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female
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anonymous
writes: I met my boyfriend last year on an internet dating website and after spending one weekend together, we were inseparable so we both decided that I should leave my job, my friends, my family and move the two hundred miles so that we could be together.For the first week everything was great and then he announced that I should move out and get a flat on my own rather than live with him. I agreed to this even though it didn't make financial sense and since I moved out he has spent most nights out with his friends playing pool and smoking large amounts of cannabis while I'm in a place where I have no friends or family, I hate my new job and my boyfriend simply doesn't appreciate what I've given up for our relationship.It seems like it's all a big joke to him where as I'd hoped that things would be more serious between us (especially since I was serious enough about it to move away from everyone I love!). I have even found out that he is still active on the dating website on which we first met which is very hurtful. I'm starting to think that I've made a huge mistake and am considering returning to my hometown.I do love him though and I know that he loves me, he just needs to grow up. Should I continue trying with this relationship, or should I count my losses and move back to my hometown and to everyone saying "I told you so"?
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Online relationship is very safe but it is when you move in together with someone when you really learn about each other.
Your decision to give everything was perhapes premature and impulsive as you did not know him that well.
Perhaps there is some resentiment in your part for his lack of appreciation to your commitment to the relationship.
You both need to sit down and discuss how do you go from there and he needs to understand that he may face loosing you unless there is equal commitment to the relationship.
Even though he may have mislead you about his querks, you may wish to prepare yourself to move back to where you feel confortable as people do not normally change the way they are.
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Yup, go home, I agree, great advice below....he is definately not worth it, and it was pretty grandiose of him to suggest that you move 200 miles to be with him without a marriage proposal.....he sounds really selfish and immature....get rid of him, you will find someone more worth your time, energy, and heart....don't waste any more time on this fellow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Sweetheart. Go home.
You know it's right. Everyone is allowed to make mistakes sometimes, and the people you've left behind will know that. They will probably just be glad you're back there with them rather than sit there judging you about this horrible situation, especially if they truly love you.
This man has treated you like you're worthless, which couldn't be further from the truth. Get out of there before things get any worse, go home and LEARN NOT TO RUSH INTO THINGS too fast in the future. It was a very romantic thing that you did, but basing life decisions on random sudden emotions is not smart.
Please go home. You deserve so much better that this. Get your life back again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Dear, I am going to say something you won't like to hear. You became infatuated and fell in 'lust' with a young man after one weekend. Then you convinced yourself, into moving and changing your whole life to accomodate him, which you have done. But here's the kicker, it really sounds like he's not committed to changing his lifestyle to accomodate you! So what are his behaviors telling you? He seems to be putting off committment to you. Added to that, he off with his friends and smoking dope, leaving you to deal with your loneliness. You have now discovered some harsh realities about him that is signaling you to run for cover. If I were you, I head off in that direction, dear.
Now about your words "I do love him though and I know that he loves me, he just needs to grow up". Like I stated to another woman in another posting on this site...I am trying to figure out how you can say you love a man who makes you feel like you are not worthy of his time? Women and men need to stop doing this! (it happens all the time) They need to quit carelessly stating they 'love' someone as a stupid rationalization for tolerating what they shouldn't. They need to quit burying their heads in the sand and going into denial. Do you honestly think he loves you? To me, a real true love grows out of respect, awe, admiration and trust and it's a love that never ceases. There is no love from him when he lacks respect for you. He is too immature to love, yet..he's not there, yet. In order for a relationship to function in a healthy way, all these feelings of real love...have to be mutual. You are lonely, feeling lost and you are experiencing a needy, desperate attachment to a man who doesn't appreciate you. So I would say...yes, go home. Go home to the people who really do love you and so what if they said "we told you so!" To that, you reply, "yes, you were right and I have learned a good life lesson from this." Accepting and taking responsibility for one's mistakes and admitting it...is to me, a true mark of maturity. And with that maturity comes your high self-esteem and your courage..and that courage is what gives us all the freedom to choose what we should and should not tolerate in our lives. Go home, dear. Feel the pain and the hurt..get through that and begin a new life, back at home. This guy is not the one. Good luck
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A
female
reader, DearDolly +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Your obviously not happy where you are now. It was wrong of your boyfriend to tell you to move out on your own into a city which is probably foreign to you. Try talking to him and tell him that he needs to get his priorities straight. Tell him If things don't change then your moving back home where you are around people that can at least take care of you more than he is.
If things don't change then he doesn't care about what you've given up for him, And don't try to tough it out on your own.
Good Luck.
Dolly.
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