A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My crush got laid off due to covid last week and I miss him so much, I feel like I have a big black hole inside me. I wish I could say I was exaggerating but I really am not. I have rarely had crushes throughout my life, so when I have one it is a relatively big deal for me.My crush was a temporary covid cleaner at the supermarket I work in. He was really cute and attractive to me, and he seemed around my age (23). Man do I miss him. We never exchanged contact details so I will pretty much never see him again unless he comes to the store when I’m working? Because I don’t know how I’d ask my manager for his number. There’s no way anyone else would have his number. I’m pretty much certain he likes(d) me. He was/is such a sweetheart. Ahhhh. I feel like he never made a move and neither did I because there never seemed to be the right time, as the supermarket was always super busy. He definitely knew I liked him because I was the one who made extra eye contact with him at first, asked him what his name was and paid attention to him as he was cleaning around me at the register or the front door. I hate this state of darkeness after growing feelings for someone. It makes me want to close my heart and never develop interest towards anyone ever again. If this is already too painful then I don’t think it would be healthy for me to develop stronger feelings down the line if things were to escalate with any person. Sigh.I wish I could stop wanting him so much.
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2021): You have to learn to regulate your feelings and do your very best not to be too much of a drama queen. You never dated or spent any quality time with the guy; and you don't know if he's married, or has a girlfriend. You don't even know if he's gay! You flirted and made eye-contact. From a few exchanges you're all gushy and infatuated. You're too old for that, my dear!
If your emotions and feelings are still within the "normal" spectrum; you'll miss him, and get-over him within a few weeks. You're running on fantasy-mode right-now; wondering about what could have been. He wasn't interested enough to ask for your number; and he had the opportunity to leave you his contact-info on his last-day. He's not as worked-up over you as you are over him; or he could call-back and leave you his number. He could even stop-by to grocery shop, as an excuse to see you...if he really wanted to.
Look him up on Facebook. Maybe he's there, smiling next to his girlfriend... fiancé...or his wife! You didn't say you ever got to ask if he's single, you just assumed he is. There should be no "darkness" following any brief acquaintance with anyone. That's not healthy, sweetheart! A crush is not a deep enough attachment to feel so much anguish over separation. That's obsessing!
If he's single, and he accepts your friend-request; you can take it from there. If anyone gives out his personal-information on your job; they would be way out of line. That's totally inappropriate and violating privacy laws. Just FYI!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 October 2021):
 A crush is called a crush because you get "crushed" at the end.
If he had been SOOO into you, wouldn't he have asked for your contact info? I find it weird that you think the only way to talk to him is by asking your manager for his number (which by the by your manager SHOULD NOT do).
Do a little sleuthing and find him online, I bet you can find him and then contact him IF you find that he is single.
Until then find something else to focus on, this sounds unhealthy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2021): life without your love is the most painful thing ever.
my chest is already hurting just thinking about life without my crush.
do whatever you can to see him again xx
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (22 October 2021):
 The thing about crushes is that they don't last forever, infact often short lived.
Soon the feelings that you are feeling right now will dissipate, and things will get easier, you might even start to notice someone else that you are attracted to and the crush feelings of the previous guy will be a thing of the past.
In the mean time i would refrain from trying to get his details from management, or another member of staff and concentrate on your job.
If you happen to bump into him naturally, which its quite possible that you will, then maybe ask him if he fancies grabbing a coffee somewhere.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2021): Sorry but it is hard to take this seriously, you sound like a school girl. You are very young so of course you have rarely had crushes, it would be very odd if you had had lots of them at your age. But you are talking about a guy who could be happily married, with a guy and gay, not into relationships, or actually a really horrible nasty piece of work, you have no idea about him, just that you have this childish crush on him, a stranger really. If he likes you he will come and tell you. If he does not then you know it was all one sided. But you need to grow up, you sound like the sort of woman who would jump into bed with a guy just because his hair is the right colour - a total stranger is ok so long as he has nice hair? Or start to fantasise about living together and getting married and having babies on the first date. You need to start using your tiny brain a lot more. Women who get all serious and carried away that quickly are taken advantage of, used and then dumped. It is easy to lie to them and lead them on and use their naivety and hopes against them. And it is easy for a guy to spot you are that type. It puts off the grown up nice serious ones and only draw the nasty and selfish ones.By the time I was your age I had had more than my fill of married guys, guys in relationships, losers, users trying it on. It becomes second nature to work out who the nice and nasty ones are. But you don't seem to have any filter where you think it is important to be compatible. Anyone will do if he has a nice smile is not good enough for most women.Supposing he is violent, supposing he drinks a lot, supposing he has a drug problem or has been in prison, supposing he is terrible with money and got lots of debts and supposing he simply wants to jump on you and enjoy your body and then move on. Think. Use that brain.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 October 2021):
 Firstly, your manager would be breaking all sorts of data protection rules if they were to give you this guy's number. Any manager with half an ounce of sense will not do this because they would risk their job. You shouldn't even put your manager in that position.
Secondly, you don't really know anything about this guy. Do you know for a fact he is not in a relationship or that he is interested in you as anything but a friendly work colleague, or even that he isn't gay? You profess to have developed "feelings" for someone because they are "cute" and "a sweetheart". For your own benefit, you need to keep better control of your feelings and save them for when you actually get to know someone properly.
If this guy really IS interested, it will be easy enough for him to find you. If he comes into your supermarket, then don't blow another chance of getting closer to him. Say something like "Heh, I'm on my break in xx minutes. Fancy grabbing a cup of coffee and catching up?"
If he doesn't make contact, then you need to let go and move on. Once you have got over missing seeing him, take a look at what you are doing to get out and meet someone who is willing and able to have a relationship with you, if this is what you would like. Join a class/club which caters for something in which you are interested. Volunteer for something which touches your heart. That way you will be more likely to meet like minded people and make new friends and, from that, possibly find someone with whom to have a relationship.
Wishing you all the best.
...............................
|
