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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I'd really like other opinions on this situation: I invited my bf over for my aunt's b-day aprty at my house. When my family gets together, there are a lot of us and it becomes crazy to try to keep track of what everyone is doing and where everyone is. I was helping to put up a pinata when my bf came and I had said hi and hugged him and said I was glad he came and then I hepled my kid cousins set up the pinata and afterwards went inside with the rest of them to eat and talk; he had met most of my family before and I pointed out who was who when we finally had a quiet time to talk in the kitchen and I thought he was fine. Later on, we sat at the table with my two cousins and my best friend and her bf (who he has met before) to just talk: he was quiet, but not to the point where I thought something was wrong with him so I just shrugged it off and just talked with my family. About the time the party is winding down and everyone is mostly gone, he starts acting withdrawn and doesn't want to talk with me. I ask him what's wrong and he says as he's going to his car that he felt like a nobody ebcause I didn't introduce him to the family and that my mom had to: which I don't know when this happened at all because it seemed like he was at my side the whole time. He had already met a lot of my family before, why did he act like this? My friend's bf didn't know anyone at all and just went in and sat down with my cousins and talked with them. I don't understand why he got so upset about it and why he would act like that when I wasn't purposely trying to not intoroduce him because he knew most of my fam. anyway. It's not like he introduces me to all his family mebers when I go to his family gatherings, I just say hi to whomever I meet and just participate and involve myself with them so I don't feel like an odd person out. i still feel like angry at him because he could have even told me he didn't feel right about it by just whispering in my ear at the party that he wanted me to introduce him to people or at least tell me he was angry with me without beign silent and silently angry at me and just being so immature about it. Does anyone have any opinions on this? Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): Thanks so much for your feedback, I love hearing when my advice has been appreciated. Glad you've sorted things out with your boyfriend, good luck in the future :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh my goodness, thank you! That's what I felt he wasdoing! Like making it out to be my fault when he could ahve taken the initiative to talk to my family who isn't intimidating or unfriendly or snobbish. Thanks so mcuh for your answer--I can see myself helping him ease more into my family, but he also needs to put forth more effort than that: he did apologize to me about being a whiny baby and I told him yeah, you need to stop acting that way and he said next time he would act better than that, and he apologized so that I feel much beter about that now, and I thank you very mcuh for your answer: it hepled a lot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2006): I think your boyfriend was having a little emotional strop. In situations like the one you describe it is important to make an effort, to be confident and try and make conversation, no matter how much you don't like the situation.
I think I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from because when I was younger I would also feel a bit out of place in gatherings like yours. I was quite shy and found it difficult to "be my self" so I would be quite introvert and rather than be mature and honest with my then partner I did act a little moody and tried to make it out to be her fault [why didn't you talk to me more! why did we have to stay so long!]
If your guy is quite sensitive and shy and this was more of a one off, I think you should put it down to experience, tell him that next time you'll make more of an effort to involve him, but that he has to make more of an effort too.
But, if your boyfriend is repeatidly moody and emotionally immature with you then perhaps you need a more firm word with him and tell him it has to stop.
I think this is just a case of maturity. I did make some mistakes like that when I was younger and have since learnt the best way to be. It sounds like in this situation you are more mature - so don't stand for his immaturity. Be understanding and sympathetic sure, but don't let him play any guilt trips on you, ok? ;)
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