if you don't talk or ask you won't know. Approach the discussion as a two way street but always rememebr your needs are just as important and work it out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): It could be the fact that maybe you wanted to move in more than he wanted you to. He feels a little rushed and is backing off. Give him time and space to get used to the living together stuff.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to those who have responded to my posting. When we first moved in together he did have a lot going on (and I put it all down to that) however he doesn't any more and hasn't for a few months. He still gives me plenty of hugs and kisses however kisses are a peck on the lips - nothing more - which is kind of hard to understand. The only time he gives or allows a full on kiss is the very odd time sex does actually occur. I have tried to spice things up but that hasn't made any difference whatsoever. I guess I do need to talk to him about it.
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (30 August 2006):
 This can often happen when things start to get too comfortable. When people start moving in together and moving past that original exciting first few months, things can go a bit off and it takes a bit more effort to keep them going as they were.
As anonymous said, maybe there's something on his mind. Mayve living together has made him feel differently about you, in a good way, like there's more to the relationship than just sex now.
The only way you will find an answer is talking to him. If you know he's not cheating then you need to find out why he is nhot giving you enough sexual attention and let him know you're not happy with it. Maybe you can meet in the middle.
Good luck
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female
reader, stina +, writes (30 August 2006):
 Hello Anon,I agree with the last poster - try and spice things up a bit. I googled "Romantic Ideas" and it gave me a ton of links with everything from inexpensive dates to romantic dinners for two, poetry ideas, cheap getaways, and a ton of more things to get your relationship back to being more lovey. :)And, seriously, don't worry about him not wanting to do it as often because many couples get into this kind of rut (but what's different about this kind of problem, rather than most others, is that fixing this one is lots of fun! hee hee)(If you do think that it's because of something stressing him out, make sure to try and talk about it with him in addition to helping him relax with romantic ideas. Communication is key!)Good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2006): Sorry to hear that.Just wondering if he has other things on his mind which is burdening him.Sometimes stress and worries can effect things.Is he still tactile towards you cuddles hugs kisses etc.It could be just a short phase and things might well get back to normal.You could try spicing things up a bit surprise him with something and see what responce you get from it or plan a weekend break away together.Glad to hear things are great otherwise and hopefully this could just be a short term thing at least you know he still loves you and he is faithful.
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