A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello. This is somewhat difficult for me to talk about but here it goes. I am a 36yr old single father of twins. I have raised them since they were born. Their mother is in prison and is out of the picture. I have no regrets about raising my children on my own and have loved them more than anything in the world. I am in the process of finally filing for custody and will most likely get it...Housework, washing, cleaning, cooking, sickness, all of these issues I have faced them head on with no worries. I guess when you are a man you are expected to deal with anything and not look back. I am not arrogant or one of those "MACHO" as______, in fact, I have a very good head on my shoulders. I have never had a problem with dating. I have been blessed with many women in my life but never took it too seriously because I am a parent and my kids come first. However, I recently started dating a great girl and it lasted for about 6 months. Great girl, sweetheart and loved my kids, bought them stuff and took them out. We really communicated and loved each other.She broke up with me, I said, "I understand" and left it at that. She said her feelings had changed. A day before, a week before, we made love and went out for dinner. She said I was an "awesome guy". For whateverher real reasons were, its over. I said we needed to stop communicating and have only spoken twice since then, text a little but I make them short. She text me the next two days to forgive her for being soo stupid and that she loved me very much and that she didnt know what happened. Its over, I get it and I accept it. I will never tell her how much pain this has caused me. Some things you just keep to yourself, ya know. I am completely devastated, I met her parents and family and they loved my kids. For a while there, I was beginning to sense some normalcy in my life. Then, Bamm!Its been a month since the breakup and I have been busy, working out and spending time with the boys. Work is good, in fact I am in the position where next year will be great and possibly lucrative for me. She was constantly caring, asking me if I had eatin anything, how are the boys, are you okay and then its over. I guess this has opened another door for me in the sense that I have a custody hearing in a couple of days and havent completely gotten over the fact that my previous relationship is now final. My original family unit is now broken. Im at a loss for words. I am in tremendous pain and at night when the boys are asleep, I cry with tremendous anguish. I have never dealt with any of this all at once.I miss my exgirlfriend, I miss my kids mom and feel terrible. My boys have never seen me cry and I fear that they might hear me at night.
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broke up, ex girlfriend, in jail, miss my ex, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Hey, you are on the right track. You know what you doing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): Oh, you are a dear dear man, for doing what you are doing for your children. I don't know what you are going through by any means, but Please know that I will be praying for you and your boys. Perhaps things were just going to fast for your ex girlfriend...and now she realizes she made a life changing mistake. Some things just can't be taken back. And Sir, it's ok for your boys to see you cry...that way they KNOW that you feel pain, and kids are so good to help heal a broken heart. Don't underestemate your boy. They see you are hurting. Let them help. God Bless My Brother!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello. I would like to thank everyone for their kind words and support. I really appreciate it. As for "sugarbuns" let me just say this, I rarely brought up my previous relationship to my current ex unless she asked. It wasnt something that was lingering or taking control of me. Frankly, I didnt even gave it much attention. My current ex and I never had one argument or fight. We had the utmost respect for each other and never crossed the line. I cant go back with her even if she contacted me at this point. I dont want to go thru this pain while im parenting my kids. I need to get over it as fast as I can so I could function effortlessly as I once again. If I have to sacrifice my happiness for their well-being, so be-it. I need to focus on them. Thats it. Thanks....P.S. Monday is mediation (court), Ill keep you posted. Have a great weekend everyone...
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (28 June 2008):
 I have no idea why your g/f broke things off so suddenly and without a reason. That seems odd to me, so I suspect there's more to the story than you are telling us. Could it be that she realized you're not over your other "ex" and she didn't want to get deeper involved if you were going to continue to be attached emotionally to another woman? I say this because your situation sounds much like a similar one I've gone through. Met a great guy, raising two boys on his own. I was the great gal who came into his life, gave him love, nurturing, attention, loved his kids, loved his family and thought we had a future together, but couldn't get him to pull his head out of his ex'es ass and get over her. He would deny it, but then behind my back be contacting her. (If she would've been in jail it would've been a blessing). He was never married to her, but she had a strong hold on his emotions. She was a wreckless user that he could never get over and I finally had to realize that until he was truly able to move on, there'd be no future for anyone else in his life, no matter how much I invested. If this story is true for you, please kick yourself in the head repeatedly. The woman in jail is not worth jeopardizing healthy relationships you could be having with someone else. If this story does NOT fit you, then I can only say I'm sorry, and I hope you can figure out what went wrong with your girlfriend and hopefully get her back. Don't be too proud to ask her to come back just make sure you're able to focus on her and not some other woman. Good luck.
