A
female
age
30-35,
*nalyticalMentalityOx
writes:Please, I know it is long but please advice!! My best friend is a different person now, it makes me sad seeing her like this i want to help her back to her old self. Recently a couple of her guy friends betrayed her and she's had bad experiences with a few other guys, one who she really liked for a long time and used her. The others it's too long story to say what happened with each. She doesn't get round with guys, in fact she has so much respect for herself and is such a nice free spirited girl, so it is surprising when this happens. Every guy she was with she finds out they are already seeing someone or have a girlfriend and i just feel terrible!! They lie to her and lead her on, and now she just doesn't have trust in anyone, she used to be wary of people. But now she said she doesn't feel she can trust anyone!?She is normally a very happy person even without a guy in her life, but it's just horrible for somebody like her to keep getting hurt!! and make her feel used or cheated! She is stunning and fun to be around so it's no wonder guys are just drawn to her and fancy her! But now... She just isn't interested in guys, she couldn't care less about them. I mentioned this to her, and she said 'well whats the point, i always get screwed over'. It was quite sad when she said this, cause not only how she said it but i could see by looking at her that she feels hurt and empty inside. Anyways, she used to always come out in the evenings with a big group of us and she was the center of attention, all of our friends would be there if she was. She's the popular one in our group.. and the other night she came out and had all these gorgeous, funny and really nice guys approach her (as usual). But she wasn't interested! She just said 'they're all talk, they probably have girlfriends' and then went home... I don't think she likes the attention of guys or is even interested in them anymore!? Cause now, she doesn't bother coming out or really feel up to it. I just miss my best friend!! I know she is still a happy person and maybe she isn't affected by all of those guys that screwed her over and lied/used her. But there is something different!? I don't want her to shun guys out completely and not join us in the evenings because of all that happened!! What can i do? How can i help her get back to normal!? Will she even get back to her old self and start trusting people, getting to know guys, joining us in the eves etc!????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): Your friends lack of trust in men is very understandable and the best option for you is to just be there has a friend and not pressure her in any way.trust issues can run very deep and can be difficult to overcome, some people never overcome them. I think it all depends on the support a person receives and their surroundings and communications ect and their inner strengths. There are many women out there who are put off by men, so to speak, for many other reasons other than having trust issues. Life doesn`t revolve around men and life itself still can be enjoyed and the world goes on turning without them being around. You say you want to get your friend back to her old self? maybe she doesn`t want to be that person anymore, ever thought of that? perhaps she has moved on and maybe you underestimated her emotional strength? Speaking with her direct i`m sure will give you a better insight on how she is really feeling. Much happiness to both you and your friend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): In my opinion tell her some things that she is good with, and let her know that what it is that you are saying is true, in how you see her.she is very nice and what one of those guys has done to her won't affect some new friends.I think they are the ones where there is something wrong, with but not her.if she looks down to herself then those guys will think in their heads that it is because of what they did has had that effect on her. Don't give those guys that satisfaction to laugh at her. she has to be herself and erase those that had happened because she cannot undo it.try to ignore the negative thoughts that comes to her mind or switch them to positive.she has to act and think like she can live without them and she doesn't let then in her life. After what they've done they're the ones who should be regretting their actions. And apologizing to her. At that time it's her turn to act how she likes to to them I mean if she wants to make fun of them or let them down it's up to her.I can say it is good for her to do something like that because that way they can learn their lesson if they are not enough of the family discipline.I bet they don't!some people do things that they think is fun or funny but they don't know that it can "back fire" to them at the end.I guess what they are the one to come back and try to be friends with her. good luck to her.
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