A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We started out as friends and slowly (VERY slowly) progessed into a comitted relationship. In the beginning he would do such cute, sweet things for me. For example, he brought me flowers in a huge blizzard, left me little notes, and got me little presents for no reason. He would take me out on dates. And then, all these sweet gestures just started to go away. Now he makes almost NO effort to make me feel special like he used to. We haven't been out on a date in several months (since maybe last fall). When I try to explain how I badly I want the romance back, he gets irritated and tells me that he doesn't understand. He says that he has fun just sitting around watching tv with me. I enjoy this too, don't get me wrong, but I cannot do this EVERY time we are together. I don't feel special or important and I have NO idea how to make him understand. I tried the subtle hints. I still do cute, romantic things for him. Nothing is working. Please help, and let me know if this sounds like he's losing interest in me:(
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 This is totally natural. There is even a biological reason for it:
Human couples, for many reasons, are programmed to become less romantically involved over time. This increases noticeably around 2 years or so (when exactly varies a lot). The reason is because if a couple has been together two years and had no children, then there is likely something wrong. The best thing to do (from a biological point of view) to maximize the chance of having a child is to split up, find different partners, and try again. That way at least one, and maybe even both, get to be parents.
Unfortunately, the invention of contraception changed all this. Now a perfectly fertile couple can be together two years without conceiving. Your emotions start to lessen and you start to drift apart, but for the wrong reasons. Your body is telling you that you two are infertile, because your body doesn't 'know' about contraception.
Unfortunately, the only direct thing you can do about this is have kids! Since that's (probably) not an option, you need to focus on all the other things you can do to reinvigorate your relationship. Whilst the behaviour i described above is a strong impulse, it's not the only one, and many / most couples manage to stay together.
A
male
reader, theOC +, writes (24 June 2008):
It's also possible that this guy isn't for you. You're still young and you seem to want more than just what you have at the moment. If where you're at makes you unhappy, then this relationship isn't for you. Just my thought. Best of luck to ya!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Well in my personal experience, I have never had a guy become like that. Either he's the type who does nice things for me or he just isn't, it doesn't matter how much time has past. So maybe you are just now seeing his true colors...
But on the other hand, perhaps he doesn't feel like he needs to try as hard, and it is possible that he has lost the interest to impress you. Its not so much the part that he stopped doing nice things for you that is of concern. I think what would really worry me is his reaction when you told him how you feel. And that's not really a good sign especially if you have brought it up to him and he doesn't even care how you feel. That's not at all a good sign. Cause a guy may get comfortable in a relationship sometimes and forget to do nice things, but as soon as the girlfriend brings it up, he'll right away try to please her.
So yeah he may have lost interest. But he is definitely taking you for granted. You need to be more of a bitch with him. Stop accepting him coming over and watching tv all the time. Guys don't respond to words, they respond to actions. So stop wasting words explaining to him how you feel. He doesn't get it. Instead, everytime he calls to come and watch tv with you, say no, you're not interested. And then call your friends and go do fun stuff with them. If he doesn't want to do anything with you then go do stuff without him. When he starts to miss you he will have no other choice but to join you in whatever YOU want to do.
And from now on, don't let him ever get too comfortable with you. You gotta make your own rules every now and then.
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 I do know what you mean, I've been there myself. Once you have been togehter a coupld of years, the initial rush of passion and romance will wear off, but it doesn't mean he loves you any less. All it means is that he is comfortable enough in this relationship that he doesn't feel he has to impress you to get you to stick around. Relationships are not /always/ going to be hearts and flowers - there comes a time where you settle down.
If you really miss the romance, perhaps plan something special. Book a table at a nice restaurant, go for a romantic sunset picnic... Be creative!
But realize that it doesn't have to be romance ALL the time, and be glad that you're so comfortable in your relationship.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Sister Sue.....It sounds as if your Prince Charming is taking you WAY for granted. Perhaps he is too comfortable in this relationship. If you are not satisfied, then it is up to YOU to find the spark. Maybe a small brake will either make or brake this relationship. While on the brake, date other people, or just go enjoy what life has to give. You deserve happiness...Romance...Love! I pray that this will end in a way that leaves you satisfied. All my prayers are with you!!
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