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (28 June 2008):
 Dude! Please cry. Cry for the kids, it's important to vent. Even guys. I know your pain quite well. IT'S HARD!!!! It seems like you don't miss the previous ladies in your life, you miss being complete. God (or whatever powers that be) intended for 2 people to make and raise children, so when it's down to 1, you're taking on a HUGE task. Just cry......Things will unfold as they should. Your last girlfriend was right, you are an awsome guy. You have every reason to take a moment and let it out, you need it. My best friend is a 32 year old single daddy and the mom is in prison for drug reasons. He has 1 child and calls me at least once a week to cry. I do what I can to help, as our children are good friends, but the poor guy is overwhelmed! Hats off to you, your kids are very lucky to have a dad like you!
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (28 June 2008):
 Just from what you have said, I can feel the pain you have.
I'd like to start off by saying what a man and father you are to have dealt with all these things so head on. I only wish there were many more of you that take their responsibility as a parent so seriously. Unfortunately we live in a society where there are so many dead beat moms and dads, its so nice to hear of one so willing to fight for his kids.
I know how you feel about the pain you feel with respect to your ex girlfriend. I think the bulk of us have gone through it at one time or other in our lives, but personally I feel that it gives us character. Unfortunately for you it came at a time when you really needed that extra support with your custody battle.
You will I am sure get custody of your kids. But I think it is important at the moment for your kids to see their dad being happy too. The kids need to know that besides the fact that daddy loves them, that daddy is happy too.
You say your custody hearing is soon. Perhaps you should take the kids away for a weekend somewhere after the hearing is through. It gives you good bonding time with them, but will also give you a little space away from an environment that is familiar to you, to try and clear your head.
You know if she cant see you for all the goodness in you, then its her loss, not yours. Yes you may have pain now, and I personally feel she did it in a very unkind way by not telling you why she ended it, but you sound as if you have so much more to offer another woman.
Trust me, there are so many woman out there looking for someone just like you! There is nothing that anyone can say to take the pain away just now, but one day soon you will find a woman who will sweep you off your feet and you will then sit back and think how daft you were for crying over someone who doesnt deserve you.
You obviously feel that you have been "abandoned" by all the people you ever cared about. Your kids mom, and now your ex. But you havent! You look into your little boys eyes and see all the love they have for their dad!
Unfortunately you are thousands of miles away otherwise I wish I could just give you a great big bearhug for doing such an amazing job.
This is a test of your inner strength just now. And all I can see is a human being that loves his kids! Remember: A woman may come in and out of your life, but those little boys will be there forever!
I truly do hope that you find that inner peace that you need! And by the way, I am a firm believe that crying is not a sign of weakness by any means!!!!
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female
reader, lotty83 +, writes (28 June 2008):
I agree with Tamsine83, you are allowed to miss the mother of your children, and in some ways you probably feel cheated out of the family you should have had. I am very sorry that you are going through this, and altough right now you feel you will always feel sad this simply isn't true. You are a good father who puts his children first, once you start to feel truely happy in yourself the rest will follow. try and stay in contact with your ex, even 4 friendship I think she was good for you and your boys. x
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A
female
reader, freebird  +, writes (28 June 2008):
 Oh! I admire you. I guess you are a wonderful person.
I think you have your kids to hang on to.
I think you should not worry too much about your exes. Whats gone is gone.
And you are only 36. There is so much more to live.
I am sure the aunts and uncles here are going to give you good advice.
I will pray for you.
fb
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A
female
reader, tamsine83 +, writes (28 June 2008):
Hun you must never feel worried 2 cry, if they hear you you don't have 2 go into reasons, but seeing daddy upset sometimes isn't awful. As feeling sad is human!! Hun I really feel 4 ur situation, I think the custody etc has brought burried emotions to the surface, and although it doesn't feel like it now this is a good thing and you mustn't keep it all in anymore. Once this is over you can have a clearer head, and start to focus on what you really want. The lady that recently split from you may have been scared of her own emotions,and so she backed out, again this is also normal. You two may sort things out, when the custody papers etc are done and you feel ready meet up as friends and take it from there, it's also important for your boys to see consistancy. Also if she really is a sweetheart when the time is right you could share with her how you feel about your ex, as you are allowed to miss her and the family you should have had. I will keep you in my prayers and try and update hun. xx
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