A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey all! my gf split up with me nearly 3 months now and we'd been together for 4 years, I know that she is still missing me, I'm making the most of what I can, going out with freinds starting a new career and generally geting on with my life except I still miss my ex so much! I seem to do ok then all of a sudden something happens that reminds me of her. I feel I have moved on except I'm still afraid of moving on properley because if I do I feel there is no chance of us geting back in the future. We have stayed in contact (very little contact) although I have tried no contact and lasted 3 weeks, but text her merry christmas on christmas eve, and she don't seem to ignore me at all, the last time we met was on new years day. I asked her if she would like to meet up and she agreed. She stayed at mine talking for about 3 hours which we just talked and I made her laugh and generally made it a good atmosphere. Since then I gave her a call and she said "this is a permanent thing I still feel the same, I'm sorry I hope we can still be friends" but I don't understand why she wants to be friends? Surely it would hurt her to see me with another girl? I couldn't just be friends with her - it would break my heart to see her with another guy. Another thing, I stupidly asked her if she was interested in any one recently, she said no but I knew deep down that she wouldn't tell me if she was. Also she still has all the pictures of us on her facebook. I've decided now that complete no contact is the best thing for me now but is there still a chance of her changing her mind in the future?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): Well what happened to true romance or discreet devotion. Everyone ust wants to run and cut loose. NO rhythmandblues2.... It common sense to loo after yourself after a splt up and concentrate on your happiness, but doesnt mean you have to give up. If you have the courage and hop to try and see where it may possibly go and if you think there may be just a glimpse of hope, I would say never give up. If you give up too easy, you may lose it to the fect they think you dont care anymore or are bitter. Besides, why does everyone think you had no happiness or life before you were single again? And why do people automatically jump to see other people talk. that defies the whole notion of love and faith. You honestly can not take other peoples opions who have been in the situation because most people still carry the bitterness. Only you know your situation and your strengths. If you feel there is a little of something, do not give up, if it hurts you while you try, then keep a distance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): You know you might as well ask an 8 ball (remember those black balls you shake and ask a question too and it will say, yes no maybe .....
The thing is she has broken up with you and she has clearly moved on and told you as much....her saying she wants to be friends means she doesn't hate you or wish you any ill will.
I think it is very difficult to go back to being just friends when you have had a romance usually it takes falling in love with someone else....and sometimes you may find that you just don't want to live in the past at that point, you have moved on and you are happy.
The best thing for you with the way you are feeling is to stop looking at her facebook for one (I can't stand these web sites, for this very reason) and stop calling her, emailing or texting her or asking her out to lunch or anything at all....no contact means no contact.
Four years is a long time for a romantic relationship to last without getting married, a girl wants to get married ususally and two years is long enough to decide for most women.....and she hung in there for a long time.....sometimes it is a matter of timing, but that is OK, there is someone better and more appropriate out there for you, but until you stop pining away for lost love, you won't have an open heart and won't be meeting anyone else for quite some time.
Try to just get back to being you as a single, independent person and find the things that you like to do and make you who you are.....be authentic to yourself and you will attract the right woman for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the reply, but what makes you so confident that we will get back together?
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